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Family rituals are the unwritten laws of the family, reproduced by virtue of habit and belief. that’s right. Every family has its own rituals — these are the little things that are always done and about which no one is discussing whether it should be done or not. This refers to such trifles as greetings and goodbyes, taking off shoes when entering an apartment, washing hands before eating, brushing teeth, buckling in a car, etc.
Family rituals are observed only if all family members do it. For example, you can teach your son to sit on the toilet only if the father does. Or “every morning will begin with a healthy breakfast” — will not become a ritual if you yourself walk around in the morning with a cup of coffee and a cigarette in your mouth.
Good and bad family rituals
Not all rituals are good. Many repeat after their parents: “Get your elbows off the table!” “They don’t talk over food!” «Children should be silent when adults are talking.» Even beating a child who has been at fault was a ritual in many families.
Only those rituals are good that help community and mutual support. Examples of good rituals:
- Good morning and kiss!
- General meal. If possible, it is very good to gather at a common table once a day — both for eating and talking! If everyone makes their own sandwich, lunch is microwaved individually, and dinner is in front of the TV, the community is lost.
- Family evening ritual. It’s great when a family has such a regular evening ritual: always at the same time, always the same way. It ends with a common game or a fairy tale, the child can rely on a good end of the day and rejoice, anticipating it See →
- Family responsibilities of the child. Small duties, feasible for a child, can also be a ritual. Making the bed, unloading dishes from the dishwasher. It is best that this be a permanent task at the same time.
- Time just for a child
Rituals: why does a child need them?
Author of the article Anna Ponomarenko
Preschool children are very fond of rituals. It is important for them to know what, when and in what sequence will happen, see →. First I watch Good Night, Kids, then I go swimming, then I put on my pajamas, my mother brings me milk, I hug the bear, my mother covers me and kisses me. Everything is fine, everything is as always, you can sleep. But if suddenly the bear hits somewhere or mom is on the phone and still doesn’t go to kiss — guard. The child cannot fall asleep, spins, cries, toils. These are not whims — he really feels bad. Smart parents know that shaming and admonishing is useless — it’s easier to turn on the light, declare a family emergency and find the bear.
It should be noted that ritual behavior in older children and adults can be a cause for concern (see →), while in preschool age it is completely normal.
Here are examples of such rituals in children:
- drink (or eat) only from your favorite cup (from your favorite plate)
- the child refuses to throw away old shoes that are already too small for him, even if you bought him new ones
- desire to listen to the same story over and over
- wanting to watch the same cartoon over and over
The rituals of meeting and parting are especially important. This will come in handy when the baby goes to kindergarten or school. A special kiss or handshake, high five (greeting with hands or fists), tickling, winking, etc. In unfamiliar situations, rituals help overcome stress. If your daughter or son loves to read books at night, be sure to grab a book when you fly to another country by plane or spend the night in a hotel or at a party.
Rituals help family members feel like family. Every family, no matter what it is — extended or nuclear, ordinary or large, or even Swedish — has its own «fun», customs, traditions. Rituals strengthen family values, unite the family, especially in unstable times.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.