A wonderful man Kirill — with an education, his own business, a broad outlook and a developed torso, the dream of single metropolitan girls — tirelessly uses his honed charm. Who wouldn’t use it? It’s just been going on for a quarter of a century.
First, young women of the same age flocked, then the Balzac age joined in, now the asset is a woman with a past and, in a sense, with a future — her own children and even grandchildren. The fear of close relationships does not allow the development of numerous novels, not to mention marriage and offspring.
Cyril doomedly divides his free time between yoga and psychotherapists in the hope of understanding the cause of the failure. He himself admits that he is not able to endure more than three days with a woman in the same space.
When we talk about complexes — and now we always talk about complexes when we can’t explain something — we keep in mind some kind of morbid being like Woody Allen with a lot of phobias. The fear of close relationships is not the last in this series. But what to do when we have before us a self-sufficient blue-eyed blond who, in theory, should not have any problems with fear or relationships?
The fear of a serious relationship blurs the boundaries of intimacy, beyond which we feel the kinship of souls and the need to be together.
The fear of a serious relationship blurs the boundaries of intimacy, beyond which we feel the kinship of souls and the need to be together. Paradox, but it is impossible to imagine speculatively.
For example, it is impossible, after years of daily communication on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia), to gain confidence that in life you and your correspondent will ideally complement each other. Okay, don’t be annoying. Or, meeting on Fridays for a glass of wine, expect that a person will drop everything and be there when you run out of gas on the highway. In short, don’t expect quantity to turn into quality.
What is stopping us?
- Fear of losing some of your personal space (less common among single mothers and young people from large families — guess why!);
- Fear of responsibility for the partner’s personal space. Approaching, we automatically occupy someone else’s territory, and we need to do something with it — take care of it, do not litter, decorate if possible;
- Fear of repeating your own negative experience (our false version of the self-preservation instinct).
And although psychologists advise treating marriage as a once and for all choice made (and this is indeed a very positive prospect), it is still foolish to see yourself doomed in advance. And it’s all over the place, as my mother says. Not because the partner is unreliable. Because our self-esteem does not allow us to feel like the demiurge of our own life.
The fear of falling into dependence on a wife, husband, alimony, boring relatives is our low internal rating, which dictates a scenario of failures for us. Take care of it — and any intimacy, emotional, spiritual, equivalent artists or Pygmalion and Galatea will become in our hands an obedient, indispensable and most reliable tool in the fascinating business of our own growth, not to mention love.