Emotional exhaustion: 8 questions for diagnosis and 4 tips for healing

Stress happens to everyone. For some, it manifests itself to a greater extent, for someone to a lesser extent. But sometimes the emotional overstrain becomes so strong that we lose control of the situation. In response, the body turns on internal defense mechanisms, increases the production of adrenaline. As a result, we have to deal not only with stress, but also with the side effects of this hormone.

The mind and body are on alert, waiting for the next crisis to strike. At the same time, serotonin, a natural mood stabilizer, is depleted and depleted. And when an unforeseen crisis situation arises in life, the body has nowhere to take the energy and emotional forces that are needed to fight.

If you can’t find your mental balance and feel like you don’t have the time or energy to heal naturally, it could be because you’re emotionally exhausted. To assess your current stress level, check how true the following statements are for you:

1. I smile less often than usual, even in situations that I used to find funny.
2. My senses are dulled, the food seems tasteless, the music does not touch, and my hand is increasingly reaching for black and gray things.
3. I have problems with sleep: either I can’t fall asleep for a long time, or the only thing I want is to sleep.
4. Now communication is difficult for me. When I am with friends or family, I feel disconnected from the world and can hardly concentrate on what they are saying.
5. Loud voices, extraneous sounds and movements scare me. I feel constant tension.
6. I have become more irritable, I react especially sharply to what is happening while driving or in public transport, during telephone conversations and while communicating on the Internet.
7. My anxiety level is higher than usual. Being in a crowd makes me feel claustrophobic.
8. I cry for any reason: while watching movies, because of sad news and sentimental stories, even TV shows with happy endings bring tears.

If any of these statements resonate with you, you are probably emotionally drained. Four emotional healing strategies can help you regain control of your situation. To master them, you have to practice regularly.

1. Don’t be afraid to disappoint yourself.

Many are so busy taking care of everyone and everything that they have absolutely no free time. This deficit is growing, because thanks to modern means of communication, you are available 24 hours a day for emergency assistance, advice and additional assignments. The rest of the time that could save you is eaten up by correspondence in instant messengers.

Add to this the consequences of unexpected stressful situations, for example, the illness of a loved one, financial difficulties, and you will not have a minute left for yourself. No wonder you feel tired.

So why not start saying «no» more often? Instead, most try to carve out extra time to spend on themselves. But the only clock that can be found is after midnight. As a result, you deprive yourself of sleep and pump even more adrenaline into your bloodstream to get through the day.

If you are facing serious stressful situations, this is the best reason to learn how to say “no”. When you’re overwhelmed, you need to find a way to catch your breath and regain a sense of control.

Practice to learn how to say «no»:

• not feeling guilty or defensive;
• polite but confident;
• explaining why, but not making excuses.

Remember that you cannot help absolutely everyone and in everything — this is impossible. To make such demands on yourself is even cruel. Put yourself on the list of dear people and try to look after yourself like a beloved sister or best friend.

2. Take a time out

It might seem like taking a break during emotional exhaustion is the obvious solution. But if that were the case, you would have taken a break a long time ago. Instead, most try to catch up and do their best before allowing themselves to take a break. This behavior only adds more stress and reduces the feeling of control.

Good news: Herbert Benson, MD of Harvard University, found that even 20 minutes of inactivity a day can prevent or eliminate symptoms of emotional exhaustion by almost 50%. At the same time, 20 minutes can be stretched out for the whole day: read a magazine for 5 minutes in the morning, chat with friends in the afternoon for 10 minutes, sit with a cup of tea for 5 minutes, turning off the phone before leaving work.

It’s only 20 minutes! You can use them differently: close your eyes for 10 minutes and try to relax as much as possible before getting out of bed, and in the evening meditate for 10 minutes before going to bed. Take a warm shower break, dance in the kitchen, do some yoga, take a walk in the park, go for a run, ride a bike, read a book, listen to a book, write a book—it all works.

This helps burn the adrenaline and prevents it from being released again. The trick is to find the time. An added benefit of these breaks is that they help you focus on the present, forget past problems, and stop anxiously anticipating future challenges.

This is often called mindfulness. And if you think that right now you have no time to take a break, consider that by giving up voluntary inactivity, you will be forced to be inactive for much longer when the symptoms of emotional exhaustion worsen.

3. Use the mind-body connection

Did you know that emotions can be the result of our thoughts and behavior, and not just the cause? It’s true. You can fight emotional exhaustion by choosing your thoughts and behavior carefully. Start with thoughts. Create a mantra for yourself, such as «step by step» or a positive affirmation — «I’ll be fine.»

Both mantras and affirmations work because the brain stops calling to action when you talk to yourself like you have everything under control. The brain may not listen to other people’s reassurances, but it listens to your own. This simple technique reduces the level of stress hormones and allows the brain to relax.

Similarly, you can choose a behavior that will disable the body’s «emergency system». Act as if everything is going well, as if you have energy, you want to go to work, and you really can do it. Instead of stress hormones that keep you hyper-vigilant and cause insomnia, feel-good hormones will be stimulated and your body will be able to rest.

Pay attention to laughter and games — natural energies. Try cinema therapy, mood shopping, spend a few evenings playing board games with friends. Consciously bring pleasure back into your life. When we are faced with some serious problems, entertainment becomes not just a pleasant pastime, but also an antidote to emotional exhaustion.

4. Take a look at yourself

Remind yourself that life is a complex agreement. Difficult problems are one of the conditions of life, not a personal punishment. If you blame yourself and focus on what you should have done or could have done differently, you begin to view the problem as a personal failure, rather than a temporary embarrassment. Self-flagellation only increases emotional exhaustion. Even if something happened through your fault, forgive yourself, and do not aggravate the situation.

Seek support and allow yourself to receive it. A simple conversation will give you the opportunity to hear yourself, change thoughts and feelings, better understand them. In addition, most problems become less ominous when we tell our friends about them in daylight than when we silently wind ourselves up in the middle of the night. Remind yourself that healing takes time.

Practice all four strategies for a few weeks and then reassess with the eight affirmations. Even if you have experienced traumatic events, your psychological and physical symptoms should begin to improve. If this does not happen and you find that self-help is not enough, please contact a psychologist, psychiatrist or group counselor. Specialists will help you restore emotional energy.

About the author: Georgia Witkin is a psychologist, psychiatrist, and author of Women and Stress and Man and Stress.