Becoming a father is a great adventure. Welcoming a son in his life can give the desire to transmit, to share his passions, but also to try to make the other succeed what one has failed … The son is not there to repair but to realize his own life. Sharing, yes, but listening, protecting and encouraging is also essential.

As Marcel Rufo explains, a child is built by idealizing his father. Even if deep down, he will never be completely fooled, it allows him to overcome his fears. “It is so essential for a child to have a heroic father, that in the less gifted or the most pathetic, he will often succeed in finding a quality, however minimal, which will allow him to see him glorious, even intermittently “.

This strength is transmitted to him like a sword, and in the playground, the little boys compare their armor: “My daddy, he makes burgers better than at a restaurant”. “Me, my father, he even knows how to blow bubbles with his nose…”.

No need to put pressure on yourself, a simple presence, but how important, will be enough to make the father look like a hero, in the eyes of his son. “The role of the father is to don this garment, knowing full well that it floats in it and that it will be taken away one day”.

Because yes, fathers must take advantage of this moment of grace, because this illusion unfortunately does not last their entire life.

To become close to his son, it is enough simply to observe him, to play and to discuss. Play according to his tastes, but also make him discover other activities, which can be very varied:

• to cook ;
• tinker with small wooden tools (learn to type);
• go for walks, the opportunity to meet other dads at the park;
• paint, draw;
• go to a music store, listen to the instruments;
• etc.

Complicity can also be maintained through rituals. Every Tuesday evening, it’s daddy who reads the story, or every Sunday we peel the potatoes together to make fries.

For the little boy, his father is the first role model he can identify with. It is with these references that it will be built. Each father will show what seems important to him, in a man: knowing how to play pétanque, light the barbecue, paint, tinker… Then it’s up to the son to like to share or not these values. For the relationship to be serene, the father must show, but without obligation to do. Creating envy is also leaving space for your son, so that he himself can take ownership of the proposed activities.

Listening, protecting, encouraging… All of this allows children to feel confident and to be able to move forward in life by considering their father as an ally.

According to Professor Marcel Rufo, a healthy rivalry is quite normal between father and son. The admiration that a son has for his father is never devoid of the desire to appropriate his strength and skills to become like him, with the idea of ​​beating him one day.

Until adolescence, little boys consider their father a hero. They have now passed the Oedipal period and have integrated the fact that their mother will never be able to be their lover. This period is then a peaceful moment when the “men of the family” will be able to work together: fishing, gardening, cooking together. “I can do like daddy”.

Then adolescence marks the end of this period of calm, to allow the young man to form his own notion of what a man is, as he wants to become. Fathers may then feel a bit left out, even criticized in their actions, so there is rivalry in the air.

It’s the game, and, depending on the moment, this competition sparks off or challenges each other with humor. “One day I will be stronger and better than you”.

Fathers don’t give way so easily, and that’s okay. Hero and rival at the same time, the father has known from the start that he will not end up being defeated (symbolically), because such is his destiny. “But first, he must take his place and not lay down his arms before the confrontation has taken place.” Specifies Marcel Rufo. This is often called a rite of passage.

Depending on cultures and family habits, this rite can be varied: he managed to beat me in basketball, he lit the fire on his own, he got his driver’s license, etc.

For the father, it is then a question of remaining upright in his own values ​​while accepting that his son becomes a man, as “strong”, if not “stronger” than him.

A relationship of mutual respect can then be established and the exchanges become adult.