“Fashion” complexes

Uneven bite, red hair – most recently they could cause serious complexes. Today, technology makes it possible to straighten teeth in childhood, and the wonders of hair coloring make many women happier. But the society in which we live dictates more and more new ideals: appearance, level of education and income, lifestyle and sexual behavior – so that old complexes are being replaced by new ones. In what way are our contemporaries especially vulnerable, or, in other words, what complexes are in fashion today?

Complex “Photoshop”

“If I only lost weight, everything would be fine!” 28-year-old Irina is convinced. Her height is 1,65 m, weight is 63 kg, and she is sure that the reason for her difficulties in communicating with her partner and colleagues is the imperfection of her appearance. “In a “lipophobic” (fat-hating) society, weight has become a standard measure of the chances of conquering others and being happy,” explains psychotherapist Marina Khazanova.

Once beauty was an ideal, today it has become an obsession. There are countless victims of the Photoshop complex, named after the computer image retouching program. It is to her that the enchanting creatures on the covers of glossy magazines owe their brilliance. Men also face the dictatorship of an ideal body: broad shoulders, powerful pectoral muscles, a muscular stomach … “There are no options,” 30-year-old Nikolai is indignant, “either you swing or become nobody!” Psychotherapists call this phenomenon the Adonis complex.

“Today, control over one’s appearance not only helps to overcome one’s imperfection, but also allows one to feel strength and power,” continues Marina Khazanova. “I meet more and more mestizos or blacks who demand thin lips,” says plastic surgeon Sydney Ohana. – Previously, those who were ashamed of their skin color joined the anti-racist movement. Today he wants to change his facial features.”

But after plastic surgery, such patients only feel happier for a while. “The feeling of dissatisfaction quickly returns: after all, they have not eliminated the cause of discomfort,” explains psychotherapist Ekaterina Zhornyak.

Aging complex

“At some point, I suddenly realized that I could hardly contain my irritation towards a young man who had just been hired,” says Victor, a financial analyst. “I am 52 years old, and it turned out to be unbearable for me to see a 26-year-old colleague next to me who owns new technologies.”

“If society does not value professional experience, and success is associated with youth and activity, age is especially painful,” says Ekaterina Zhornyak. Then old age is perceived as an inevitable misfortune or a crime for which one is punished with expulsion from society. Men experience aging no less acutely than women, often compensating for the feeling of their “inferiority” with infantile (irresponsible) behavior.

“After 30-35 years old, rarely anyone of his contemporaries can consider himself a young man,” explains psychotherapist Viktor Makarov. “The behavior of many men is changing: they begin to perceive the world as children and behave in it accordingly.” “The Peter Pan complex is a direct consequence of the impossible demand to stay young,” agrees psychoanalyst Jean-David Nazio. – Behind infantile behavior lies the fear of losing those we love, what is dear to us. After all, to become a mature person means to be able to separate from the people and objects to which he was attached and with whom he felt safe.

The words of the psychoanalyst are supplemented by 35-year-old Anton: “Society requires us to be successful in all areas – at work, at home, in sex. Women are sure that we must develop the feminine side of our nature, but at the same time we must remain real men. It is difficult to understand what is really expected of you and how to live up to these expectations.

Subordination complex

In turn, modern women react extremely painfully to the violation of their personal space. “We see more and more young, successful, charming women, for whom to live in a couple means … to obey a man, that is, to be deceived by him,” explains psychotherapist Yuri Frolov. – This fear is often reinforced by another – that she will be abandoned: “It is better to be alone than to find yourself with a broken heart and feel your inferiority again!” Many men also feel panicky fear at the mere thought that they may have to obey someone …

“I go on the defensive when my boss starts discussing my work with me,” admits 34-year-old Leonid. “I can’t do anything about it — I can’t stand it when they tell me what I should do.” According to Jean-David Nazio, sensual, vulnerable, anxious men suffer from a subordination complex. They react sharply to any manifestation of power, perceiving it as tyranny. Like women, the cause of their suffering is an overestimated level of claims, low self-esteem and wounded pride.

Status complex

“When the iPhone appeared in stores, which everyone was talking about, I realized that I was gone,” says Victoria, a 23-year-old assistant to the head of the firm. “It didn’t matter to me how much it cost, whether I would ever use all its functions. It became clear to me: until I buy it, I will not calm down. Many consciously or unconsciously associate their feelings of inferiority with their social status.

“Women and men acquire those items – from clothes and jewelry to houses and yachts – that seem to them attributes of a status person, someone who has already realized all his dreams and can no longer be afraid of anything,” explains Ekaterina Zhornyak. “Following the instructions of advertising, people are trying to get into the mythical world of stability, security, where there are no fears and worries, where all decisions have already been made for them, everyone loves and respects them, and they can no longer lose anything.”

But the status must be constantly maintained, reinforced, otherwise the feeling of satisfaction wears out quickly. As a result, a person no longer simply demonstrates his position to others, but begins to buy status things for himself in order to confirm his usefulness to himself, to elevate himself in his own eyes.

However, the possession of any number of prestigious things is not able to relieve the suffering of a person with flawed self-esteem: he will still be unsure of himself, will not stop worrying about comparing himself with others (there will always be someone to envy), and deplete his strength and means by buying more and more new items. with the sole purpose of being noticed, recognized as “one of us”, perhaps even loved… All complexes are a sign of damaged self-esteem, but they should not prevent us from thinking about ourselves. Especially about this: Are the models that many so desperately strive to conform to alienate us too much from ourselves?

Complex “Behind Life”

“When I am asked to send some documents by e-mail, every time I have to practically commit violence against myself,” admits 54-year-old manager Alexander. “It’s the same with the Internet: going beyond the start page is almost a feat for me!”

Psychologist and psychoanalyst Michel Stora comments on such fairly common difficulties and fears: “The ability to fail in front of a monitor (and therefore feel weak) infringes on the pride of adults who are used to managing the situation. Moreover, the computer today is a symbol of power, a sign that a person is “still young”. The feeling that you are “behind the times” can give rise to a complex.

“The complex cannot be removed surgically”

An irresolvable conflict with one’s own appearance can lead to a plastic surgery clinic. The scalpel does not save from complexes, Michel Godefroy, a psychotherapist at the Paris Saint-Antoine hospital (France), is sure.

Psychologies: Is it possible to get rid of the complexes by means of aesthetic surgery?

Michel Godefroy: The surgeon’s scalpel can, of course, remove the object of the complex, but this does not mean that the person will cease to be insecure. It is possible that after the operation it will be focused on the same part of the body; in this case, the patient is likely to perform one operation after another, trying to achieve an unattainable ideal. Or his complex will move to another object: after the alteration of the nose, the turn of the cheeks will come, followed by the lips, and so on.

Why?

Because the complex is not reduced only to a defect in appearance, which must be eliminated. There is another, deeper problem behind it. For example, there are many people who will suffer for a long time because of their “terrible” nose, and in the end they may find that the horror is that its shape resembles the nose of their mother or father.

When does it make sense to resort to aesthetic surgery?

When the treatment is associated with a physical handicap that affects the quality of life. This is the difference between a patient who panics at the slightest trace of a mimic wrinkle, and a mature woman who hopes through a facelift to soften the skin folds that give her face a tired look.

Any good surgeon is able to figure out where is a reasonable request that he is able to satisfy, and where is just a manifestation of a deeper internal trouble. In this last case, it is advisable first of all to seek help from a psychotherapist.