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Almost every one of us has met a person who is ready to talk about his life with excessive openness. What is hidden behind the need to open all the doors of private life for others, and what can be fraught with for the narrator?
When we see characters on a reality show on the screen or read unusually frank interviews of show business stars, we still understand that maintaining the interest of the public is an integral part of the profession. However, when our acquaintances who are far from publicity reveal all the details of their lives, this is far from always perceived as disarming sincerity, and in most cases it is completely alarming.
“Extreme frankness is, first of all, a tool of psychological defense,” explains psychologist Marina Myaus. – By focusing on the details of his actions and the feelings that accompany them, a person completely avoids any internal analysis. The thought immediately verbalizes and turns into words. What are the secondary benefits for the narrator?
Avoid conflict
When we talk about ourselves, we symbolically surrender. We try to show in advance that we are friendly, do not intend to hide anything, and in exchange we hope for the approval, acceptance and care of others.
Deal with anxiety
As a rule, extreme frankness is accompanied by self-doubt and high levels of anxiety. We can worry so much that the constant verbalization of feelings becomes an attempt to cope with an unstable emotional state.
To be “not like everyone else”
Often this characterizes people with hysterical traits who are so trying to prove themselves in an unusual way from others. And if this is backed up by charm, we can really attract others with our depth and sincerity.
Stop weighing every word
The situation is the opposite: we get so tired of the endless neurotic self-control that at some point we voluntarily give up all boundaries. Constantly evaluating the correctness of our words and actions is so painful that we symbolically invite everyone to witness our life.
Unconsciously asking for help
Ultimate frankness in this case turns out to be an unconscious attempt to let the environment understand: I feel so bad that I have nothing to lose. Depression often manifests itself in this way when we do not think about how the reaction of others may affect us.
Why extreme frankness can work against you?
“As a rule, people around this quality either fall in love or frighten,” explains Marina Myaus. To some this may seem like a sign of sincerity and the courage to be yourself. However, most people are concerned about this quality. Excessive openness is associated with insecurity and the feeling that you cannot be relied upon.
Talking about your intimate life, you invite viewers to the next session of the series live
Unsolicited frankness can quarrel family members or ruin relationships with colleagues. By talking about your intimate life, you invite viewers to the next live session of the series. Be prepared for the fact that at any moment they will fit into your life with advice.
There are usually more negative side effects to being outspoken than there are positives, so it’s important to become aware of this tendency in yourself and try to find the root cause that is causing over-opening to work against you.