In modern society, nudity has ceased to be a taboo, depreciated. On TV screens, billboards, magazine covers, we see naked bodies everywhere. Surprisingly, the abundance of naked models does not help to feel happier in your own body. From now on, our view of ourselves is built according to the laws of porn and marketing – they set a new aesthetic code, a modern idea of perfect nudity.
“I still get chills when I remember my feelings from nude portraits of Lucian Freud,” says 36-year-old Nina. “I saw them for the first time at an exhibition at the Pompidou Center and, like many around, I experienced inexplicable excitement and delight. We are used to living surrounded by glossy advertising beauties – their bodies are so perfect that there is nothing intimate left in them. In general, you forget that the models are naked. In Freud’s paintings, I was struck by the folded bellies, full thighs … genuine nudity, vulnerable and incredibly moving.
This visual and emotional shock has nothing to do with the impression that strings of thin elastic bodies make on us at fashion shows or in movies. The paradox of modern nudity, eroticized beyond measure, is that it seeks to break taboos and arouse desire, but in fact it rarely excites, and only truly shocks even less often.
We are tired of its abundance, there is nothing personal, individual left in it. It’s time to ask a question that concerns us all: does exposed nudity help to cope with complexes and overcome internal inhibitions, or, on the contrary, gives rise to new psychological problems?
How to achieve perfection
The unprecedented spread of pornography has changed our view of the naked body. Porn embellishes, deprives it of naturalness: just look at the actresses – full depilation, silicone breasts, lips, tattoos. We ourselves do not notice how we begin to make the same demands on real life, to adjust it to the standard of a porn film.
“Natural nudity, without embellishment, can now only be found in a social context, when people take off their clothes to express their civic position, to draw attention to a particular problem,” sociologist Christoph Kolera shares his observations. For example, Russian artist Pyotr Pavlensky in 2013 undressed and nailed his scrotum to the paving stones on Red Square in protest against the apathy of fellow citizens who prefer to endure the arbitrariness of officials instead of fighting for their rights.
Among the many reasons why we get naked, Christoph Kolera identifies three main ones: applied nudity (I undress to take a shower), nudity as a way of humiliation (for example, when prisoners of war are forced to strip naked) and, finally, nudity as a gift (erotica, sexuality ). It was the latter that came to the fore today.
If we are uncomfortable in our own body, we will not be able to relax in the arms of another person.
Some forty years ago, it was not accepted to be naked in society. The naked body was part of a hidden, intimate life and therefore so charged with sexual desire. Today, an actress with her breasts accidentally dropped out of a deep neckline or a close-up of passers-by who forgot to wear underwear cause laughter, and nothing more. Nude scenes in films have become commonplace. Surprisingly, at the same time, as psychotherapists note, most men and women are not at all in tune with their bodies.
“After watching a movie or a glossy magazine, I always feel sad,” admits 33-year-old Larisa. “I compare myself with photo models or actresses and see what an abyss separates us, mere mortals, from the elite, although I understand perfectly well that in films and during photography they use special lighting, skillful makeup, photoshop and other tricks.”
Surveys show that more than 52% of women do not like their body, and about a third of them prefer to have sex in the dark for this reason. “An intimate life in which we, in theory, can feel safe, relax, hide, is less and less like a sacrament and more and more like a performance when we put ourselves on display and think about our “image,” says gynecologist and andrologist Sylvain Mimoun. . “It is very harmful to the psyche.” The huge gap between natural and staged nudity leads many women, and even men, to rejection of their body, sharp self-criticism.
“Complexes associated with appearance overshadow sexual life, reduce libido, make it impossible to have fun,” adds Sylvain Mimoun. “If we are uncomfortable in our own body, if we are ashamed of our imperfect forms, we will not be able to relax either under the gaze or in the hands of another person.”
The target for criticism is overweight, lack of elasticity, traces of time … 41-year-old Isabelle admits with embarrassment that she tries to avoid certain poses due to folds in her stomach and sagging breasts. Women’s complexes do not change for thousands of years. From time immemorial, women have been worried about the issue of perfection, the “ideal” trio: youth – elastic body – harmony.
“This triptych was inherited by us from Ancient Greece,” says Christophe Kolera, “it embodies a certain formula, an exact code of physical beauty. What does not fall into this description is not beautiful and desirable. But, the sociologist notes, the situation is gradually changing – naked bodies from real life are more and more exciting. They may again become an object of desire.
Russian model Dilyara Larina is another prime example of how unconventional looks are becoming more and more desirable. The girl said goodbye to complexes about weight and achieved success in her career when she moved into the plus-size category and began to advertise clothes for obese women. Today, Dilyara is the founder of the Plus-Size Model Agency for non-standard models and the author of the book In the Body of Non-Standard.
“Harmony with oneself and the body comes spontaneously. Men play a role in this, because they like absolutely all types. The concept of “ideal figure” for them simply does not exist. Walk through the groups of plus-models on VKontakte – and you will understand that 70% of men are simply dragged by such girls. I used to feel insecure during sex, but over the years I realized that during lovemaking, men do not look at your figure. They look into your eyes and at what you can do in bed.
If you feel cool, then the man will. So have sex. Don’t talk about your shortcomings. Flirt – it’s available and anyone can do it. And let the designers put up mannequins with clothes of large sizes – and this will be a promotion, but not fullness, but freedom: the main value is your body, and you can put anything on it, ”says Dilyara in an interview with Wonderzine.
Natural nudity vs marketing
“There is a lightness in nudity, an inseparable merging with the world, when no clothes, jewelry, no barriers separate us from it,” says philosopher and art historian Claire Marga. Blissful state of original joy and strength. The memory of him is stronger than the external pressure of society.
“Unfortunately, in our culture, nudity has been reduced to a ‘picture’,” says Gestalt therapist Isabelle Temperville, associate director of the Paris School of Gestalt. – In fact, this is a different way of interacting with the surrounding reality, the ability to give and receive. Not just the body and looking at it, but one of the deepest experiences that touches all our senses.
Physical closeness with mother helps baby feel safe
Each of us perceives nudity differently: depending on how we treat our body. “If I separate myself from it and just use it, my attitude can be called narcissistic or utilitarian,” explains Isabelle Temperville. “If I truly live in it, then I feel my inseparability from it. This does not necessarily mean that I am delighted with my body, but I feel good and comfortable in it.
It is clear that harmonious relationships do not develop by themselves. First of all, they are the result of properly built friendly relations between parents and the child. Neuropsychiatrist Boris Tsiryulnik in his works showed how strongly the infant is affected by the physical, emotional and linguistic connection with the mother. Prior to him, British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott also argued for the importance of physical closeness between mother and child, especially the way a mother carries and caresses her baby. Thus, she helps him feel safe.
Thanks to these studies, it becomes clear why men and women of ideal physique sometimes hate their appearance, and people who are far from physical perfection, on the contrary, feel great in their body. The first, perhaps, should learn from the second the ability to simply live in it, without any condemnation.
Reconciliation time
Accepting your nakedness and physical imperfection with it is not easy, it takes time and perhaps the help of a therapist to reconsider your attitudes and past. “If you have a difficult relationship with your own body, you are ashamed of it, the reason may lie in mental or physical trauma,” explains Isabelle Temperville. “Illness, unflattering feedback and ridicule from someone around can leave a spiritual wound, which an experienced professional will help heal.” Temperville believes that by learning to live in harmony with our nakedness, we become stronger, better understand ourselves and begin to appreciate our uniqueness. And this, in turn, makes us more sensitive and tolerant towards others.