In our culture, it is common to treat emotions as something spontaneous, little controllable. In fact, the ability to express feelings is an important skill that can and should be developed.
Twenty years ago, psychologist Daniel Goleman called this ability emotional intelligence. Today, his books and the works of his followers are becoming bestsellers in Russia*. What is the phenomenon of emotional intelligence and what does its development give us – says coach Elena Sidorenko.
Psychologies: In Russia, the topic of emotional intelligence is very popular. What is the reason for this interest?
Elena Sidorenko: First of all, it is the desire to improve one’s skills and performance at the expense of some new internal resources. It is often said that rational intelligence (IQ) determines only 20% of success, while emotional intelligence (EQ) accounts for 80%. And if so, then it should be used.
The second reason is no longer related to efficiency, but to pleasure. We are tired of being just efficient. We want to be happy. Maybe emotional intelligence will help us achieve inner harmony?
Finally, curiosity. Usually emotions interfere with a sober rational mind. Here we have a contradictory combination: for some reason, emotions and intellect go together. We want to understand, understand how this is possible and what it will give us.
How is emotional intelligence different from rational intelligence? What is its specificity?
Emotional intelligence differs from rational intelligence in that it is not only about the perception and analysis of feelings, but about working with them. There are several layers of emotional intelligence. The base layer is responsible for the release of adrenaline, rage, fear. These reactions are necessary for the survival of the organism. Baby crying, screaming are all manifestations of basic emotional intelligence. Gradually, as we grow older, the next layer is formed: we begin to consciously relate to emotions. We understand that this is an important resource.
The highest level is the ability to both understand emotions and manage them. Our instinctive reactions answer the question “why”: “Why am I hurt, scared, fun?” The highest level implies the appearance of a goal: I will not always be impulsive, abrupt, when my soul so desires. I will stop and think: should I show anger in order to achieve my goal, or will this lead to retaliatory aggression and I will not achieve the result? Where emotions cannot be controlled, one can at least use their energy in a more efficient way.
For what areas, professions is it important to have a developed emotional intelligence?
Strictly speaking, everyone needs this skill. But, let’s say, it is more comfortable for some to work alone, with machines, information, and for others – with people. For the first, it is important to understand their own emotions, and then they need to delve into themselves. For the second – understanding the emotions of others, and then they, on the contrary, need to rise above their own experiences and selfish interests. Depending on this, intrapersonal and interpersonal emotional intelligence can be distinguished.
Even if you are on a desert island, you need to understand yourself, manage yourself. It is not only about not getting irritated, not getting angry, not giving in to aimless impulses. If you woke up in apathy, and you have to work, you need to understand why this happened. Analyze the cause, not the symptoms. In communicating with others, it is important to understand their condition, to work with their emotions.
Is the ability to manage other people’s emotions the same as the ability to manipulate them?
When we say “manipulation” we usually mean only part of a larger phenomenon. Manipulation is constantly present in our daily communication to one degree or another. When we use emotional intelligence, we act on the emotions of others. This effect may also be hidden. The rules of courtesy are also manipulation. But the fact is that people themselves want emotional impacts. They want excitement, they want to feel a sense of pride, a sense of their own importance.
As long as we achieve a common result, we are talking about manipulation by agreement. “We are very glad to see you”, “thanks for the question” – we tacitly agreed that we would not say anything unpleasant. Malicious manipulation is a special case. A malicious manipulator seeks a one-sided win. Of course, the line between acceptable and malicious manipulation is blurred. It is up to you to decide whether your manipulation is justified, or it is malicious and you are only seeking profit.
* For example: S. Shabanov, O. Aleshina “Emotional intelligence. Russian practice” (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2014).
About the expert: Elena Sidorenko, social psychologist, coach, guest lecturer at the Stockholm School of Economics in Russia.