Elizabeth Gilbert: “How I React to Criticism”

I was recently asked at a reader meeting how I react when people criticize me or my books, especially on the Internet. This question is often asked, so I decided to answer it in detail, in the hope that my words will help someone – no matter who you are and what you do with your life.

My simplest and shortest answer when they ask me how I react to criticism is “no way”. I do not read articles and comments that criticize me, and I do not specifically look for them on the Internet.

I avoid criticism of myself not because I don’t care what people say about me. On the contrary – because I take other people’s opinions too close to my heart. I am very sensitive and can be easily hurt by an evil word. I know that criticism can hurt me a lot, and I have no intention of hurting myself.

There are many long, detailed reviews written about my work in serious newspapers – but I have never read them. For example, I know that the legendary critic Janet Maslin wrote a scathing review of my book Legal Marriage in The New York Times years ago, but I have no idea what she said about me, and I’m not going to find out. If you’re curious to read, Google is here to help, but I definitely don’t want to.

Friends told me that the review was negative: good friends just warned me, not so kind friends sent a link – thanks guys. In any case, I replied, “Thanks for the information,” and immediately turned away, the way I turn away when I drive past a traffic accident or when a blood-curdling murder scene is shown on TV.

I will not let these words into my head. I can’t keep these pictures in my head. To do so would be to commit violence against myself, and I no longer want to force myself.

I think John Updike said that reading reviews of your books is like eating a sandwich that might contain broken glass. Sandwich with broken glass. What good is it to me if I eat something that will bleed inside me?

On the contrary, if the review is kind and has been seen by a loving member of my family beforehand, I will read it. Because guess what? It’s really nice to hear people praise your work! And this is rare! Therefore, when this happens, rejoice to your heart’s content, enjoy a good review.

When the same Janet Maslin reviewed my book The Origin of All Things in The New York Times and liked it, I enjoyed her article because there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to a delicious sandwich that doesn’t contain broken glass. Because we all need to “feed ourselves” sometimes.

Someone will say: “But how can you consider yourself an honest artist if you are ready to hear only good words and do not pay attention to criticism?” I will answer: “It is my job to see to it that I remain an honest artist, and not the concern of a critic.”

The critic doesn’t work for me, he works for the newspaper. The critic has his own responsibility – he must remain honest, but he is not obliged to get me out of trouble or take my interests to heart. The nature of our relationship is different. I don’t hate critics, they are a natural part of the creative landscape. But I do not listen to criticism from people who do not take my interests to heart – such criticism does not help me in any way in my work and does not make me better.

Nevertheless, I accept negative feedback about my work – but only from certain people and at certain times.

The people I listen to have earned the right to criticize me. They are few and precious. These are a few of my closest friends that I trust, my family members and colleagues. Here is a test that helps me determine if a particular person has the right to criticize me.

• Do I trust your opinion and your taste?
• Do I trust that you will understand what I am trying to create and therefore be able to help me improve my work?
• Am I sure that you take my interests to heart – that there is no dark ulterior motive, an ulterior motive in your criticism?
• Am I sure that you offer your criticism with all possible gentleness – so as not to hurt me with it?

Kindness is a very important condition. You, like me, probably have a girlfriend, a lover of cutting the truth in the face. Take my advice: never show her your work. Never ask her opinion, never expose your vulnerability to her. When someone tells you that they are “tough but honest,” what they really want to say is, “I’m tough. I like to inflict pain. You can be sure that I’m just waiting for the opportunity to mock you. Please give me the opportunity to hurt you.”

I didn’t give anyone permission to bully me. I don’t hate myself to that extent. Brutal honesty is not a virtue. Honesty without kindness is not worth the price you pay for it. I can listen to a sincere opinion, but only when it comes from a kind heart that does not thirst for blood.

Now about when I listen to criticism. Only if there is still a chance to correct or change something in the work. After the book has gone to press, it’s not in my power to change anything, because what’s the point of digging into critical reviews when it’s too late?

In the age of the Internet, it is very difficult to avoid negativity about yourself – it is so easy to find and read the most terrible things about yourself. Everything that we post online can become the subject of ridicule and insults. But that doesn’t make the internet a place of evil. The Internet is also a wonderful playground where you express yourself in the most incredible ways that humanity has never known before. So enjoy this game and send your creations to the world. But don’t read the comments. Just don’t read.

And don’t google your name unless you want to hurt yourself more. While we’re talking about how to stop hurting yourself, let me just say this: don’t google your ex’s name. Move away from the burning car.

Of course, it is impossible to avoid unpleasant comments. Suddenly, something malicious, rude pops up on Twitter or Facebook. Block, ignore, don’t dwell on it. Do not feed the trolls. Don’t let yourself be drawn in. And never let trolls steal your right to use the miracle of the Internet.

You have the right to speak and the right to publish your work, the right to find your audience. Just keep expressing yourself – and do not pay attention to criticism, turn your head away in time.

Don’t sit around wide-eyed at XNUMXam – usually with a huge ice cream in hand – after you’ve posted something important to yourself, and scroll through pages of good reviews until you finally stumble upon one incredibly violent comment. which proves what you have always suspected in the darkest, nightmarish corner of your mind – that yes, you are a liar, you have no talent, you are fat, ugly and a complete nonentity.

Don’t start digging this hole, because if you dig long enough, you will find the pain you were looking for.

Reading comments about yourself online is like flipping through your roommate’s diary. It makes you want to read it, because here it is, lying in front of you. But if you read for a long time, you will eventually stumble upon words that will break your heart. Don’t read. Put it in place. Don’t be tempted. Show willpower, it is necessary to take care of yourself. Walk away.

I’ve watched my creative friends hurt themselves and their work so many times, digging through the comments looking for negativity, until they eventually found a glass shard in a sandwich, and then they took that shard and cut themselves deep with it. . Sometimes these wounds remain forever. And then friends wonder where their inspiration has gone and why it is so difficult for them to create.

Meanwhile, the asshole who wrote the nasty comment about you hits submit under his nasty message and turns his attention back to beer and porn. He will sit scratching his ass and forget about you. Meanwhile, you will forever imprint his words in your mind. And when you sit down to create next time, these words will echo in your head (“You are mediocre. You are worthless, garbage”).

I refuse to go down this path. I refuse to hate myself to that extent. Enough of the fact that creative work is one of the hardest in the world. I refuse to fill my creative space, my brain with cruel, poisonous words that only make matters worse.

By refusing to read vile things about myself, I am not denying reality, I am asserting myself in it. This is how I sustain my life and my creative energy. This is my way of protection, a way to keep my mind clean, clear and ready for creative play.

I want all of us to freely express ourselves in the world – especially women! We need your voices, we need your creativity, we need your courage, your works and your work. But remember: if you send something out into the world, everyone has the right to respond to your message in any way they want – these are the terms of the contract. You may be attacked, you may be insulted, you may be humiliated. But you don’t have to listen to anyone.

Turn away from cruelty. Find people you can trust and only listen to them. Once you’ve sent your work out into the world, your work is done. Let her go and go on your way. Keep doing your job, open up to the world and turn away from the darkness.

Take care of yourself. Create freely. Share bravely. But never start digging a hole to find broken glass.