Communicating with the dead, leaving the body, reading thoughts, clairvoyance… It is difficult for eyewitnesses to talk about such phenomena because of the fear of being branded crazy. Our experts suggest listening to witnesses of paranormal incidents without passing judgment.
“It happened sixteen years ago. I slipped, fell and hit the back of the head hard – and suddenly found myself outside the body. From somewhere above, I saw myself lying on the floor, and people who were fussing around me. Then a dark tunnel appeared in front of me. On it, I flew to the warm, blessed light that was visible ahead … And unexpectedly returned to my body.
Thirty-five-year-old Mikhail, an employee of a pharmaceutical company, for the first time in several years, talks about what he experienced in a state of clinical death.
“I tried to talk about it with the doctor, which brought me to my senses. She replied that these were delusional visions that arose due to the fact that my brain was experiencing oxygen starvation. But she did not explain why I saw from the side how she gives me artificial respiration! The doctor didn’t even want to listen, she just gave me a sedative.”
Mikhail decided not to talk about it anymore, and also to keep secret those “sudden exits from the body” that happened to him more than once later.
“At first I was scared,” he says. – I tried not to pay attention to it and went headlong into my studies. But these “attacks” were repeated about once a year, and I went to a psychiatrist.
I told him that at such moments I seem to move into something that is nearby, such as a tree, and I can feel what it feels. Probably in vain! The doctor asked if I did drugs. In the end, he prescribed tranquilizers for me and added that my symptoms manifested an unconscious dream of omnipotence and they could indicate the beginning of a split personality. I walked out of his office horrified, imagining myself in a mental hospital.”
A successful professional career has reassured Mikhail about his mental health, but he still fears that the “attacks” will return.
Everything incomprehensible scares
Such an experience is always perceived painfully, frightening, because the usual worldview tells a person: “This simply cannot be!” “Cognitive dissonance (“cognitive discord”) arises, a state when new information contradicts established ideas and previous experience,” says psychologist Alexander Demin. – What to believe – your own feelings or science, which claims that they are impossible?
The choice can be so difficult that a person can lose his life orientation. In order to relieve this tension, he begins to look for a rational explanation for what happened to him. And having not found arguments, he often “devalues” what he experienced, convinces himself and others that it was all a mistake, a coincidence.”
Paranormal experiences are more common than we think. But those who experienced it rarely talk about it, confident that only those who have experienced it themselves can understand them. “However, in order for this unusual experience to become a part of life, to be integrated into the structure of the psyche, a person needs to talk about it,” explains Alexander Demin. “And for this you need someone who is able to listen, to hear.”
But the more unusual the story, the less likely it is to find an understanding interlocutor.
“Disputes between those who believe in such phenomena and skeptics are fruitless,” says Stephan Allix, founder of the Institute for the Study of the Paranormal (INREES, France). – Some give their evidence, others refute them with the help of classical theories. Our goal is to unite the efforts of researchers, psychologists and physicians and provide those who have experienced such an experience with an environment where they will be listened to, remembering the main thing: humanity.”
Of course, such phenomena of perception can also be caused by very real mental disorders.
“Therefore, it is necessary first of all to listen to the person carefully and without prejudice,” explains psychotherapist Isabelle de Coshko, who studies cases of obsession and possession at the INREES Institute. “While “out-of-body” may seem like harbingers of a possible illness, then “communication” with the deceased can easily be confused with psychosis, and obsession can be mistaken for paranoia or multiple personality disorder.”
unbiased view
Only by carefully listening to a person and watching how he shares his experience, too hasty diagnoses can be avoided. Does the narrator show emotions that are natural in such experiences? Does he try at all costs to convince the listener that he is right? Is he balanced in everyday life? If we listen without judgment and openly, abandoning common prejudices, then the eyewitness of the paranormal phenomenon will be able to assess the measure of its adequacy.
“As a rule, this is a painful experience, not a disease, because it does not disrupt the personality structure,” says Raymond Moody, author of the worldwide bestseller Life After Life, in which he first collected and published the stories of those who survived near-death experiences.
“Those I have met,” he writes, “are not victims of psychosis. They are normal, stable people participating in society. They have a job and a position in society that excludes irresponsibility. They have relatives, friends, and they can clearly distinguish what happens to them in a dream and in reality. Meanwhile, all these people claim that what they experienced was not a dream, but really happened to them.
These words are confirmed by the story of 28-year-old Anastasia: “I have had visions since childhood. At first I was very scared and tried to tell my loved ones about it. But they turned away and turned the conversation to something else. I realized that this is not worth talking about at all. ”
Later, Anastasia discovered in herself the ability to perceive someone else’s physical pain at a distance. “But only now that I have graduated from medical school, I have confidence in myself and I begin to explore what may be the gift of healing,” she sums up. On this path, she is supported by meetings with people who have experienced the same thing as she, and with scientists who are looking for an explanation for this.
“I know my son is alive”
Andrey, 42 years old
Andrei’s son died in a car accident at the age of sixteen. After that, events began to occur for which the father could not find rational explanations. Not all relatives were able to understand him.
“Three days after Nikita’s death, I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night – something glowed over the bed. I always tried to think logically and was not at all inclined to think about God, about the other world, about meetings with the dead … My son died, I thought, period. That night, when I saw the light, I checked if the curtains were drawn, if the window was closed … I was too exhausted with grief to worry or think – and fell asleep again.
What happened three months later seriously shook my convictions. One evening, my wife and I were in Nikita’s room, and suddenly someone slapped me twice on the back of the head. “Someone hit me!” I looked back. “Maybe it’s Nikita,” Alena whispered. We didn’t talk about it anymore.
Alena is a believer, although she rarely goes to church. She then read a lot about the afterlife. I almost unconsciously began to accept this idea: it eased my grief, and most importantly, it explained something. The sudden slap on the back of the head was in complete harmony with Nikita’s direct manners.
Soon Alena offered to go to the clairvoyant. I agreed out of curiosity, thinking: what if this meeting will bring me relief? At the very beginning of the session, the clairvoyant’s head jerked forward, he said that someone had slapped him twice on the back of the head. In his opinion, Nikita thus wanted to announce that he died immediately. For us it was a great relief: we were not shown his body, and we imagined the worst.
The clairvoyant met with us for the first time, but, looking at the photograph of his son, he immediately described in detail his character, habits, and his relationship with us. “Maybe it’s just the talent of a physiognomist?” I thought. But then he accurately described our apartment and said that before his death, Nikita bought a gift for his girlfriend and now asked us to pass it on.
This surprised me and reassured me. Consoled? No. I think after the death of a child it is no longer possible to become the same as before. But my idea of death has changed a lot. Moreover, strange incidents continued: either the sound of steps was heard, then the door slammed, then things disappeared or appeared. At first glance, it’s a coincidence. But taken together, they took on a special meaning.
For example, I found incomprehensible SMS on my mobile. Where are they from? But even calls to the provider did not help – the number from which they came could not be traced. And I became convinced that it was my son who was sending me messages. It is a pity that the friends whom we then trusted limited ourselves to a condescending answer: “Well, if only it would make it easier for you.” When they found out that we were visiting a clairvoyant, they began to dissuade us: “You can be lured into a sect.”
Despite suffering, I did not lose my mind. I realized this when I talked with people who had experienced this. Now, four years later, I live as rationally as before. But my life has changed. Minor difficulties no longer irritate me, and I am not chasing praise and recognition. Now I have more tolerance and less selfishness. I did not become a believer, but in my own way I opened myself to the spiritual life. And I know that my son is alive because I felt it.”