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The Internet loves sex scandals. An intimate video of the captain of the Russian national football team Artem Dziuba has hit the Web. And now there are discussions about how this will affect his career, some of his colleagues have disowned the football player, celebrities have risen to his defense. And we argue with psychologists and sexologists why people generally shoot such videos.
Many stars, including Ksenia Sobchak, Tina Kandelaki, Svetlana Loboda, Philip Kirkorov, Maxim Vitorgan, Valeria, Natasha Koroleva and others wrote words of support in their blogs and urged not to delve into the private life of public figures and, moreover, not to judge their professional career.
Sergey Shnurov even wrote a poem in which he called the incident a “powerful challenge”, apparently hinting that from now on football players can measure not only the number of goals scored.
Dziuba himself posted a video in which he apologized for what happened and thanked those who supported him: “I am not perfect, like any person, I make mistakes. And we are all sinners, unfortunately.
According to many stars and network commentators, an unethical act is not recording an intimate video, but uploading it to the network for everyone to see. And from this point of view, Dzyuba does not look like an anti-hero of the day, but one who suffered from someone’s dishonesty.
«Can be used against you»
Isadora Alman, a licensed psychotherapist, consultant in matters of sexual and family relations, considers sexting (correspondence of a sexual nature) and sending intimate “video selfies” not the most successful undertakings.
“Messages on any of the electronic media continue to live, they always leave a trace. Other people may see them, misinterpret their meaning and purpose. They can be copied and broadcast to places you didn’t even know existed.
These messages can and will haunt you even when you stop feeling the way you felt when you wrote them. So many things can go wrong. Is it worth the risk?
The next time you pick up a gadget to record something sexy, ask yourself: how would you feel if your boss, your mother, or your worst enemy saw this.2.
Blackmail is the oldest manipulation used by dishonest people to gain from others for their own benefit. Everyone remembers well the stories about Sherlock Holmes, which featured incriminating letters. Today, they have been replaced by videos that people inadvertently send to others or store in insecure places.
Why, in spite of everything, men and women are so drawn to remove what seems to be not intended for prying eyes?
New reality
The simplest answer is that we are so accustomed to video messages that we no longer see it as something that goes beyond the norm. Video is everywhere — in the form of vlogs, messages and other communication options.
Shooting a video couldn’t be easier, because everyone has a smartphone with a camera. Submit — click one button. Not surprisingly, people use this option in different areas of life — even in the most intimate.
Part of an intimate relationship
In addition, advice is often found on the Web to diversify your sex life with a partner with playful correspondence, sending provocative photos. And if the video remains available only to its author and addressee, then it is just part of the game, flirting, relationships. True, people’s perceptions can be completely different.
“When it comes to men sending photos of their genitals, women are usually not thrilled about receiving such photos, what a sexual arousal there is,” writes Isadora Alman. But, as in other manifestations of sexuality, the main thing is mutual understanding, harmony and consent between partners.
What other reasons might motivate a person to film themselves?
Narcissism
And if it’s just a manifestation of narcissism? How is self-admiration in erotic moments so different from the desire to endlessly take selfies, pose for the camera and then collect likes, admiring your most successful photos again and again?
Filming a sex tape with yourself is a typical manifestation of narcissism, says sexologist Stu Nugent. In his opinion, we all want to see ourselves as sexy, and by filming our self-satisfaction or making love with a partner on video, we can literally live our pleasure again and again3.
Autoerotism
Perhaps even deeper. According to relationship expert Becky Spelman, there are people who find sexual pleasure in themselves rather than in a partner.
This is called autoeroticism — even when having sex with someone, a person gets pleasure primarily from himself, his participation and role in this process, and not from who or how his partner acts. He is excited not by the attractiveness of another, but by his own images.
“The most personal aspect of sex is what we do with ourselves when we are alone. Many people experience vague shame at the act of self-gratification. They may have been criticized as children by their parents for exploring their bodies, receiving instructions that they should never masturbate, or at least feel guilty about it. However, in fact, masturbation is normal at all stages of life, ”says sex therapist Larry Watson.5.
Shooting a video and reviewing it, admiring your sexual attributes, including the penis (in the case of men), is a completely logical manifestation of autoeroticism. In any case, such actions do not cause immediate harm to anyone, they simply refer to what we are accustomed to consider personal, intimate.
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In many countries, if a person is found guilty of posting someone’s intimate video online, they can be sued for a hefty sum. And rightly so — such incidents should be «played out» in the legal field. And they certainly do not comply with the principles of fair play (from the English. Fair play, “fair play” — ethical rules about nobility and fairness in sports).
And those who send their photos, videos and careless messages should always remember the sad truth: everything you shoot can be used against you.
2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-sociability/201607/intimate-relationships-and-electronic-devices
3 https://metro.co.uk/2019/05/22/obsessed-filming-sex-9645825/
5 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/married-and-still-doing-it/201709/6-facts-and-myths-about-masturbation