“Equality of rights does not cancel the difference between the sexes!”

At the end of his life, Sigmund Freud wrote that he could not answer the question of what women really want. As a specialist in female sexuality, can you give an answer?

Jacqueline Shaffer, psychoanalyst: In Vienna, in Freud’s time, a woman’s life was subject to the law of “three Ks”: Kinder, Küche, Kirche, that is, children, kitchen, church. Today it only brings a smile. Modern women can share reproductive functions and sexual desires, this is the strongest change.

Moreover, sexual pleasure has practically become a duty. Masturbation used to be considered a sin, but now it is absolutely normal and even desirable, helping children to get to know their bodies. Homosexuals also got a lot of freedom.

But back to the question of what a woman wants. It seems to me that the desire for exclusively sexual freedom is the property of a phallic woman who desires to have male power and competes with men.

Moreover, to make you desired is not passive, but active behavior. A woman does not prey on a man (this is just a trait of a phallic woman), she wants to be desired by the man she has chosen. She wants to create a love couple with him.

In the XNUMXst century, women can finally choose what they really want. But even now there are examples of relationships that are not based on love: in bourgeois families, the choice of a husband can be determined by family interests in land, property, and finances.

There are women who choose relationships without love with very wealthy men. But these are quite rare cases, in the center is still love. It seems to me that love is more of a female issue, although there are exceptions among men for whom love becomes the main goal.

You have named two aspects of the feminine: maternal and sexual. But there is also a career. How to learn to juggle these functions without infringing on any of them?

Indeed, these three roles – motherhood, sexuality, and social fulfillment – are in constant conflict. It is incredibly difficult to strike a balance between them. There is always a risk that one of the functions will play a more important role.

For example, a phallic woman will rather choose social realization, while another will try to find herself in motherhood. Sometimes husbands with great phallic power can impose their choice on the wife. In such a situation, it is important not to succumb to pressure, make a decision and find the optimal balance on your own.

Think of the movie The Bridges of Madison County. The main character (played by Meryl Streep) met a man who opened her way to pleasure, her feminine, but she abandoned her passion in favor of her family because she did not want to cause suffering to her husband and children.

To fulfill socially by discovering and developing your talents, to be a mother who devotes herself to home, children and husband, or to balance between these roles. It seems to me that children are always a little frustrated when their mother works, but they can be proud of her. There is always suffering on the mother’s side, but children’s pride can help overcome remorse.

Is it possible to say that even today, despite numerous studies, female sexuality still remains a mystery?

I think that female sexuality is no longer a mystery, but the meeting of a man and a woman itself remains a mystery to both. Even during the practice of love, when two bodies merge together, it is very difficult to understand the feelings of the other.

The pleasure of a man is the rise and fall of tension, this is the desire of an organ. The pleasure of a woman is a more complicated thing. If you look at the female reproductive system, you will see that it is incredibly complex.

I make a distinction between orgasm and pleasure. A man’s orgasm is the end of pleasure, a woman’s orgasm is only the beginning, a trigger for further pleasure. Orgasm is the culmination and return to the “I”, and pleasure is the exit from the “I”, which can frighten a man.

In addition, the age of orgasm is short, and pleasure is a long process that can lead a woman to multiple orgasms. It is meeting a man, a lover of pleasure, that opens the feminine of a woman, but there is no guarantee that a woman will meet such a man.

Having experienced an orgasm, she can begin to go towards pleasure, provided that she has a man who will accompany her without fear. It is very important that the lover is not afraid of female pleasure.

In an era of gender equality, many women tend to play by men’s rules, practicing, for example, sex without commitment. To what extent is this transformation reflected in the “marriage games”: does a woman take an active role from a man?

According to Freud, male sexuality is the sexuality of the conqueror, it is action, penetration. A girl, a woman, on the contrary, is doomed to waiting. First, she waits for her breasts to grow, menstruation begins, then she waits for a meeting with a man, penetration, the birth of a child.

It seems to me that active courtship of a man is contrary to female nature. A woman shows her desire in a more hidden way. She seduces, demonstrating the desire of a man’s desire. When a woman lashes out at a man, this is phallic behavior that will be close and understandable only to feminine men.

I am not against the struggle for gender equality in the social, political and economic spheres. But it should not extend to sexual relations. The abolition of differences between the sexes is a very harmful and destructive process, the consequences of which can hardly be overestimated. It has a negative impact on the psyche, complicates the relationship between a man and a woman, especially sexual life in a couple.

Equality of rights does not cancel gender differences! It is important not to confuse these things. Acceptance of differences is a necessary condition for successful and satisfying love and sexual relationships, the only way for partners to achieve sexual pleasure.

And the most pronounced differences bring maximum benefit. A man and a woman are not equal in sexual terms, if only because a man penetrates inside, and a woman accepts him, there is no physiological and mental equality in this.

You noticed that women’s right to sexuality has become a duty. A woman who does not always get sexual pleasure feels inferior. What problems does this transformation give rise to?

A modern woman “should have an orgasm”, this categorical requirement creates a lot of tension in a couple. Indeed, in order to experience pleasure, a woman must be relaxed, tension is the main obstacle to pleasure.

Now she has the right to speak about her desires, but a man can see this as an attack on his masculinity. Maintaining balance in a couple is extremely difficult.

The total spread of pornography is also a serious problem of our time. Men watch porn movies and think, “Is this exactly what she wants?” They carry artificial and unrealistic images into their sexual relationships.

Women watch porn movies and think: “If I don’t act like this, I don’t experience such pleasure, then something is wrong with me?” As a result, they begin to portray what they do not feel, further trapping themselves.

Fortunately, there are “antibodies” – love, trust and the ability to openly talk about your desires and fantasies.