Father: whether or not to attend childbirth

Is the father’s presence at childbirth a duty?

“For some men, attending childbirth is a duty, because their partners absolutely rely on their presence. And if around 80% of men attend childbirth, I wonder how many of them really had a choice, ”explains midwife Benoît Le Goëdec. It happens that the father does not have a say and it is difficult for him to give up, for fear of appearing – already – for a bad dad or someone cowardly. Also be careful not to make him feel guilty: the fact of not being present does absolutely not mean that he will be a bad father, but certain reasons can push him to refuse to participate.

Why does the mother refuse the father’s presence at childbirth?

During childbirth, a woman’s privacy is completely revealed. Exposing her body, her suffering, no longer being in restraint can encourage the mother-to-be not to accept the presence of her spouse. Benoît Le Goëdec confirms in this regard that “she may want to feel free in terms of her bodily and verbal expression, not want her companion to look at her when she is not herself and refuse to send him back an image of animal body ”. On this subject, another fear is often advanced: that the man sees in her only the mother and conceals her femininity. Finally, other future mothers prefer to be alone because they want to fully enjoy this moment – a little selfishly – without having to share it with the father.

What is the father’s role during childbirth?

The role of the companion is to reassure his wife, to secure her. If the man manages to keep her calm, to overcome her stress, she really has the feeling of being supported, supported. In addition, “during childbirth, the woman plunges into an unknown world and he, by his presence, gives her the confidence and the certainty that there will be a return to her usual life”, according to Benoît Le Goëdec. The latter also explains the current problem: the fact that there is no longer one midwife per woman leads to a change in the role of the father. He becomes extremely active in the sense that, for example, he is asked to watch his wife’s positions, which he shouldn’t have to do.

Presence of the father at childbirth: what repercussions on paternity?

Not at all because the experience, the feeling of each one is different. Each man expresses himself in his own way. Also, the fact of not being present at the birth does not condition the fact of being a good or bad father. Little by little, the bonds between dad and child will develop and strengthen. We must not forget that it is not all about the birth of the child: there is before, during and after childbirth.

Presence of the father at childbirth: what are the risks for the couple’s sexuality?

The presence of the father at childbirth can have repercussions on the couple’s sex life. Sometimes a man feels a decrease in desire after witnessing the birth of his child. But this decrease in libido can also occur in a non-present father, quite simply because his wife changes her status in some way, she becomes a mother. There is therefore no rule in the matter.

See also our true-false ” Misconceptions about sex after baby »

Presence of the father at childbirth: how to make the decision?

If the decision is taken by two, it is absolutely necessary to respect the choice of one and the other. The father should not feel obligated and the mother frustrated. Communication is therefore essential between the two. However, it often happens that in the heat of the event the future dad changes his mind, so do not hesitate to leave room for spontaneity. And then, it is quite possible for him to leave the working room from time to time if he feels the need to do so.