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Our heroes, who once chose emigration, are surprisingly unanimous in their answers: “make up your mind”, “do not be afraid”, “do not waste time” … All their stories are about doubts, fears and willingness to take risks. And in the end – about relationships with yourself.
The topic of emigration in Russia today is extremely relevant. Emigration is a situation of existential dilemma: to choose an unchanging past or an unknown future. And in fact, this is a way to know the real you. Therefore, it is so difficult to give a new life to those who have left. Being alone with yourself is not a test for the weak. The stories of our heroes are about how to make this difficult choice and find yourself again.
“To leave forever, you have to come back”
Elena, 39, lives in Prague
That’s exactly what I would say to myself. Although I had an easy departure: 23 years old, no special claims and curiosity – how is it to live in another country? My husband and I did not call our departure emigration, we wanted to try, get a new experience. And yet I missed my family, the city, my friends. I was in dire need of communication. And then we returned. And that’s when I was cured of all my experiences. It turned out that there was nothing to miss. After a long absence, you realize that Moscow is pushing you out, it doesn’t need you. Yes, and no live communication turned out – everyone has a job, children, everyone lives in different areas … Only by phone, plus rare meetings. I suddenly realized that all the people dear to me live their own lives and events happen – for them without me, and for me without them. It was a very powerful experience. But a year later I left with a light heart. And then, over time, it turned out that everyone who is dear to me is still with me, despite the distances.
“Emigration is a situation of an existential dilemma: to choose an unchanged past or an unknown future,” comments psychologist Dmitry Leontiev. – The stories of our heroes are about how this choice looks “up close”. Those who choose uncertainty always take a step towards personal development, begin to live a more meaningful, active life.
“You won’t regret anything”
Maria, 43, doctor from Boston
One day my old friend asked: “If you knew in advance everything that lies ahead for you, would you leave?” I thought about it and answered: “Yes!” In Russia, I successfully studied at the best medical institute, I had good professional prospects, and many friends. I left all this not for the sake of America, but for the sake of a loved one. Of course, I was afraid that it would be difficult to get used to an unfamiliar life, to break through again, to prove my professional viability. In general, all fears came true: it was very difficult. A few years later, my husband died suddenly, and I was left alone with a small child. But I still got an education, became a doctor. America is an amazing country. Yes, on the one hand, no one here cares about you. You are free from the close attention of the state and other people. But in the same way, you are free to create your own destiny and can achieve whatever you want. Here you are much more appreciated for who you are. It does not matter how you are dressed, what kind of house you have, what school your children go to – external, status attributes almost do not play a role, including when applying for a job. I don’t have to build anyone out of myself in order to be appreciated and loved, I can be myself. It is very important for me. It was not easy to get used to the fact that here there are no such close relations with friends as in Russia. But much more respect for the personal space of another person. Over the years, I have greatly appreciated it. And I found friends. In general, I can say: I am very glad that I am here.
“Act!”, “Do not be afraid!” – Behind these words, as I understand them, is a call to listen to yourself, find support in your values and not allow yourself to be manipulated. It is impossible to assess how good the choice was,” says psychologist Marina Khazanova.
“Decide faster”
Eugene, 56 years old, lives in Toronto (Canada)
That’s what I would say to myself. Otherwise, while you hesitate, you do not live either there or here. My family and I have been preparing to leave for five or six years. I worked at the institute, taught, had my own small company. And I left at 41, not from poverty and not from the regime. I left to check myself: such is the existential emigration. I have always been adventurous. You know, one of my friends, an official, once said that he would have left, only knowing for sure that he would be taken at least “as a sector manager at the Toronto City Hall.” I think it’s ridiculous to try to count on it. In Canada, I delivered pizza for three years, painted walls. But it was also an enriching experience. I realized, for example, that I was a good family man and that one could rely only on a family in exile. And now I’m teaching again, I have my own company again, a house, across the lawn – a park with foxes, deer, hares. But often I think: maybe I should change everything again and go somewhere else?
According to psychologist Marina Khazanova, emigration has become a way for our heroes to clarify their deepest aspirations, to find themselves through overcoming. Catherine realized that she was not ready to sacrifice herself, and Timur realized that she could trust herself and was ready to seriously improve her profession. Choosing an uncertain future, everyone inevitably loses something. And that is precisely why he involuntarily delays the final decision, turns out to be neither here nor there, as if he does not live. Eugene regrets this “missed” time, and Elena, in order to finally leave, had to return first …
“See if it’s your wish”
Ekaterina, 36, lives in Hamburg
And I would also say to myself: “Think not only about your husband and children, think about yourself too.” This is probably the advice I would give myself. I left with my husband, he is a scientist, speaks six languages, and he absolutely does not care where to do his physics. And for me… It was very hard for me. Yes, Germany is indeed a very livable country, but it never became mine. Whenever possible, I tried to go home, to Russia, at least for a short time. And I really wanted to work, because I graduated from the Faculty of Journalism of Moscow State University … But now I have found a compromise. More precisely, she returned to herself. Because my heart and all my interests belong to Russia. I come here every one and a half to two months, write essays and take pictures of provincial Russian cities, villages, and their people. This is a good, clean world with customs, dialect, amazing stories still preserved, for example in the North. And I really want to talk about this world. Basically, I do what I want to do. And I could advise myself then only one thing: to think more about yourself. If I had taken more care of my interests from the very beginning, then perhaps my first years in Germany would not have been so difficult.
“There is no objectively correct decision,” comments psychologist Dmitry Leontiev, “with any option, you can make a mistake. But everything works out if you take responsibility for yourself, recognize this decision as your own and implement it. Those who choose to emigrate take their fate into their own hands. And this attitude itself is more important than a change of residence. Sometimes the thought even comes to mind: why not try to act in the same way, but on this side of the border?
“Invest in your studies, read more”
Timur, 35, lives in Rotterdam
Engage in self-education … If I had known in advance how life would turn out, I would have told myself exactly that. I am an architect and moved to Rotterdam six years ago to complete a two-year postgraduate course at the Berlage Institute. Although studying was just an excuse to leave … But in the end, I don’t regret at all that I spent two years on education: I was able to look around, look for new ideas, opportunities. Yet today I know for a fact that I could have put my study time to better use. Moreover, I need to be more educated not at all in order to get a job, I already got it right after the end of the course. I want to be professionally wealthier, better oriented in architecture, for myself, to try to do something new, to develop my own unique approach. Just not to stand still.