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If you have a choice – “action or inaction”, you should choose the first. This way you will save yourself from regrets due to your indecision in the future.
We have a choice in both small and big things: what profession to choose, with whom to go to dinner, where to spend a vacation, what to read to a child at night. The more options to choose from, the more likely it is to make a mistake. Yugoslav psychologists Thomas Gilovic and Victoria Husted Medvec asked participants in an experiment to answer the question: “When you remember the past, what do you regret more: that you did something wrong, or that did you do something?”*
Most of the respondents (75%) were unanimous: most of all they regretted what they did not do. This result was confirmed in further studies: we rarely worry about the wrong decisions we made, but we regret that we did not dare to do it: continue education, end love relationships, were not attentive enough to other people, did not use opportunities for career growth.
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- Procrastination: How to stop procrastinating
While conducting the study, the psychologists told a story about two friends, David and Jim. They studied at the same university, and both got the opportunity to change it to a university of a higher level. David turned down the offer and stayed. Jim accepted and transferred to another university. But none of them were happy with the decision. David was haunted by the lost chance, and Jim regretted not staying. The researchers asked two questions: which of them will regret their decision more in a short time? And what decision will be regarded as wrong after a long time?
67% of respondents felt that Jim would regret his decision very quickly, but in the long run, David would have more regrets about his passive behavior (62% of respondents said so).
So: the wrong decision causes anger and regret in the short term, and after the time has passed, a person begins to regret the missed opportunities. Perhaps the explanation lies in the cultural norms of Western society: it approves of activity and condemns inaction. In less action-oriented societies, answers to questions may be distributed differently.
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- Test of success: how not to stop there
* T. Gilovich, V. Medvec. «The experience of regret: What, where, when and why?» Psychological Review. 1995, 102(2): 379395.