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“I am strong, I am capable, I can achieve anything.” Often we repeat this to change our attitude. But can it affect self-esteem? Positive self-hypnosis helps those who initially think well of themselves. People with low self-esteem only get worse.
Why does positive self-hypnosis affect different people differently? This is due to the discrepancy between expectations and reality, which creates psychological stress and discomfort. Conflicting thoughts and ideas arise – what is called cognitive dissonance. Therefore, simply positive statements are often not enough to increase self-esteem.
Self-esteem often depends on comparing yourself to others. If others seem to be better than themselves, it declines. It turns out that self-esteem depends on who you compare yourself to. In addition, there are many other factors that contribute to its instability.
Is there a more effective method than positive self-hypnosis? In 2003, psychologist Kristin Neff proposed the psychological concept of “self-compassion.” Self-compassion is not quite the same as high self-esteem.
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There are three main components to self-compassion:
- Self-kindness is kindness and understanding towards oneself, which is manifested despite difficulties and failures.
- The feeling of being a part of a human community – in other words, the experience that a person goes through is felt by him not just as part of his personal life, but as a shared experience with others.
- Mindfulness – in this case, it means the ability not to take life’s difficulties too close to the heart.
A person who has developed compassion for himself appreciates such qualities as kindness, the ability to compassion and empathy. He feels himself a part of the human community, instead of seeing others as only competitors. This makes it easier for him to accept his failures and life’s hardships, no matter how successful other people are.
Read more:
- Low self-esteem? Be more attentive to yourself
Let’s take a real-life example to illustrate the relationship between self-compassion and failure response. Take students who fail an exam. Those who do not develop self-compassion usually start blaming, judging, and criticizing themselves, brooding over their own shortcomings. They are overwhelmed by thoughts like “Why am I so dumb?!” or “I’m a loser!”
And what will students who have developed self-compassion do in their place? They will try to calm themselves down by thinking, “It’s okay that I failed this time. Failure is always an opportunity to improve. So what lessons can I learn for myself?”
Those who develop self-compassion understand that failure is a normal and inevitable part of human existence. They are in tune with their emotions and beliefs. They practice self-improvement not because they feel “weak” to themselves, but because they truly care about themselves and sincerely want to learn new things.
So, instead of scolding yourself or, conversely, engaging in self-hypnosis with positive statements, just try to be kinder to yourself. You deserve it!
For details see Miss Psychobabble psychologist Anna Agoncillo.