Family I+I

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​The essence of this family model is a transaction between two separate individuals, mutual use: you to me, I to you. Usually, the I + I model is based on the belief that a man initially has his own male interests, and a woman can only be there temporarily. Similarly, a woman needs her own (for example, she needs a child), and a man is needed only as a source of money (status, reliability, the role of a father or other important moments in life). Each of us needs our own, but it is more profitable for us to be together and nearby than to live separately.

I live how I want, you — how you want. We agree on how we can live together, remembering that personal freedom is most important for each of us.

Until there was a special agreement, there is no “common territory” in the interaction of spouses: there is my or your project, there is mine or your territory, and any new project of mine is always mine personally. Everyone manages on his own territory as he wants, there is no need to coordinate anything with a partner, but you can’t count on a partner’s help either. Interested — they will help you, no — do not blame me. Common territory, the obligation to coordinate decisions and the obligation to provide mutual assistance appear only when the spouses have specifically agreed on this.

Signs of the family I + I

The conversation raises the question of «concessions». «I give in to you — another time you will give in to me.»

Another indicator is the desire to have an Alternate Airfield: so, just in case … You leave, so at least the apartment remains.

Types of family I + I

There can be many options for the I + I family, while there are curved, normal, and very beautiful options. I will list the most typical:

Affiliate deal. A family with partnerships can be wonderful, when a man met a woman, she suited him in all respects. He was careful with her, examined her, but it turned out that she was a decent woman. The woman looked closely at the man, he suits her in all respects. They began to live. After a while, they realized that they were made for each other. She’s perfect for him, he’s perfect for her. And they are so happy with this deal (of course, for them it is a deal) that he is delighted with this deal with her and will take care of this partnership, this deal, because he is not a fool, and such partners are not rushed . And he will take care of her for many, many years, because it is very reasonable. And she will just as wisely take care of this wonderful man, whom you can rely on. Everyone here takes care of themselves first of all. Because a person who thinks about the future, who has harmony, who has a good character, they can have an ideal, magnificent, exemplary, joyful family in the I + I family mode. Here the position is “win-win”, I want you to get rich, because it enriches me. “Stop working so much, I need you, dear, for a long time!” In such a pair, people gradually begin to live even with love. Because we really love, including our partners, we have huge warm feelings and sincere feelings for them. And we have a huge gratitude for the fact that fate brought us together.

Peaceful deal: a situation where everyone is quite happy with everything. It suits me how much I get from you, and how much you get from me — this is your business. “Listen, yours is walking, how can you stand it?” “What are my worries? He comes home, brings all the money, plays with his daughter. And I have enough sex. To say that the man here is terribly happy — no. If he finds a better option, he will run away. If you can change it, change it. Female. Well, she fed him, then she went to her friend, had a good time, chatted with her mother, and her husband will survive, it’s okay, because, in principle, dinner, that is, will warm itself up. To say that they care about each other terribly is not true. But, in principle, it suits him, because, indeed, dinner will warm itself up. And both are satisfied. There are no delights, but the deal is quite successful. They do not strain on this topic, there are more interesting concerns.

Rivalry, or a disturbing bargain: you must not have more from me than I have from you (this is not fair!). Constant clarification of relations, although for others it seems that everyone has everything for a normal life. “You have a normal man, everything is there …” — “Yes, but what does he allow himself to do? Why can’t I do the same?!» Here both are not quite satisfied, there is a feeling of injustice. Because it seems to him that he gives her a lot of money, and she swears a lot and runs a lot to her mother and her friends. And she is unhappy because he could bring more money, he lowers them there, either in a casino, or on cars. Does not take care of children and does not yield to her and does not respect her, does not appreciate her opinion. She has a claim on him. And they will bicker for years to come.

A bad deal: one of the partners was caught on the hook, there is nowhere to go, it’s stupid to fight, you have to live. So we live, as it turns out — in different ways … An anecdotal story from the life of N.I. Kozlova: “A long time ago, while working in the Knowledge Society, I was taken to lectures by a driver, God forbid, Ivan Ivanovich. And on the way he told me what a terrible wife he had, how she met him every day with screams, reproaches, swearing, name-calling, claims, and so on. There is nothing good. I was genuinely surprised: “Why do you live with her?” The answer was the following. “Yeah, she says that I’m the last bastard, and I want to divorce her and leave, there, to Nyurka. So what if I leave, will she be right? Never! I have been proving to her for 15 years that I am not such a bastard as she thinks about me. Amazing. There is no point in the deal, but people support such a deal for various reasons.”

Who is more suitable family I + I

Obviously, the best options for such a family are considered here.

More often, the I + I family suits young couples who still live their lives strongly, naturally take care of themselves first of all and value their personal freedom. More precisely, independence — that is, freedom from the other. “I respect your territory – you don’t climb into my territory. Well, well, let me kiss you, dear!

Mature couples do not consider family I + I to be a family at all, but for young and freedom-loving couples this is almost the only suitable option. For such a family, the main question is: “How can we be close so as not to interfere with each other?”, The main principle: “No one owes anything to anyone” and the most important consequence: “There was no contract with me — there can be no claims against me. You need something — you yourself and do it!

Relations I + I preach most often men.

First, because they value their freedom. «Do not climb into my territory: I have the right to do what I want here!».

“No one owes anything to anyone” — this principle protects men from women’s reproaches. «Why are you reproaching me? We didn’t agree — I don’t owe you anything!

“You need it — you do it!”, As well as “This is your project — solve your problems yourself” — these formulations save men from women’s demands.