Contents
Household manipulations are rather transparent influences that both parties, as a rule, see and which, as a rule, consciously or unconsciously play. In overwhelming influence in such situations, we allow ourselves to be manipulated — sometimes for reasons of some kind of benefit, sometimes for reasons of convenience.
Basic tricks:
I’m not guilty!
Method: not my fault!
Weapon: Guilt
Vulnerabilities: the need for love (the desire to «be good»), low self-esteem
Manipulation through guilt is one of the most effective methods of influence. He is most popular in interpersonal relationships. A typical example: a girl pouts and takes offense at a man, and he, eaten by guilt, fulfills all her wishes. A particularly tense atmosphere arises if, offended, the girl pretends that she is trying her best to restrain her emotions. In such a situation, any request, especially if it is uttered in a weak sad voice, will be taken up with the enthusiasm of a beggar who has found a wad of money. But it is worth remembering that a relationship built solely on guilt is not viable and eventually inevitably collapses.
You are a genius!
Method: you are a genius!
Weapon: flattery
Vulnerabilities: the need for recognition
Flattery is an equally effective way of manipulation. In this case, the main target is the person’s need for recognition: we automatically begin to feel sympathy for the one who praises us. This method can be strengthened by playing on the expectations of the “victim”. For example, if you know that your boss really wants to look competent and important in the eyes of employees (this is especially true for young bosses), play along with him in order to achieve your goals (for example, a salary increase). Just remember that flattery is the seasoning that requires moderation, otherwise you will just fawn, and this is disgusting. It is necessary to celebrate only real achievements (albeit microscopic ones) and in passing. It’s safe to praise what he is very proud of at heart: children, a new soft pink shade, a prize received at the competition “Who will drink two liters of beer in a minute”.
I do not understand anything!
Method: ah, I don’t understand anything about it!
Weapon: helplessness
Vulnerabilities: need for recognition, vanity
Wide-open helpless eyes are the most powerful weapon for manipulation. Asking for help seems like such a small thing. But, turning to another for help, we thereby recognize his authority and trust his experience, which we cannot help but like. The resulting euphoria binds the “victim” to the manipulator: she wants to experience this feeling again and again.
“I’m such a fool at this” or “I can’t do anything at all, I’m mediocrity! ”- the girl confidently declares and is guaranteed to receive part of the work done for her. This is all the result of one’s own vanity — it is on it that the manipulator plays in this case.
Substitution
Method: programming the desired result
Weapons: substitution of the real purpose of the appeal
Vulnerabilities: the need for recognition and self-realization
This type of manipulation is carried out as follows: what you want to get from another is presented as a fait accompli. “I have no doubts about your competence and responsibility, for sure you will do it on time!” — says the boss to his employee, loading him with additional work and leaving no chance to refuse.
“You are so kind and always ready to help! So I thought: maybe you can help me out? You are my only hope!» — the girl says to her friend in the hope that she will do part of the coursework for her.
“Of course, you, as a smart person, cannot disagree with this!” — the manager confidentially addresses the client, after which it will be somewhat more difficult to disagree, that is, to admit that he is stupid.
Well, the most famous: “Darling, will you take out the trash before dinner or after?” — the wife is interested, implying that the very fact of taking out the garbage is already not subject to discussion.
Nadezhda
Method: hope is our earthly compass
Weapon: promises
Vulnerabilities: the need for security
In this case, manipulation occurs with the help of another human weakness — the desire to live in hope. Until the last moment, we are inclined to believe in promises and, even when completely disappointed, deep down we continue to hope. An extremely fertile ground for manipulation. “Sunny, we will definitely get married, only a little later — when I earn money for the wedding, okay? For now, let’s just live together.» Even if these words are repeated with enviable constancy and nothing changes, the girl continues to hope that this time everything will definitely happen.
A similar technique is used by sales agents seeking to sell any product. The main thing is to try to believe in your own promises, and then success is guaranteed: a delay in the exam, a change in the deadline for submitting a report, etc. Receiving a promise, a person gains confidence that everything goes as he expects. Well, the absence of any guarantee that someday it will come to the implementation of the plan is no longer taken into account.
But you promised!
Method: well, you promised!
Weapon: indirect charge
Vulnerabilities: need for belonging, conformity
Unobtrusively accuse a person that he says one thing and does another, and he will begin to actively prove that this is not so. This technique turns out to be especially effective in combination with an appeal to such false beliefs as “this is inconvenient”, “this is indecent”, “what people think”, firmly sewn into our subcortex. Often, having tried on a lot of things in the store, we feel obligated to buy something, because we are uncomfortable with the trouble delivered. The belief is absurd, but it works, which is often used by cunning sellers. The following statement, combined with an accusatory tone, can be an excellent tool for manipulation: “If you do this, then it suits you!”
How interesting!
Method: oh, how interesting!
Weapon: Heightened Interest
Vulnerabilities: need for recognition, vanity
The strongest method is manipulation with the help of an imaginary interest in another. A very effective way to establish and maintain the necessary contacts. At ease ask the interlocutor what he thinks on a topic that is significant for him, and get ready to listen, not forgetting to “feed” him with supportive interjections and clarifying questions. It is desirable to know the topics in advance. A positive opinion about the interlocutor will be imprinted on a subconscious level. The main thing is not to forget to screw in at the end something like: “Extremely extraordinary position, pleasantly surprised, thank you!”, as sincerely as possible. False notes in this case are very well felt, and casually thrown questions with a parallel study of the landscape in the window can be perceived as disrespectful.
Are you weak?
Method: are you weak?
Weapon: doubt about the capabilities of another
Vulnerabilities: the need for self-realization and recognition
Manipulation is performed as follows: first, a slight doubt is voiced that a person is capable of this or that action, and then the so-called “stroking” is added — it can be approval, praise, affectionate words.
“Listen, are you sure you can install this program? Although you, of course, have a bright head, but still … »
After that, the «victim» will make every effort to perform this action, and the manipulator can only graciously accept the results, not forgetting to repeat: «Deep down, I had no doubts about your abilities!»
Sandwich, pliiiz
Method: sandwich, pliiz
Weapon: Veiled Negativity
Vulnerabilities: need for belonging and love, need for recognition
This method is suitable if you need to express your dissatisfaction or complaints in a safe way (for example, to a more authoritative person).
The statement is a three-layer sandwich: first you present a layer of positive information, then a layer of what you don’t like or don’t like, and end again with a layer of “strokes”. Anything can act as an introductory positive, depending on the specific situation. If it’s a boss, talk about a successful deal, then hint at the lack of payment for the order and finish with what a fair boss he is and how satisfied you are with working under his leadership. When it comes to a personal or friendly situation, you can simply say that you appreciate and love your loved one, but you are very upset by this and that. It will be win-win to make a sincere compliment. A bitter pill in a sweet shell is not only easier to swallow, but also assimilate and, perhaps, even give the desired result.