Emotions have no place at work. More than one generation has grown up with this attitude, and at first glance it seems to be quite reasonable. But what can constant suppression of feelings lead to and how to find a golden mean in self-expression?
Often we think that emotions get in the way of making informed decisions, and the violent expression of feelings in the work team is considered inappropriate or even indecent.
The ideal employee is friendly, positive, efficient and… looks like a robot, because a living person experiences different emotions and cannot turn them off like an unnecessary program on weekdays from 9 to 18.
What’s left to do? Suppress your feelings or show them at the risk of ruining relationships with colleagues and management?
Suppress, can’t show
Suppressing emotions is harmful not only for the psychological state, but also for health in general. The fact that we keep a face and do not show what passions are raging inside does not help to cope with feelings or get rid of them. We simply drive inside what should be manifested outside, and then it destroys us.
Each emotion gives a certain amount of energy that needs to be spent on an action. In anger, we are full of strength to defend violated personal boundaries, fear mobilizes the resources of the body to run away from danger or fight the enemy, sadness, on the contrary, slows it down, gives time to rethink our life, accept the loss or understand what needs to be changed, joy energizes, allows you to see new opportunities and move forward.
When we cannot show these emotions and are forced to suppress them, we do not expend the energy that they carry with them. The body at the level of biochemistry is ready to act, and the brain orders to sit and smile. It’s like starting a car and holding down the gas and brake pedals at the same time.
As a result, the clutch will burn out, and, when necessary, the car will not go.
It’s the same with a person – both at the level of emotions (chronic stress, burnout) and at the level of physical condition (cardiovascular disease).
Suppressing emotions is also bad for working relationships. For example, an employee is preparing for an important presentation in front of management, is very excited, but does not show it to colleagues in order not to look unprofessional.
Only specially trained scouts can completely hide emotions, so one way or another, excitement will manifest itself – in a rude answer, inappropriate reaction to the words or actions of others. Since others do not understand what this is connected with, they will consider the colleague rude, and the attitude of the team will become worse.
Another example: a manager calls an employee and informs them that they will have to work over the weekend in order to have time to prepare a new project on time. No extra pay or weekends included. The employee does not show dissatisfaction, as he is afraid of losing his job, but inside he feels anger that will have to be suppressed.
Even the fear of being unemployed will not help you complete tasks with full involvement. Internal discontent will grow until it spills out in an unacceptable form. Or repressed anger, along with fatigue, will lead to burnout and depression, and the employee may have to quit.
Can’t be suppressed
If the gas pedal is already pressed, the car should move. Continuing the analogy, if an emotional reaction has arisen, we must spend the energy it gives on action. Therefore, it is necessary to show emotions.
They are the guarantee of reliable connections, which we value in working contacts as well as in any relationship. They give support and trust – that comfortable atmosphere in which it is easiest to reveal your talents to the fullest, take initiative and be flexible.
If at work you always have to play a role and wear a mask, it takes a huge amount of strength to suppress the true and imitate the “necessary” emotions. The lack of sincere relationships at work, where we spend the lion’s share of the time, will eventually lead to the fact that we will go there like hard labor.
The question is not how to learn to suppress emotions, but how to express them in an environmentally friendly way, without going beyond what is acceptable in society.
Learning to Express Emotions Safely
Answer a few questions:
- What do I feel now and why? What caused such a reaction?
- What does this emotion say?
- What steps do you need to take to cope with your condition?
For example: “I feel excited about the upcoming presentation. This emotion says that I do not feel confident in myself. It will help me if I speak out to my colleagues and they will cheer me up. Or: “I feel angry about working on the weekend. This emotion says that my boundaries have been violated, they are trying to force me to accept conditions that are unacceptable to me. It will help me if I defend the borders and calmly announce to the manager on what conditions I am ready (a) to work overtime.
If the emotion is too strong and you feel that you are not in control and ready to break loose, take a break: take a few deep breaths in and out to restore a calm heartbeat, go to another room or outside for 10-15 minutes, where you can recover, wash with cold water. Then think about the reasons for your condition and the steps you can take in this situation. And be sure to do what you decide to do. In this case, emotions will work for you.
About the Author:
Evelina Levy – Emotional Intelligence Coach. Her .