Everyone cares only about himself: is it true?

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Are people always selfish? — No. People are different, actions are different. The actions of many people are not selfish precisely because they are impulsive and automatic, and when performing them, a person does not think about his own interests and benefits precisely because he does not think about anything at all. The wind is not selfish, and the actions of many generally selfish girls are not selfish, because they have wind in their heads … But there is also no reason to say that every thinking person always takes care of himself only. Everything is more interesting and more difficult.

Smart people can easily see when people hide their personal benefit behind beautiful words about the common human benefit.

With a certain view of a person, it is easy to show that behind every seemingly lofty motive there can be a selfish motive. Some people, on this basis, are convinced that all people ultimately care only about themselves. Psychoanalytic psychologists and most Gestalt therapists are simply convinced of this.

If you take care of yourself, this will cause understanding in the Gestalt therapist. If you care about someone else, this will cause the Gestalt therapist to ask: “Why do you need this? What is your need behind this? Why do you need it? Until you reduce caring for others to meeting your own needs, you will cause concern and anxiety in Gestalt therapists, arouse suspicions of a broken contact cycle.

Is it true? — There are several truths.

One truth is that, indeed, most people are motivated by completely selfish motives, while covering them with beautiful words “love”, “nobility”, “care for people”, “helping the poor” and so on. See →

Moreover, in the Russian mentality, reasonable expediency is practically a synonym for selfish, selfish behavior and is not honored, as something “American”. It is difficult for the average Russian layman to imagine that it is possible to act reasonably and consciously not only for oneself, but also for someone else, therefore, selfless actions are identified with actions “from the heart”, based on feelings, without a head.

A typical example: in the article “A Son Is Twelve: Raising Responsibility,” a smart dad wrote how he cultivates in his son the habit of thinking “why” he does this or that. Commentary on this article: “I see an adult young man with a question, why should I take care of my parents, show respect for them, for what purpose? Now I’m independent and I don’t need my parents anymore.»

We responded to this comment with: “Hmm. Do you think that parents can be loved only if for nothing, “without a head”? If parents really brought up children, children have values, and not just needs, and children already know how to take care of worthy people. That is, about the parents — in the first place, and precisely because the parents themselves set an example for them in this.

The other truth is that «everyone, everyone only cares about himself» is not true. There have always been and are people who really care about many important issues not only about themselves (see the Creator and the Man-organism and the man-personality). Behind their motives one can also dig out egoistic notes, but it is wrong to reduce the main content of motivation to them.

Don’t confuse incentives with meaning-forming motives. If next to the motive “take care of your mother” you find the stimulus “I personally will be pleased with this,” then of course you are attentive, but the stimulus from this remains only an incentive, and the motive remains a motive. If you ask me if I like to turn the steering wheel of a car, I will answer: “Yes, I do.” But if you then say that I bought a car in order to turn the steering wheel, I will smile … “Turn the steering wheel”, “prestigious” — this is true, but these are motives-incentives. And the real, meaning-forming motive, for which I laid out a really large amount of money, is the speed and convenience of traveling by car, which cannot be solved in other ways. See →

For many researchers of human souls, depth consists only in seeing baseness.

“A person chooses what motivation to attribute to the behavior he observes, and does so in accordance with his own worldview — optimistic or pessimistic. For my taste, the second choice is made today much more often than the first, so often that I am ready to call this phenomenon «lowering the level of motivation.» In short, this phenomenon manifests itself in the fact that a psychologist who wants to explain behavior prefers lower motives to the detriment of middle-level motives, and the latter, in turn, prefers higher ones (A. Maslow, “Motivation and Personality”, Preface )».

It is easy to get lost in the depths of theories, and in life you usually do not confuse those who easily forget about everyone and worry only about themselves — and people for whom it is natural to think not only about themselves. And also about relatives. And about business. And about other lofty concepts that sound serious to them.

“Looking at a self-actualized person who performs a very specific job, serves law, family, science, psychiatry, teaching or art, that is, obeys the conventional requirements of a profession or vocation, we cannot fail to notice that in fact his motives for work are more essential. , are higher than actually necessary, that service for him is only a means to achieve some other, higher goal (85, 89). I myself observed them at work and asked them questions. For example, I asked them why they like being a doctor, or what they find in housekeeping, or social work, or raising a child, or writing. And, based on their answers, I am ready to solemnly declare that they work for the sake of truth and beauty, in the name of virtue and legality, for the good of order and justice, in the pursuit of perfection. Indeed, it all comes down to a dozen or so higher values ​​(or values ​​of Being) — all hundreds and hundreds of specific and very different answers to my question about what they want, what they strive for, what gives them satisfaction, what they value, for the sake of what they work day after day and, in fact, why they work — A. Maslow. 2Far reaches of the human psyche.

Read articles on the topic: «Are we selfish by nature?»

Biologically, we are selfish. See →

Why we are not born selfish. See →