Real men can endure pain without putting on a show.
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The feeling of pain, especially acute pain, is very unpleasant, but nature created this mechanism so that a person would be more careful about the injured areas of his body, quickly understand which organs fell ill in him, and, in principle, behave more carefully.
The most natural thing that people can do when faced with a sensation of pain is to act more carefully themselves and warn others about the necessary caution. If your knee joint hurts, you need to reduce physical activity and consult a doctor, and when the doctor knocks on your sore knee, it’s stupid to portray a courageous Indian and say that you don’t hurt at all. The sensation of pain is information that is sometimes extremely necessary. If smart parents show the child in time that it hurts them to hit or get burned, they teach the child reasonable caution. Also, if a loved one does not understand that with some words he hurts you, then hiding your pain (heartache) is just as wrong.
The sensation of pain is created by special pain receptors, but whether a person feels pain and how much pain depends on his general state of the nervous system and special skills. The sensation of pain is not an unconditioned, not a mechanical reflex, with some training it is possible to intensify the sensation of pain, inflating it from subtle sensations into something bright and noticeable: masochists and demonstrative personalities use this quite successfully. However, the ability to reduce pain, muffle pain sensations is much more in demand. Pain signals us about danger, but why feel, for example, a toothache when the process of dental treatment is under the supervision of an experienced doctor? Using the possibilities of desensitization, knowing the mechanisms of anchoring and the action of the keys of emotions, it is possible to both strengthen and weaken the sensation of pain. Attention to the experience of pain, tension of the face into a mask of suffering, sudden movements and screams usually only increase the sensation of pain. Pain is relieved by a calm, relaxed state of the body, distraction and special, «dog» breathing.
However, people are creative beings, and they can sometimes adapt even the unpleasant sensations of pain for things that have nothing to do with the plans of nature. Acute pain (and the creation of acute pain) is sometimes used by some problematic individuals to distract themselves (the practice of self-harm), sometimes something similar is used in psychotherapeutic practices to release anger. Such exercises are rare, but another use of pain is almost universally known to everyone: it is the experience of suffering.
It is important to understand that:
Feeling pain is not necessarily accompanied by suffering. In my youth, I was injured, or rather, while working on a circular saw, I cut off my fingers on my left hand. The doctors performed the operation as best they could, the fingers were sewn, but they told me that I would know whether the sewn fingers would take root or not, by the feeling of pain. If the sewn fingers do not feel pain, then they are dead. If someday I begin to feel pain in them, it means that they are alive and will take root. And then, one morning, I felt my fingers hurt. How happy I was when I could feel this pain!
The sensation of pain, even acute pain, is simply an unpleasant sensation, sometimes an acutely unpleasant sensation, from which a person can, in extreme cases, lose consciousness. Incredibly painful does not happen: each of us has his own pain threshold, above which a person simply loses consciousness and stops feeling pain. This is clearly seen in the example of animals — animals naturally feel pain, but the experience of pain is not at all typical for them.
For animals to scream, roar or squeal in pain is not at all natural: this does not reduce the pain, and there is no evolutionary sense in such behavior. Roars, squeals and screams of pain in animals have a different meaning — this is a learned behavior that is characteristic of 1) for some herd animals where mutual assistance is possible, 2) for puppies of most predators, where it is customary to take care of small ones, and 3) practically for all domestic animals living among kind people.
A wild cat, having fallen into a trap, does not yell and does not suffer; in case of any pain, the cat will not make a sound, because it knows that if it makes noise, they will simply eat it. If, in the wild, an adult animal betrays its feelings — whether with whining, lameness, sad and dreary eyes and slow movements, it will not last long. In the animal community, the laws are extremely strict: if you suffer, you will be gnawed to death by your own, so as not to attract attention. Chickens and piglets kill their sick relatives.
If in the wild an animal began to limp, this means that it simply no longer has the strength not to limp. The horse begins to lame only when there is no more strength to endure. Cows also do not show suffering — they grind their teeth at most. Because of this, by the way, for a long time there was a belief that animals do not feel pain. If the pain is accompanied by sounds, it is mainly only as a warning to comrades that somewhere something is bad and you need to save yourself.
Interestingly, it is among predators that children whine in pain more often. Why? Adult carnivores, more than herbivores, take care of their little children, and children quickly begin to understand this: if you whine, they will help you. We have already written that if a lynx or a wolf gets into a trap, they will not make a sound, rather bite off their paw and run away. But their children behave differently: if a little wolf cub is caught in a trap, it will howl, whine and attract attention to itself. Feelings and whining is an appeal for help to the elders and the strong.
As the animals came into life together with humans, their reactions to pain became more vivid and understandable. Namely, they learned to experience in a way understandable to others. Any puppy learns quickly: if you scream desperately when the owners are trying to punish him, the punishment will be mitigated. And we know: unlike a silent wild cat, a domestic cat, having pinched its paw, yells (suffers) for the whole apartment. Why, why? A domestic cat knows that people will come running to her signal to save her and help her. Suffering and all other experiences appeared only where there is someone who can respond to it with help.
It is the same with people: unlike the sensation of pain, the experience of pain is a bodily and mental concert around this sensation. As a rule, this is a concert of suffering, whining and a demonstration of helplessness, a habitual childish reaction with the task of attracting attention and help.
To begin to see this, it is important to learn to distinguish between instrumental crying and manipulative crying. If a one-year-old baby hits hard and cries for mom to stroke the bruised place — this is not an experience, but a normal appeal to mom for help without the help of speech. This is an instrumental cry. If the big boy has already scratched his knee and whimpers, instead of going and smearing the abrasion with brilliant green, it is rather a desire to attract attention to himself so that those who tend to empathize will take pity on him. He begins to suffer in order to get additional winnings, and this is already manipulative crying. In exaggerated variations, the experience of suffering is a manifestation of bad manners, infantilism and a tendency to the behavior of the Parasite.
In general, the habit of experiencing pain, arranging concerts of suffering or rage around it is a stupid and harmful habit. The habit of experiencing pain comes from childhood, when our parents took care of us, and often provoked us to experiences. The habit of parents to “regret” is a direct provocation to “suffer”. In a culture where regret is not accepted, children are not taught to suffer.
As a child, it was natural, in adulthood, the habit of arranging a concert out of pain and suffering gains gives little, but greatly hinders. Breaking this habit is not easy, but it is possible. You need to start with the understanding that with pain it is not necessary to suffer and suffer: you can be surprised at your pain, you can study it, you can be distracted from pain. Pain may not cause any experiences — with an active, rather than an experiential attitude towards pain and life in general. It hurts — I treated the wound, bandaged my hand, then we do business. Pain is a difficulty, and difficulties can be overcome. The ability to overcome pain is called courage, and the focus on pain and submission to it is called cowardice.
And so that after this article you can at least do something, practice a calm presence in the shower. Namely, while taking a shower, when hard jets hit your face, make sure that your face remains completely calm, without grimaces, contortions and muzzles. Those who have such a skill (for some, this is natural since childhood), usually experience less pain. Good skill!