Exercise «Mistake» — protection against self-blame

​​​​​​​ In the case of serious, unfortunate mistakes, especially those that entailed irreversible and painful consequences, many people begin to be tormented by fruitless experiences: “Well, didn’t I think? Why didn’t I foresee? How could I…” and so on. Such experiences, turning into self-discipline, hinder more than help, and from these experiences it makes sense to switch oneself to something more constructive.

Exercise «Mistake!» — develops the ability to calmly, without internal aggression, treat their random mistakes. For those who are drawn to experience, the Mistake exercise acts as a psychotherapeutic ritual in which a simple text is combined with three simple gestures. At the stage of mastering the ritual, gestures should be real, external gestures, and after the mastering stage, in the practice of use, imaginary, internal gestures are usually used.

Making real gestures is very helpful, but in front of others you can look too stupid. Therefore, real gestures can be made either next to those who understand and support you, or you can make these gestures in your imagination. But start practicing it — with real gestures, just choose a time and place when no one is around.

So, if you forgot something, missed it and missed it; mixed up, did not notice and went astray; could not stand it, broke loose and did the devil knows what; they said something wrong, not to that or not then, or just didn’t say what they needed,

in short, they were wrong, then —

1. Handles to the sides and say to yourself: More: tilt your head to the side, spread your paws convincingly to the sides (you will get such a peculiar gesture of the Dunce). While in this position, say: «Mistake!» (with intonation: «Anything happens!»). Do it in a childish way: funny, pretty and frivolous, exhaling and relaxed.

What is the meaning of this action? The fact is that for an emotional person, any mistake seems to be a boundless catastrophe “Horror-horror-horror”, there is an inadequate exaggeration. To remove this exaggeration, you need to make the same sharp understatement. Gesture Goonies reduces the significance of what is happening. You understand that this is Horror, but not Horror-horror-horror.

2. Cross your arms over your chest, hug your shoulders gently and carefully and say to yourself:

This is the meaning, the specific wording may be different. For example, one of the distance students supports herself like this: “I came up with it myself, I will praise myself now: Oh, what a smart girl, smart-reason!”. She likes it and it inspires her, so it’s right!

One way or another, it is important to move yourself from the negative to the positive. When a person makes a mistake, he feels “bad”: he begins to scold himself inside, discord arises in his head and soul. And in this state, as a rule, even more nonsense and nasty things come from him. Therefore, it is important to calm yourself in order to return to a normal sane state. To do this, you need to hug yourself, reassure yourself and say: «I’m good!».

Such a simple phrase, but works wonders! Actually, people swear most often when they lose the feeling «I’m good» — and they protect themselves with swearing. And you hug your beloved wife, tell her: “What a good you are!” — she stops swearing.

3. You feel good. But this exercise is not over, you have come to its most important stage. Therefore, the third gesture: an energetic working palm forward and a short phrase:

This is constructive. Conducted psychotherapy, turned on the state «I’m good», it’s time to get involved in the work, correct the consequences of the mistake. When you do business, everything that is right in your soul happens by itself, there is no time left for empty experiences. Do we need to remember what happened? There is no single answer here. If the mistake is small and random, it’s best to just get it out of your head. If the mistake is very serious and, moreover, can be repeated, make sure that it does not happen again. Remember, write it down, make a note in your heart with a red-hot iron — everything according to the circumstances and within the framework of common sense. You do not need self-flagellation, and the issue must be reliably resolved for the future.

Observation: these three steps (Mistake, I’m good, Work!) in a complete set are needed primarily by women. For men, the last instruction is usually enough: “Work!”

How to master the exercise «Mistake»

1. Start by marking all the mistakes you make during the day and fixing your internal text with which you accompany it.

For what? First, you just need a number: 1 error per day? 5 mistakes a day? fifty? Sometimes it may seem to you that you make mistakes all the time, from morning to evening, but in reality, when you start writing down, you will have only 50 mistakes. And that’s okay, not much at all. Secondly, you develop attention to your own behavior, and this is important. Thirdly, you will be able to understand which situations often cause you errors. By thinking this through, you can remove some of the errors. Fourth, when you know your inner text, you can change it more easily.

2. Choose a day when you will master the «Mistake» exercise.

Attention: this should not be the most difficult day, on this day you should have the opportunity to distract yourself with this exercise. Wish — let there be more benevolent people next to you, who will remind you of the “Mistake” exercise, and will not be surprised if you make these funny gestures with your hands. And it’s better to start doing the exercise right with gestures.

On the chosen day, set yourself the task: to wait for your mistakes, so that immediately, clearly, at the very moment of the mistake, make the necessary gestures and say the right text. It is important to perform the exercise at the very moment of the mistake, and for this, wait for your mistakes in guard. How would you like them to happen to you … — although, of course, you don’t need to specifically do them.

3. When the Mistake exercise starts to help you, be sure to tell about your success to one of your friends, to whom it can also be useful. Give this gift to a good person! And when you tell it, you will fix this exercise for yourself.

Work plan of D.R. over exercise Mistake