This is the custom of all good mothers. When the children fall asleep, mothers clean up their thoughts, put them in order and put all thoughts in their places. (J. Barry, «Peter Pan»)
When do you talk to your child? How often are you actually with him, here and now, thoughts, feelings, soul?
To speak means:
- Listen instead of waiting for your turn to speak
- Understand, not read notation
- Rejoice, not serve a debt
- To enter the child’s world, and not to forcefully pull into your own.
Yu. Gippenreiter in his book “Communicate with a child. How?» writes:
“The child, having made sure that the adult is ready to listen to him, begins to tell more and more about himself: the theme of the narration changes, develops. Sometimes, in one conversation, a whole tangle of problems and sorrows suddenly unwinds. (I would look differently — contact and mutual understanding is being formed — approx. Liana Kim)
Mom puts Seryozha to bed, the boy is naughty.
SEREZHA: I won’t, I don’t want to sleep. (Pause.) When will papa arrive? I’m tired of waiting for him! (Dad is on a long business trip and will not arrive soon.)
MOM: You miss me a lot.
SEREZHA: Yes, very much. I can no longer…
MOM: I miss you too. Let’s imagine that dad is coming. As it will be?
SEREZHA: (Reviving). He calls us from the station and says: «I’m already here, I’ll be with you soon!»
MOM: Yes, we were very happy, we are starting to put things in order …
SEREZHA: No, we have already put things in order, and you have already baked a pie.
MOM: Yes, of course. We begin to lay the table, put the cake, plates and cups.
SEREZHA: I take out my new typewriter from the «garage» and another album where I drew tanks.
MOM: Here we hear steps at the door, a call …
SEREZHA: I’m running to open it — dad!!! He laughs and picks me up…
The conversation continues for a few more minutes, after which the boy falls asleep with a smile on his face.
When children and parents dream together, the child knows that the adult hears and shares his feelings.
What to do
- Set aside 15 to 20 minutes before bed in your daily schedule.
- Only for a child! Thoughts, soul and body — to be together, «here and now.»
- We will talk about how to spend an hour with your child after work, how to celebrate the weekend … But for now, do it — 20 minutes before bedtime.
- Talk to your child. Talk for real: 20 minutes before bed.
- You can discuss the past day (“joys and sorrows”), think about something, daydream and fantasize, whisper and share secrets. Sing your favorite lullaby. Print out the «Hearts» sheet. Every day when you completed the task — mark the number on the sheet. At the end of the month, count — how many good evenings did you give your child?