Contents
Everything you need to know to try to solve a relationship that is in danger in summer
Sexuality
Finding time of privacy and recovering what we liked to do before having responsibilities is one of the ways
Every year, after the summer holidays, an increase in separations is repeated in Spain, a country that is among the ten in the EU with the most divorces. This year is a different summer that affects relationships and, even more so, if the previous months have been the experience of harsh confinement. In the harshest months of the quarantine, divorces have increased by more than 41%. Do youWe are in time to save the relationship?
Spend more time on Relationship, live together continuously, receive mutual reproaches or praise, align values, agree on the children’s educational strategy etc., brings to light in what
situation are the couples. This year, the confinement seems to have advanced the statistics on the calendar. This time the statistics have been advanced a couple of months since after living in extreme confinement for more than 50 days, many couples have not survived.
Those that have done so are faced with an unprecedented situation, like so many others that Covid-19 has brought, coming out strengthened as a couple after this situation it is a guarantee of continuity.
the worst period of the year
But why do more ruptures? María Rodríguez, a psychologist at the Cepsim Psychological Center, says that many people live absorbed by work and other obligations during the year. When we spend little time at home and we are so immersed in our day-to-day life and responsibilities, we end up exhausted and neglect our time as a couple. «This is generating distance between both and relational conflicts are postponed or covered up».
«There are couples who, although they live together, they live practically independently. There are hardly any discussions but, although it may seem that the problems appear surprisingly when summer arrives and we go on vacation, the truth is that the problems were already there before », warns the psychologist.
The expert says that sometimes we go on vacation hoping that relaxation and good weather solve our problems as a couple, but it is at that moment “when the focus is on the relationship and the reproaches that have been kept for so long come to the surface.” Lack of time with a partner, stress and lack of care are often the triggers of couple crises that, although it has been generated over time, appear when the Distractions and we spend time with the person who, at times, has become a complete stranger to us.
Another common problem at this time is that, as María Rodríguez says, we usually share time with the families of origin and couples are forced to spend time with the family of the other party in the relationship: “That implies different customs, schedules, rules at home, etc.”, which can lead to rivalries or friction that if they do not talk and actively resolve «can accumulate and generate that we communicate passively aggressively: releasing “pullitas” or making a vacuum, especially when there is little space to talk or discuss important issues because we are always with other people and we have little privacy», Concludes the psychologist.
Not everything is what you want
To save a couple relationship there must be several fundamental ingredients, the first being, according to María Rodríguez, that both people in the couple want to be together, solve the problem and are willing to work for it: “This implies, among other things, being able to forgive.”
Apparently, a great obstacle in relationships is resentment, rage and anger at the actions of the other that have caused us harm or by situations in which we have not felt understood or supported. «This generates that we are on the defensive and that we end up arguing, attacking and wanting to be right in every conversation. Sometimes we demand too much from the other, as if they should meet our expectations when in reality the couple is made up of different people with different ways of seeing and understanding the world ”, warns María Rodríguez.
Every person is a world
The relationship models that we have learned in our family of origin or in previous relationships are on many occasions those that have made us think that the other party has to think and act like ourselves and the values of each member of the couple may be different.
It should be noted that our idea of love is largely fueled by the so-called myths of romantic love, as if there were a “better half” that completes us and is going to make us happier. «Sometimes we think that, if he loves us, he has to know us perfectly as if he could read our minds, something that is very frustrating because creates unrealistic expectations and charges the other person with responsibilities that do not belong to him, “says the psychologist at the Cepsim Psychological Center.
“It is worth remembering that each of us is responsible for our own happiness and that the other does not have to know what we think, expect or need at all times,” warns the psychologist, adding that time is essential in couple. «When you have children sometimes this gets complicated and we stop seeing the other as a couple to see him only as father or mother. It is important to seek intimate time and recover what we liked to do before having responsibilities, taking care of the other and conceive the relationship as a project it takes dedication and time to flourish and continue to evolve. It is not a question of spending a lot of time together, but rather that it is of quality, “says the psychology expert.