The family brings together very different members from each other, don’t we say we choose our friends but rarely our family? Here are some tips for preventing and best managing family disputes.

Blood ties do not necessarily mean that there is harmony between family members. When you find yourself with your family, frustrations, irrational behaviors or hurts can reappear. Indeed, within his family, each carries both the child he was and the adult he has become.

Many complex feelings can then resurface; they activate any suffering related to childhood. Among these, the roles attributed to each (in a sibling for example) can leave indelible traces by remaining unresolved: so-and-so was the “difficult”, the other the “privileged little fragile”, and so on. In the event of an objective, trivial or major conflict, whether it be the distribution of household chores or the sharing of an inheritance, these family patterns complicate the situation and prevent it from being resolved with fairness and serenity.

The timeless traces left in the psyche (built from an early age) can lead, years later, to sudden nervousness, fleeting fury and settling of scores.

Childhood wounds are totally subjective. Faced with the same situation, members of the same family may react differently by retaining diametrically opposed memories. This factor sometimes makes dialogue impossible because everyone has their own version of things and sometimes refuses to hear the other’s.

It can be experienced as a challenge, or a negation of the feeling. In this context, reproaches can spring up against brothers and sisters or parents for example. Expressing them is often a necessity, in the order of liberation. Sharing it with the people concerned is constructive, provided the tone is neither aggressive nor vindictive. This can then generate a discussion where everyone has the opportunity to explain.

Some suffering is thus alleviated through acceptance or forgiveness.

Certain situations are particularly conducive to the appearance of conflicts, especially when they have to do with money: donations, inheritances, decisions relating to the sale of a house or land, etc. Indeed, it is common for some people to feel aggrieved, dispossessed or disadvantaged. In the event of opposition between several members of the family, it is not uncommon for those around them to decide to take sides, explicitly or tacitly. Sometimes the situation escalates quickly, until dialogue becomes impossible.

If this is the case, resorting to family mediation may be a good idea. The mediator is a qualified and impartial third party whose role is to facilitate the achievement of a satisfactory agreement for all the parties concerned. He will be the interlocutor of each member of the family. They can then view the situation with less anger or tension. The presence of an outside person promotes appeasement and partly prevents aggressive, excessive or immature behavior.

On the other hand, all members must agree to the use of mediation since it is based on the free consent of each. In the event of a family dispute, it can be difficult to successfully bring everyone together around a professional.

After a long or violent altercation, everyone involved feels helpless. Taking a step back, far from the conflict, is often a necessity at first. Everyone needs time to reflect on what has been said and to distinguish between the words spoken in anger and the real arguments.

In the vast majority of cases, it is better to accept, put aside the grudge and work to promote reconciliation between family members. This can involve a gradual resumption of contact and possibly the organization of an event at which all members of the family can meet. It is essential to advocate transparency, especially in a conflict where more than two people have been involved. So, if one of the members explains to you, suggest that he do it with each of the people concerned, so that everyone has the same information (and especially that it comes from the same source). If so, rumors tend to distort the words little by little.

Family disputes are relatively inevitable because everyone carries their own affects, traumas, and opinions. They are sometimes necessary, especially if they allow and allow speech to be released. Overcoming family disputes means evolving in a more serene climate and setting a good example for your children.