Contents
Psychology
Many know Ana Belén Medialdea as the «psychologist of phrases on paper», because her reflections on Instagram, where she has more than 20.000 followers, have become accurate darts that point where it hurts the most or, rather, where it hurts the most. feel. But she also has a degree in Psychology, a specialist in Brief Strategic Therapy, an expert in systemic family therapy with children and adolescents and in emotional dependence y Self esteem. She is also the author of the book “Bitter life depends on you.” A title, by the way, more than adequate in times of coronavirus.
This natural psychologist from Guadix (Granada) who has worked for years in her practice located in Madrid has also experienced something emotionally new when facing the effects of the coronavirus crisis and the confinement are causing it in their patients. She assures that going back to work, helping people to manage their emotions these days, has been a shock for her that has helped her to “take things differently” and to combat her own anxiety … That “professional” anxiety of the who live closely the havoc caused by Covid-19 and that it has more to do with helplessness and frustration than with expectations about the future.
Almost two months have passed in confinement, at what point are we at the collective level?
We have gone through several phases. At first we were in a state of denial in which we all convinced ourselves that this was not so important, nor so serious and that this could not be happening. But with the passage of time we have gone from denial to rage. And we have also gone through the sadness. We are now in a phase of adaptation. In general, we are adapting to the situation we have. ç
It is true that not everyone is adapting in the same way. Many people needed go outsideEither because they are more sociable, or because they could not bear living locked up (although they have had to learn to do it these days). But when we went out, we found ourselves faced with a new situation. And not everyone is managing it well. Some are making the most of the trips to the streets, but others, nevertheless, are feeling well at home and are afraid to go out.
Why are some people afraid to go outside?
El fear usually occurs before a change. For a few days we have had to get used to living at home. That has made us enter a comfort zone which has led us to think that our home is the place where we are not in danger.
In some cases, learning to manage fear may seem impossible, especially for those people who have become panicky or feel unable to go outside. But fear can be managed. And for this you have to face it. We have to look fear in the face because when we do it it stops having so much weight and it stops being so great in our life. We have to respect our times, of course, but we must also bear in mind that in this context we run the risk of building a pathological fear.
Nowadays, going out in fear is normal because the danger is real. We are not imagining it, it happens. We can get the disease and that is so. But if this happened within a time in which the situation was already under control (perhaps within a year or a year and a half, for example) but we continued with that fear, we would be facing an irrational fear.
And how do you help to overcome that fear?
The first thing is to become aware that feeling fear is normal and that we do not have to blame ourselves for feeling it. We cannot choose what emotions we are going to feel. Emotions come when they want. We can only choose what to do with those emotions. If I am afraid, what can I do? Am I isolated, locked in, and distraught, or do I try to do little things even though they scare me? Maybe I shouldn’t risk walking for a kilometer, but I can start by going out to the portal first and then walking around the building or the block.
The important thing is to do a little thing every day that helps us face fear. Because one of the things that help us to worsen and build a greater fear is just to avoid facing it. That is why it is important to allow ourselves to look fear in the face little by little because only then does fear become courage.
What can make that fear worse or bigger?
It is important not to overexpose yourself to the information because it can cause us to enter a negative loop. Constantly watching programs or news that make us see how bad things are and how everyone is going generates anxiety. And it also generates anxiety to talk about fear all the time. If I call my mother, my cousin or my friend and I keep telling them that I am not able to go out because I am very afraid, I begin to transmit the fear that you feel. And the fear pIt can spread just as quickly as the coronavirus. It is useless that we are taking precautionary measures against the coronavirus so as not to get infected if we later get psychologically infected with that fear that can invalidate us so much.
Unlike what happens with other emotions, talking about fear does not help to vent. The more we talk about fear, the more it grows. It is as if we put a special fertilizer on a plant to make it grow. The more we talk about fear, the greater the fear that we build ourselves.
Many people already suffer other consequences of the coronavirus such as salary reductions, financial problems, job losses … Faced with the barrage of negative news, how do you avoid falling into a negative loop?
Faced with this situation, it is also normal to get frustrated because those people who were used to having a certain amount of salary and a specific standard of living will see that it will no longer be like that and they cannot demand of themselves that this does not affect them. The important thing when experiencing something like this is to protect yourself psychologically, taking mental hygiene so as not to fall into that negative loop and get infected.
It would be important, for example, that they avoid talking about the problem constantly between colleagues, since there comes a point where this no longer serves to vent but to get poisoned plus. The more you talk about it with each other, the greater the frustration and the greater the feeling of helplessness.
We can choose between seeing it from a very negative point of view or from another that is more optimistic, less blocking, since the latter is the one that will best help the situation to improve for us as soon as possible.
And what if someone crashes and can’t get out of there?
One of the things that helps the most when we feel that we are being dragged through a negative loop that does not depend on us is writing. It is very therapeutic and helps to put emotional distance with what we are feeling.
When the brain washing machine is at full throttle and there comes a time when we poison ourselves by believing what we are thinking, we have to get down to business. write On paper, everything that is going through our heads, all those negative and recurring thoughts until they reach saturation, if necessary until our hand hurts. This will help us separate ourselves from what we are feeling no longer allow those thoughts to become our reality.
How would you advise managing the different phases of de-escalation or the time frames in times of coronavirus?
Perhaps many people are now frustrated and angry with life for having missed the opportunity to do things they needed to do. For example, all those people who have lost a relative in this situation and who has not been able to say goodbye to them. It is something difficult because it is something that each one has to learn to manage in the first person. Faced with these situations, he will have to do his duel.
But they will also have to do duel those people who had plans y projects that they have not been able to do. That is something that will be important to manage on an emotional level. We cannot change anything from the past, we can only learn to live with it, accept it and manage it. But as for the future, it is important not to get ahead of ourselves. One of the things this has taught us pandemic It has been that we have had to learn to live with uncertainty and with the present moment. Although we know that maybe in two weeks we can change the phase, we do not know because we do not really know what the data will be like these days. It is important to work on yourself to get back to the present moment. I cannot know the future and I cannot modify the past.
The phrase “better times will come” seems to have settled in society and perhaps we are losing our lives, how does it connect with the present?
We have never spent so much time with ourselves and our thoughts. That is why it is normal for many to feel overwhelmed because what they try is to avoid focusing on themselves. This situation has helped us to have to sit down and listen to each other.
The other day I read a sentence that raised something like: “And you, what are you going to do when all this happens?” … But the key is not what you are going to do but who you are going to be after this. What person do you want to be after the coronavirus? Do you want to be a person who chooses to spend time and take care of their mental health or do you want to be someone who lives in a loop of negativity and does not accept the situation … Deciding that is important.
Being in the present is not easy because our mind is constantly traveling from the past to the future without stopping.
Something that helps to connect with the present is the meditation.
And another thing that helps is to become aware of whether our mind is programming the future or thinking about something from the past that frustrates us. We must become aware of this to do what is healthiest for us, from writing to playing sports, or painting, listening to music or even calling a friend … If we allow ourselves to be carried away by thoughts about the future or the past, we will not be in the present. And we will be missing it.