Takhir Bazarov read for us a book by Kenneth Klock and Joan Goldsmith “Conflicts at work. The Art of Overcoming Differences.
“There are a lot of books about conflicts, but it is impossible to call the topic open. After all, most of them look like recipes, instructions for use — “do it once, do it twice”, and ideas about the nature of the conflict are very vague. The book by American researchers Kenneth Klok and Joan Goldsmith demonstrates a completely different approach (it is presented freely, easily and clearly). They explain why there are no general principles for resolving conflicts, and an attempt to approach the situation rationally cannot be successful. Describing different cases of conflict, they enable readers to find their own meaning in them.
When studying conflicts, many researchers choose the metaphor of struggle; Kenneth Klock and Joan Goldsmith — a metaphor for travel. They go into it together with the reader, but not as instructors who give recommendations, but as guides who take on only part of the load. The authors of the book are partners helping us to think and create for ourselves. What is needed in a conflict where there are no unambiguous choices and everyone needs to live, suffer, tune in to another person, understand and accept his emotions. Another important point touched upon in the book is the pleasure of the conflict. Often we are afraid of controversial situations only because we did not experience the joy of resolving them. The authors of this book reassure the reader, saying that the joint creativity of the conflicting (but not opposing) parties helps, after the resolution of the conflict, to feel the pleasure of the fullness of life and the meaningfulness of their actions.
WHEN ENTERING INTO A CONFLICT, WE DO NOT JUST SOLVE THE PROBLEM, BUT WE TRY TO UNDERSTAND OURSELVES.
We can ask ourselves questions: to enter into conflict or not? How to protect yourself while doing this? But at such moments, we do not just solve the problem, we try to understand ourselves, to find out how deep our personality is. And it is desirable that there is someone nearby who will help you understand yourself. This book could be in that role. It is focused not on instant results, but on personal development. True, I would advise against spending money on it for refined and sophisticated manipulators. Well, except in one case — if they began to doubt that they actually like that nasty feeling that they experience every time they win the conflict.