Elizaveta Listova: “I always go my own way”

“I am the person with whom I never get bored. It’s not about narcissism – about a split personality. There are two of us here, leading a constant internal dialogue, the most daring of all that I allow myself. Everything is possible within oneself – any arguments are good. And life rushes by. Freedom extends to the closest and friends, who are few. How much they suffer from me… Communication with the outside, outside world is associated with many important conventions for me: not to be intrusive and not to neglect attention, not to offend, not to humiliate, not to humiliate myself… character. In a conflict, I cannot unequivocally accept the position of one side, because I understand the logic of the other. The choice is the most unpleasant thing I have to do in my life. I always go my own way. Even if together with everyone, then for some reason. I always know what I want, but I really don’t like to formulate it – so that it doesn’t become unambiguous and boring. “I love my dreams” “This is where freedom is, this is where for me a spare and safe way out of the iron curtain of everyday life! If a machine for recording and replaying dreams were invented, I would use it. How not to record a magnificent parade of grand pianos that drive kilometers down the Tverskaya to Red Square and smile across the entire width of their snow-white keyboards! One, red, I remember, was under a white sail … Perhaps I wait too long for my dreams and spoil them so that they lose all conscience. And they turn into deep and detailed nightmares with a long daytime aftertaste. Dreams are the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. But if dreams could be abolished – with some pill or injection – I would never trade my illusory nocturnal freedom for an illusory nocturnal peace.