“Everything will be my way!” And if not?

What are our expectations? It is a picture of the desired future that we draw in our imagination, starting from experience and actively using the information that we have. As a result, the future is seen either approximately the same as the present, or an order of magnitude better.

Let’s say you once hired an employee, and you had a complete understanding with him. Now you expect that in the future with all your subordinates you will have complete harmony and idyll.

Another example: you always wait for a taxi no longer than five minutes, so even going to a small town where an online taxi order service appeared almost yesterday, you will expect the car to be at your doorstep in the same five minutes, better – after two.

Did you climb the corporate ladder at your previous job? So the new place will be even better. Have you ever run 10 km easily every morning? So, after a two-year break, it will not be difficult. We raise the bar every now and then, and we do it in almost all areas of life. This is how it should be and how it will be, because we have decided so.

Often the goals that we set for ourselves in order to achieve great success and gain recognition are imperceptibly replaced by an inadequately high bar that we set by comparing ourselves to others and to ourselves in the past.

Another person has a different experience, knowledge, skills and abilities, but we ignore this, follow his advice, repeat his path step by step, but for a number of reasons we never achieve the desired results. The result is disappointment either in yourself or in his advice.

Another thing is high standards. I will give a personal example: after many years of living in Moscow, I enroll in a beauty salon in a small town. Exaggerated expectations would look something like this: the salon should be stylishly decorated, high-class professionals should work in it, who surround each client with XNUMX% attention, and all services without exception should be at the highest level.

In reality, it turns out that the appointment is not very convenient, there is no one at the reception, the masters are inattentive, and so on. Assessing the situation, I understand: the salon does not meet my standards, I will go to another. At the same time, I do not have negative emotions, disappointment, anger, dissatisfaction, irritation, since there were no high expectations either.

What to do?

Unfortunately or fortunately, it is impossible to completely abandon expectations. We all think about the future and strive to make it better than the present, so we consciously or automatically complete the picture, supplement it with the expected elements. “Don’t wait for anything” – advice, maybe not bad, but of little use in practice.

So how to be?

1. Give yourself time. Explore the situation, find out how things are. Take an interest in how they serve in the chosen salon, how long on average you have to wait for a taxi in this city, how the employee you plan to hire behaved at the same place of work. The Internet and people will help you. By doing this simple but important work, you can see more realistic prospects.

2. Accept the opportunity for change. Because of the craving for stability, we forget that everything can change. Girlfriend doesn’t want to meet as much as before. A colleague is no longer the shirt-guy to whom you can complain about life over a cup of coffee: he was promoted, and he just doesn’t have time for it. The nephews have grown up, and they are not as interested in playing with you as they were just a couple of years ago. Perhaps a lot has changed, but we just did not notice it.

3. Assess the situation as impartially as possible. In what areas do you constantly raise the bar: in relationships, career, areas of material wealth, health? Analyze in detail the current state of affairs in each area. How do you build relationships? Perhaps you are too demanding or, on the contrary, too compliant? You expect your income per month to grow 5-10 times in the near future, but how have things been in recent years? If your income barely grew, then why would there be a jump? It’s probably time to start setting yourself more realistic goals and moving towards them step by step.

4. Understand why this vision of the future is so important to you. What happens if the future is different? Perhaps you have a strong craving for control, you are afraid that life will turn into chaos if you do not keep your finger on the pulse? Accept the fact that the result is influenced by many factors, in addition to our desire. Perhaps everything will be the way you want, or maybe not.

5. Consider fallback options. What if things don’t go according to plan, even if you’ve done your best? How will you get to the place if the taxi driver has an accident on the way to you? Where will you get a manicure if the lights turn off in the salon? How will you pay your bills if you get fired? Who will you spend time with if old friends change priorities? If you keep in mind the possibility that something may not go according to plan, you will significantly reduce internal tension and become more calm.

And of course, learn to be grateful to yourself and life for any result – this is the key to accepting what is happening and inner freedom.