Whose territory — that and the rules.
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Sooner or later, children leave the parental family and create their own families, in fact their own sovereign states. But then — how should parents behave when they are on the territory of the family that their son or daughter created? Children still have to obey their parents — or should parents already obey the rules that their children have established in the territory of their families? Our consulting practice tells us the following rules for solving such difficult issues.
General rules:
On the territory of the younger family, representatives of the older family respect the rules of the younger family and do not push their opinions in any form. If the younger family declares some topics closed (for example, they do not want the elders to discuss their lifestyle and express their opinion on this matter), then the older family does not have the right to raise these topics. If representatives of the younger family on their territory want to discuss the way of life of the older family, they have the right to do so. In this case, representatives of the older family may not answer, but they will have to listen to everything: they are not on their territory. In the territory of the older family, its rules are similarly respected, and representatives of the younger family cannot demand that some topics here be closed.
If someone has forgotten, they do not immediately run into him: at first, a mild warning. If, even after a warning, he continues to break the rules, it is already possible to run into him, and it doesn’t matter if he is a representative of a younger family or an older one.
They don’t argue with the owner on someone else’s territory: you can ask respectful questions and discuss it while the owner likes it and is interested.
On the other hand, if I didn’t mind on foreign territory, this does not mean that I agree with this. I just did not mind, and on their territory they have the right to live in their own way.
Neutrality or friendship
The behavior of the older family depends on what the younger family offers it: neutrality or friendship.
If the younger family offers neutrality, that is, there is less to discuss and live apart, the older family will accept neutrality and will not participate in the life of the younger family in any way. We reduce meetings to a minimum, curtail discussions, if you want to live separately and apart — your right. In neutral territory, the younger family will have priority: the older family respects its rules.
If the younger family offers friendship, that is, respect for the opinion of the other side, the desire to think together, discuss any issues and be together more often, the older family will be happy to respond with friendship, warm relations, respect for the views of the younger family, cooperation and willingness to be together more often. On neutral territory, the eldest family has priority as elders.
Similarly, the behavior of the younger family may depend on what the older family offers it. At the same time, wise people who can be in both the older and younger families usually look for opportunities to improve relations in such a way that friendship relations develop between the older and younger families.
Dear readers, what is your experience? How can and should relations develop between the older and younger families if there and there are adequate people, although it is possible with different values, habits and worldviews?