Everything is relative

“Everything is relative” is a phrase that evokes conflicting feelings. On the one hand, no one dares to challenge the famous theory of relativity, on the other hand, we perceive these words as a way to dismiss real difficulties. But understanding the relativity of a situation does not mean ignoring it or placing it on the same level as other problems.

The word “relative” means “established in comparison, comparison with another”¹. This means that we must stop looking at the situation in itself and, through comparison, figure out what it really is.

This is a conscious action, especially important at a time when we or others are seized with fear. “If you look at your fears from the outside, you can learn to control them,” says philosopher and psychoanalyst Else Godard. “We will see the situation that worries us more objectively, and it will no longer cause us emotional shock.”

The sense of imminent collapse that some of us are now talking about is not necessarily a direct consequence of external events. “There are realistic fears, they help us survive by warning of danger,” stresses existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova, “but it is important to separate them from fears that are not related to a specific situation, but to our tendency to dramatize.”

To what extent is my fear justified? What can I do to calm down? are helpful questions. Asking them, we can maintain common sense in a situation where, succumbing to emotions, we risk becoming objects of psychological and ideological manipulation.

Economics, politics, public life – in a word, everything that becomes an informational occasion gives rise to anxiety in us. It must be admitted that in these areas it is rather difficult to maintain a clear view, especially when one cannot rely on the opinion of specialists: observing economic cataclysms, they express too contradictory judgments.

Instability undermines not only the economy, but also our faith in the future, because pessimism is, in essence, fear of the unknown: in situations of uncertainty, the same neurons are activated that are activated when we expect to see something unpleasant.².

When we try to look at the circumstances of our lives from the outside, the influence of the news weakens. For example, upon hearing the phrase “Russia is in a terrible situation”, everyone will think of himself to the extent that he considers himself part of this country. And vice versa, during the Olympics in Sochi, many of us felt joy and pride for the country… This is how we should do it: remember the events of history and episodes from our personal past, compare them with the present, in order to see the relativity of what is happening now and thus overcome our anxious expectations.

“Our personality is much more than our fears,” emphasizes Svetlana Krivtsova. “In the past, we have both successes and experience of overcoming difficulties.” By reminding ourselves of this, we are freed from the power of anxiety of fears, we see reality more clearly and do not confuse it with rumors and conjectures.

Refusal to influence the situation – our unconscious choice?

Today, on the Internet, in social networks, in conversations with friends, we learn a lot of gloomy news and even gloomier forecasts … Maybe this explains our own gloominess? “The main problem is that most people are passive in relation to their lives,” Else Godard disagrees. “They don’t take it into their own hands, but obey it.”

We feel powerless in the face of the future because we choose to be powerless. Even if it happens unconsciously. “We demand too much from ourselves, we feel that we are unable to change everything at once, and because of this we do not do what we are quite capable of,” Svetlana Krivtsova notes. Neither prices nor exchange rates depend on us, we can only let go of the situation and honestly admit to ourselves: “I can’t do anything here.”

And if we want to act, we must first stop making unrealistic demands on ourselves. “We should correlate our responsibility with our capabilities,” continues Svetlana Krivtsova. We are not responsible for ensuring that all our plans are fulfilled with a guarantee, this is not in our power. But if we want to develop, take care of loved ones, live better, then it is in our power to look for new means for this every time. Our responsibility is to meet new situations with the degree of involvement that corresponds to our capabilities at the moment.

The catastrophic perception of reality has an unexpected side effect – rather a positive one. It makes us look at ourselves in a new way, to understand what is really important for us, to define the meaning of our life more clearly. Psychologist Viktor Frankl wrote that it is extreme trials that bring to the fore our attitude to given external circumstances, make our inner, spiritual freedom the main thing.³. It is difficult to find the meaning of life in a situation of absolute comfort, while during the war people are forced to perceive reality differently. When we find that the horizon is closed, we overestimate what we have.

Everything is bad? Perhaps this means that it is time for us to reconsider our lives – mindless consumption, entertainment, passivity, indifference to others. Nothing prevents you from changing your behavior. “In times of crisis, we remember that life is multidimensional, and this is good for us,” says Elsa Godard. – Because if we do not know how to analyze the experience of misfortune, illness, inconvenience, then we lose our human essence.

In the old days, a person had to fight for food, territory, and so on. Today, when, whatever you say, our life is mostly comfortable and safe, it is worth fighting against defeatism, disbelief in our own strength, which seizes us more and more every day, and win back our lives in order to give it meaning again. The philosopher recalls that the word “crisis” comes from the Greek kairos and means “timeliness, appropriateness, the most opportune moment.” It means “now or never”…

“To overcome the crisis internally…”

Mikhail Epstein, philosopher

Everyone who is caught in a crisis has to overcome it internally, peering into the foundation of their character and culture. Did you sympathize with the general impulse under the daring slogan “everything is ours”? Did you feel a surge of pride at the sight of the weak and humiliated and a surge of joy at the news of other people’s troubles? Have you heard in your heart the drumbeat at the cry: “Tanks against Kiev”, “Europe against the wall”, “We will defeat Pindostan”, “We will defeat the fifth column”?

We must remove this thorn in our hearts – the conviction that we are the best, that the world is indebted to us and that we are unfairly offended. If we understand that it is fair, and also merciful for our sins, then it will feel better, but only if we do not stop halfway, we do not try to cheat again. Russian society needs a new level of self-awareness, criticism even of such “unshakable foundations”, which are expressed by the concepts of “people”, “victory”, “feat”, “land”, “Russia” …

It would seem that what is wrong with such words as “the Russian world” or “Russia is above all”? But let’s substitute here, for example, Germany – and we will understand why it is impossible for modern, sane Germans to think about themselves in this way in a country that has been recovering from Nazism for seventy years now. And our totalitarian past is much deeper. Twelve years of totalitarian fury were enough for Germany to come to its senses, and Russia is already falling into the same trap for the second time, from which a quarter of a century ago it got out seemingly unharmed, almost without bloodshed.

Two eternally Russian questions: “Who is to blame?” and “What to do?” – they now receive, at the judgment of the whole society, unexpected, but the only possible answers: “You yourself are to blame” and “There is nothing to do.” There is only one way out: to repent, to return someone else’s, to pay off all accounts, to suffer a well-deserved punishment. Then another life begins…

¹ Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language, ed. S. Ozhegova, N. Shvedova (Azbukovnik, 2000).

² The study was conducted by specialists in the field of clinical psychology at the University of Zurich (Switzerland), published in the journal NeuroImages in 2007.

³ V. Frankl “Say yes to life! Psychologist in a concentration camp” (Sense, Alpina non-fiction, 2009).