And the point is not at all to stop asking the child questions or no longer encourage him to act. It’s just worth doing it differently.
“Why don’t you write?” “Why don’t you get dressed?” “Why don’t you eat?”
Why, why, why… And what do you feel when you are asked “why do you…”? That’s right: confusion, resentment or anger. In a child, such questions evoke similar feelings. To answer, he needs to come up with a motive for his behavior. That is why every time you ask the question “why?”, you are teaching the child to lie. Often even an adult does not realize why he did this and not otherwise. Do you want to get a convincing answer from a child?
I believe that you want another. So try it differently: “I see that …”, “I feel that …”, “I will help …”. For example: “I see that you are not doing homework”; “I feel like you don’t know where to start (that you are tired, that you are going through). I can help you?”
Or at least replace the question “why?” to the question “how?”. Instead of asking “Why did you blow up the school toilet?” ask: “Tell me how you did it?” Instead of “Why don’t you do math?” – “How (with what) will you start?”