Fear of the dark: how to reassure your child?

What is the name of fear of the dark? At what age does she appear?

The anxiety, mainly nocturnal, of the dark is called nyctophobia. In children, the anxiety of the dark appears around the age of two. He becomes aware of the separation from his parents at bedtime. At the same time, his overflowing imagination will develop his fears: fear of the wolf or the shadows for example.

The phobia of darkness in children and babies

“If the phobia of the dark is shared by many children, the fear of being woken up with a start by a ‘Mom, dad, I’m afraid of the dark, can I sleep with you?’ is the lot of several parents ”, testifies Patricia Chalon. The child is afraid of the dark because he is alone in his room, without his main landmarks: his parents. “A child’s fear of the dark refers to loneliness, to separation from those we love and not to the fear of the dark, strictly speaking,” explains the psychologist first of all. When a child is in his parents’ room, in their bed and in the dark, he is no longer afraid. The phobia of the dark in children would therefore hide something else. Explanations.

A shared fear?

Parents, since the birth of their child, have only one wish: that he sleeps peacefully all night, and that they themselves do the same! “The fear of the dark refers to that of loneliness. How does the child feel of the parent who puts him to bed? If he feels that his mother herself is worried or anxious when she says goodnight to him, he will never stop thinking that being alone, at night, in the dark, is not that good ” , explains Patricia Chalon. Parents who dread the separation at night, for various reasons, make their toddler feel their stress at bedtime. Very often, they come back one, two or three times in a row to check if their child is sleeping well, and by doing so, they send a “scary” message to the child. ” The child needs some stability. If a toddler asks for his parents several times in the evening, it is because he wants more time with them », Indicates the psychotherapist.

Why is a child afraid of the dark? A fear of abandonment and a need to spend time with parents

“The child who has not had his account of time spent with his parents, will claim them at bedtime. Hugs, evening stories, kisses, nightmares … everything is a pretext to have one of the parents come to his bedside. And he will tell them, at that time, that he is afraid of the dark, to hold them back, ”adds the specialist. She recommends that parents take into account the child’s requests and anticipate before bedtime. “Parents must prioritize quality above all. Being near him, telling him a story, and above all not staying near the child with their phone in their hand, ”the psychologist also specifies. Fear is an emotion that makes you grow. The child forges his own experience on his fears, he will learn to manage it, little by little, in particular thanks to the words of his parents.

What to do when a child is afraid of the dark? put words on fears

“The child must learn to fall asleep on his own. This is part of its autonomy. When he expresses his fear of the dark, the parent should not hesitate to answer him, to talk about it with him, whatever his age, ”insists the shrink on this subject. The more time there has been for discussions before falling asleep or upon waking up, about what happened in the evening, the more this will reassure the child. Fear of the dark is “normal” in early childhood.

Night light, drawings … Objects to help your child no longer be afraid at night

The psychologist also recommends having children draw, especially if they evoke monsters seen in the dark. “Once the child has drawn the terrible monsters that inhabit his nights, we crush the paper by insisting on ‘crushing’ these horrible characters and we explain that we are going to put it all in the worst place ever. , to destroy them, that is to say the trash! », Says Patricia Chalon. ” The parents must absolutely value their child, at each stage of their development. When he talks about his fears, the parent can ask him exactly what scares him. Then, we ask the child to choose a solution that will reassure him, such as putting a night light, leaving the door open, lighting the hallway… ”, explains the psychologist. For her, if it is the child who decides on the best solution to stop being afraid, then he will overcome his fear, and it will have all the more chance of disappearing …