What is good and what is bad? How to treat migrants, what to do with kittens and whether to throw away old books? Will it be right to raise the salary in the department and should Petrov be fired? There are a lot of big and small issues in life, and for each of them you need to form your own position.
This is black and this is white. We will increase the salary from September, we will fire Petrov. Books that have not been read for the last 10 years and will not be read in the next 5 years — we throw them away.
A certain position has clear criteria saying YES or NO, DO or DO NOT.
So, the formation of such a well-defined position is a very difficult task for many. Many not only speak, but also think somehow indistinctly, blurry, confused. Far from all men are able to express themselves clearly, clearly and definitely, even more so this is a women’s problem. Many women not only do not have the habit of forming their own clear position, they also avoid it. Often this is said openly: “I am afraid to formulate it so harshly. Everything in life is ambiguous. I don’t want to confine myself with too strong formulations, I must have the freedom to think, I need the opportunity to act according to circumstances and change my point of view.
Now, this is not about certainty. This is about categorical and obstinate. Categoricalness is a denial of the right to a different point of view, obstinacy is a reluctance to change one’s position even where it is no longer appropriate.
In order not to confuse certainty with obstinacy and categoricalness, we clarify: “The position you have formulated and expressed may not be final. You don’t have to stick to it for the rest of your life, you can always change it. If these are not obligations to other people, but only your view and position, then changing your view in new circumstances is not inconsistency at all, but reasonable flexibility.
At the Distance there is an exercise “No categoricalness”, intended for people with pronounced categorical thinking. These two exercises act as two antipodes, although later you will realize that they complement each other perfectly. You must learn to speak not categorically, with a soft and calm intonation, while speaking very clearly and definitely in fact.
The purpose of the exercise: To supplement the exercise «Meaningful speech», to strengthen the length and thesis of thinking and speech of the participants of the Distance.
A person with a clear position wags less in life. He can change his mind, but this does not happen by itself, but deliberately. A person with certain views has not only fluid interests that change with mood and random factors, but also solid, clear values. With a person capable of certainty in statements, you can negotiate.
The ability to negotiate is the ability to combine two different and clear positions. And if you don’t have a clear position, how can you agree on something specific with you?
And, importantly, the development of this exercise dramatically reduces the conflict of communication between people. It is easy to criticize if there is no position.
My position is that your position is not correct.
— Which one is correct?
— I do not know. But yours is wrong.
If a person thought about his position, he himself was looking for its clear criteria and justifications, but there is nothing ideal, and smart people choose not the position that it is impossible to find fault with (this does not happen), but that imperfect one that simply has more advantages in comparison with others. He becomes more tolerant.
In any case, it is sometimes possible to combine two specific positions into one whole. And to combine one clear position with attacks on it will not work.
Exercise
While doing the exercise, your task in each conversation is to clearly articulate your position. Your position may not be final, but clear and understandable. When it comes to the need to make a decision, you are ready to formulate your decision.
You must develop the skill of speaking clearly about your position. You must be able to say «I’m for it» and «I’m against it.»
For the duration of the exercise, usually 1-2 weeks of hard work and a month of cleaning, it is recommended to remove turns from speech: “Well, I don’t know …”, “It all depends on the situation”, “Sometimes so, and sometimes not so”, “ Well, you are both right”, “I support both points of view”, “50/50” and so on. You understand, sometimes everything really depends on the situation, but now you need to learn exactly certainty. A month you need to do without these cloud-like statements.
Carefully! If a clear and precise position once voiced by you causes unnecessary conflicts or tragedies, be careful. Here you can remain silent, our task is to learn, and not to spoil the life of ourselves or others. Total: we work without fanaticism.
OZR: For the delivery of this exercise, you will be offered controversial topics that you must discuss, presenting your interlocutor with your clear, clear and at the same time understandably justified positions. You must clearly and reasonably say «I am for this» and «I am against this.» The ability to form and reasonably defend such positions will be considered as passing this exercise.