Contents
Many women face the problem of negative attitudes from men. But the forms of expression of dissatisfaction can be different: from ordinary irritation and grumbling to constant humiliation and assault. Psychologist Anastasia Polkhova helps to figure out where the line that cannot be broken is.
Initially, it is worth understanding the ugly truth: you are treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. If a man scolds you in public or humiliates you at home, then you allow it. And as a result, you face a serious problem.
What to do if the partner began to behave aggressively emotionally or physically? First of all, tell him about it, share your sense of self and outline the boundaries of what is permitted. Do not hesitate, do not wait for the «right moment», do not look for excuses. Clearly and distinctly make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable. This approach will allow you to stop the negative situation at the initial stage, preventing it from developing into more.
If you hush up feelings and emotions, then you take the position of the victim, allow the man to break loose on himself. The position is dangerous because the problem will only get worse, and gradually, hardly noticeable. But in the end, getting out of the “tyrant-victim” relationship without loss and learning to respect yourself again will become much more difficult.
Analysis of the situation
If you want to save the relationship, but the man is being abusive, it’s important to figure out what caused the behavior. Analysis of the situation will allow you to understand how acute the problem is. Ask yourself: how long has this been going on? There can be two options:
- The man’s behavior changed spontaneously. Think about what might have affected him. Perhaps he has difficulties in business, some problems with friends or colleagues? Or there were some events that he is silent about or is ashamed to say directly. Remember what has been slipping in conversations lately, or gently ask in a relaxed atmosphere. Support your partner if his life is going through a difficult period.
- Abusive behavior has become the norm and has been happening for a long time. Correcting the situation in this case will be much more difficult and energy-intensive. You may need the help of a psychologist and all your determination.
But, no matter how long the period of quarrels and humiliations lasts, you must find out what provoked such behavior of the husband.
Appearance and behavior
It is rare that after 5-10 years of marriage it is possible to maintain romance and passion. The couple is engulfed in everyday worries. Spouses are faced with many domestic issues. Instead of love and tenderness comes discontent and constant claims.
Check yourself, look in the mirror. Perhaps you stopped being a dream woman for your man, put on a bathrobe and turned into a saw? If yes, then you yourself provoked a negative attitude.
When you stop caring about your appearance, you show disrespect for a man. A woman should always remain well-groomed, gentle and calm.
If a spouse fell in love with a fluttering beautiful girl, and now you have turned into a housewife in shabby clothes with curlers on your head, then he experiences hidden discontent. And he shows it indirectly — with nit-picking and negative remarks. He cannot directly say that he does not feel like a man next to you.
It is worth paying attention not only to the appearance, but also to the behavior, because often women themselves bring out partners. If you somehow hurt your husband, for example, doubting his masculine qualities and abilities, then he uses humiliation as a defensive reaction.
If this is the reason, then it is easy to eliminate it — just transform, remember what you were like, bring romance and tenderness into the relationship. If you ignore the first bell, then the second will probably follow later, and it will be much more difficult to rewind the current situation.
Communication on the side
It will certainly form if you have lost and have not found a woman in yourself. Then the man will definitely find a way to get for himself what you do not give him.
In this case, the negative attitude of the spouse has a different goal: all the nit-picking, swearing, and so on is just an attempt to provoke you to file for divorce. He himself does not dare to take such a step, because then he can be called the culprit of the breakup of the family. Nobody likes to feel bad.
But if you initiate a divorce, then he will be able to justify himself in his own eyes. Now it is not he who is bad, but «you put him out.»
Attempts to assert themselves
This often happens when a man is notorious, he has low self-esteem. Perhaps the partner wants to prove to himself that he is worth something. He manages to feel his power only in relation to someone obviously weaker, that is, his wife. That’s why he teases you all the time.
If you have been living with a person who humiliates you for a long time, you should start by working on your self-esteem
There is another situation: the chosen one humiliates you because he is afraid to lose. This behavior is also inherent in weak men who are unsure of themselves. He seeks to dissuade you of your attractiveness, intelligence and competence and to convince you that no one but him needs you. This allows a man to hope that a woman will definitely stay with him, even if he ultimately turns out to be a complete loser and achieves nothing in life.
In these cases, tyranny for a man is a familiar form of control.
How to deal with a husband who harasses you with insults
The main thing is that you yourself set the boundaries of what is acceptable in any relationship. If the chosen one began to allow himself taunts against you and you immediately reacted to this, this indicates your good self-esteem and a clear understanding of your own boundaries. Not a single tyrant will simply take root here, since you will be able to defend the right to personal freedom and your own opinion.
But if you have been living with a person who humiliates you for a long time, you should start by working on self-esteem and self-awareness. It is necessary to speak out all dissatisfaction as soon as they arise, and not to hush up conflict situations. Refuse to be the victim. This position is dangerous, because a person gets used to everything. And you will get used to being humiliated and insulted, and the man will pour all the negativity on you.
What to do if you are in a tyrant-victim relationship
You have to love yourself, and this is a big inner work. When you take care of yourself, pamper yourself and appreciate, then do not let into your life someone who does not support this state.
If this happened:
- Bring back your beauty and self-confidence. Become bolder, more graceful, take care of yourself, arrange spa rituals once a week that awaken femininity.
- Recall with your loved ones funny and happy moments from your life together. Take a walk in your places, spend time together talking about the days when you inspired each other. Thus, the man will feel more warmth towards you.
- Tell your partner in a calm, even voice that you are in pain when he begins to behave in this way. Do without insults, do not get personal — do not evaluate his behavior. Report only about yourself and your feelings: I am offended, I feel annoyed, cold and indifferent. Together, try to find a compromise so that this does not happen again.
These tips will help only under one condition: when a man also wants to improve relations. But if you got a tyrant, then these methods will not work. He is not interested in equal relations, it is important for him to dominate a person and completely control him. It won’t change behavior. In this case, you must determine for yourself whether you are ready to live in this state all your life, and act on the basis of your decision.