When people live together, non-property relations arise between them. These are, for example, the personal rights and obligations of spouses in relation to their children, the right to communicate with a child in the event of a divorce, the rules of their behavior among themselves, the rules of relations with relatives, family obligations, etc. All these issues are very important for people, but the legal levers here nothing can be done, nothing can be achieved with the help of the police and bailiffs. Here you just need to negotiate. If people want to regulate their personal, non-property relations, they draw up a Family Agreement between themselves, which has no legal force, but has the force of an agreement for civilized people.
A family contract is an agreement between spouses on important specific issues of family life. Typically created using the Family Contract Basics Questionnaire.
Don’t be confused! The Family Contract should not be confused with the Marriage Contract. The marriage contract regulates property, the Family contract — non-property relations of spouses. A family contract is drawn up between people who consider themselves a family. If people live together, strive for harmony and mutual understanding, but do not call themselves a family, they can draw up an extramarital agreement for themselves.
A family contract can be the result of verbal agreements, especially since it still has no legal force and helps people simply understand each other better. On the other hand, many couples write down the main agreements, it is convenient for them at least not to forget what they said themselves. Here we present fragments of real agreements of real families who have passed the training «Personal life: the joy of close relationships» in Sinton.
What kind attention signs we need?
Women:
- husband should hug at least 3 times a day;
- always fresh flowers in the house from the husband (due to force majeure, their absence is possible for no more than 3 days), the price and quantity are not important;
- obligatory visual contact from the husband, turning the body towards the wife when she approaches and addresses him, remove her hands from the keyboard if the husband is at the computer;
- the husband should have the opportunity to speak out: 2 times a week, after dinner, 20-30 minutes, while the wife only listens carefully, comments and remarks only at the request of the husband. The signal for the beginning is the words of the wife: “If you want to tell me something, I will be pleased to listen”;
- a wife should praise her husband at least 2 times a day for any household chores or actions aimed at his wife or child. Praise is expressed by the words: “well done”, “cool, great”, “you are doing it well”, “I appreciate it, I like it”, etc., according to the circumstances; actions: hug, kiss, smile.
Gifts. Should we give each other gifts? Which? Is it possible to negotiate a gift?
- it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.
- gifts are needed, spontaneous, not timed for anything, at least 2-3 times a year. “I was walking home from work (shopping), I saw something, I thought, “you will like it, it will suit and I decided to give it to please.” Assignment to Zhenya: to tell and in the future to tell about those things that please her or can, because. the husband is «not a psychic»;
- gifts for the holidays: New Year — no need, March 8 — a good bouquet, birthday — a must. Discussion can and should be held. Task for the Wife: 6 months in advance to start thinking about what she wants to receive as a gift, at least 1 month in advance to inform the Husband.
How to behave, what to do if the spouse bad mood?
If the husband himself understands that he is in a bad mood, then he says: “I am in a bad mood,” after which he does not need to “touch, pull” for 60 minutes, namely, do not ask about the reasons for his bad mood and let him do everything what he wants (TV, computer, etc. within reason, i.e. not causing damage to health, property). If obligatory cases have been planned or there are urgent obligations in accordance with the family contract, then we agree on the fulfillment of tasks and obligations before the “do not touch” period.
If the husband is not aware of his bad mood, then the wife asks: “I see you are in a bad mood?” If the mood is really bad, then follow the above algorithm.
If the wife herself understands that the mood is bad, she says: “Guys, don’t touch me for 30 minutes, I’m not in a good mood.” Do not touch, so do not say anything to her and do not touch her. If obligatory cases were planned or there are urgent obligations in accordance with the family contract, then we agree on the fulfillment of tasks and obligations after the “do not touch” period
If the wife is not aware of her bad mood, then: the husband says: “Sunny, it seems to me that you are on edge. How are you?»
How do we react to “I didn’t have time”, “I forgot”, etc.?
Husband and wife: the offender asks for forgiveness according to the algorithm (from the training). But no more than 2 times in a row. When repeated for the third time in a row, we jointly discuss what happened and agree on measures designed to ensure the fulfillment of obligations and additional compensation to the injured party. If it is difficult to talk, then, at the initiative of at least one of the parties, we switch to communication in writing on a problematic topic / issue.