Trying to suppress negative thoughts or ignore them makes life very difficult. Is it possible to manage your mood without perceiving it as violence against yourself?
The skill of managing emotions is often associated with inner strength and developed self-control. It is no coincidence that the ability to always look positive in the business environment has become one of the requirements for the professionalism of an employee. But psychologists are finding more and more evidence that a constant “duty” smile can lead to alienation from real emotions and even cause burnout.
Emotions are work too
“Everything that we experience as external, imposed, is perceived by us differently than felt from the inside, coming from a pure heart,” explains Alisha Grandy, an organizational psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania. “The irony is that when you try to make yourself look positive and upbeat, you fail. Once the brain recognizes an action as forced, it becomes akin to violent.”
The constant need to feign optimism and benevolence leads to alienation. Alisha Grandy found that when we wear a smile-mask on our face, we spend more energy and get tired faster than when we behave according to our inner state.
“We can hide feelings for a while – provided that we have a“ refuge ”where we can be real,” says the psychologist. “But to deceive true emotions with the help of self-control will not work – the body will always recognize such an action as an emotional effort and will require rest.”
Encouragement or prevention?
If “inauthentic” feelings are a burden to us, to what extent can we control our emotional behavior at all?
Psychologists Myong-Gu Seo, Lisa Barrett, and Gene Bartunek have suggested that it depends on our motivation, which can be represented as a continuum with two poles. Inside, there is always a tug-of-war going on. The productive function pulls in one direction (we are ready to make efforts or even take risks if we know that it will be beneficial), in the other – protective (we try to avoid negative scenarios)1.
Although a positive attitude makes us more resilient, the body instantly recognizes attempts to deceive it.
A similar concept was developed by psychologist Tory Higgins. He talks about two different motivations that drive our actions, the reward mindset and the avoidance mindset.
If we control our behavior, we are afraid to make mistakes, we are driven by the motivation of prevention. We use this strategy to survive, but we are ready to throw off the “masks” as soon as possible.
Connect with your inner child
Although a positive attitude makes us more resilient to shocks, the body instantly recognizes attempts to deceive it. If our behavior is just a way to protect ourselves or meet the demands of a boss, we will not look truly convincing.
According to Alisha Grandy, when it comes to emotions, we all act like two-year-olds. If you tell a small child what to do and what not to do, he will become stubborn. But if you turn the task into a game – into something that he himself likes – he will become involved in the process.
To stimulate positive thinking, several conditions are needed: security, a clear understanding of the goal, and creative freedom to achieve it. If we perceive our actions as our own choice, we understand why we need it, our behavior becomes natural. This is how reward motivation works.
1 M. Seo et al. «The Role of Affective Experiense in Work Motivation», Academy of Management Review, 2004, vol. 29.