Emotional traffic light

What happened to us: a trifle or not? Just «bad luck» or «terrible»? The magnitude of what has happened, the magnitude of the loss, is always determined by comparison with something else. A wise person, unlike a human child, is familiar with real losses, and with them, as a standard, he is able to determine the true magnitude of what happened.

In order to be less touched by annoying little things, in order to distinguish: “This is a trifle, not something serious”, it is useful to master the exercise (technique) “Emotional traffic light”.

Get a notebook in which draw four columns: the column «Bullshit» and three columns named «green», «yellow» and «red» after the colors of the traffic light. In these different columns, you are encouraged to record emotionally significant events in your life. What, where, why?

• Green column — minor troubles. If there’s a green-light intersection ahead, drivers usually slow down anyway, just in case, but the car doesn’t stop. In the metaphor of life, these are troubles that you go through easily. These are various little things in life: I tore jeans, a skirt, tights. Broke/lost watch/mobile phone. Lost/stolen some money. Yes, a bungler, but life doesn’t end there.
• Yellow column — medium troubles. On yellow, the driver slows down and decides whether to pass or stop. In life, these are troubles that get in the way of your life, begin to interfere with you, but you can overcome them.
• Red column — big trouble. The driver stops at a red traffic light. In life, this is a force majeure, from which, even for a while, but your life stops. Your end of the world.

What gives a record of these situations? Curiously, the very question of the magnitude of the event/experience reduces its status. Thoughtful, real experiences are already different, more, if not easy, then reasonable, than before the compilation of this document. It looks like mysticism, but it’s a fact. Further — gradually, in connection with the recording and viewing of these events in the «Traffic Light», your view of what used to be «troubles» for you is changing. Minor troubles gradually disappear, go into the category of «garbage». Well, the sun is down. It’s better with the sun, but people don’t usually call it a nuisance. Or — a drop of rain fell on you. In general, this can be unpleasant, especially if it is unexpectedly on the nose or by the collar, but usually people do not attribute this to trouble either. Over time, as the traffic light sheet is filled out, medium troubles gradually begin to be seen as small ones. The loss of a wallet used to be an event, now I quickly draw conclusions and live on. Trouble, but not an event. And even further — events from red begin to turn into yellow … The result: frustration, fears and anxiety change to caution.

For many people, it is very useful to evaluate the value of each trouble in terms of money (an option is in the time required to eliminate the trouble, which also translates into money). “I forgot my cell phone at home! How scary is that for you? More precisely, how many hours or minutes do you need to return for it? How much is an hour of your work? In total, the price of this «problem» is … twenty dollars!

From correspondence with readers