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“Daddy’s favorite” who lost her father is not just going through severe personal trauma. She falls into a tight trap of an archetypal pattern of behavior that can affect her entire future life. In whom today can you recognize the ancient Electra and how to free yourself from the power of myth?
A girl who lost her father at an early age and unwittingly idealizes him for many years. A daughter who continues to rebel against her mother even after adolescence is over. A teenage girl who is more attracted to dreams of boys than real relationships. A woman who can not realize herself in any way in the profession …
Many of those girls and women who are close to these styles of behavior live the myth of Elektra in their lives, says Jungian psychologist Nancy Cater, author of The Elektra Complex in the Psychology of Women.
What archetypal situations recognizable in modern families does this myth describe?
Psychological incest with father
The legends about Electra have different interpretations – first of all, the tragedies of Aeschylus, Euripides and Seneca. The essence of the conflict can be represented as follows: first, Clytemnestra, the mother of Electra and Orestes, in alliance with her lover Aegisthus, kills Agamemnon, her husband.
Years pass, Orestes and Electra grow up and decide to avenge their father: Orestes, led by his sister, kills his mother and Aegisthus.
Peering into this story more closely, let’s pay attention to the story of a girl who is acutely experiencing the loss of her beloved father.
Until about the age of six, Elektra lived as a princess in a palace at Mycenae with her father, Agamemnon, a powerful king. She grew up “daddy’s daughter”, a favorite. It can be assumed that little Elektra already idolized her father.
Later, during the ten-year absence of her father, who went to the Trojan War, her desire for idealization intensifies.
And the death of Agamemnon at the hands of Clytemnestra forces Electra to forever fix the ideal image of a courageous, loving, protective father – an image that can no longer be corrected in reality.
“If at first a positive fantasy about a father helps a woman, giving her a sense of hope,” explains Nancy Cater, “then over time it becomes destructive, because it does not allow her to continue to live her life.
A woman lives only in her imagination, without having a real relationship. She has no energy left to follow her own destiny.”
Disturbed image of the mother
The “Electra Complex” is precisely a complex of feelings, internal conflicts and experiences that cannot be reduced only to the idealization of the father.
Another facet of him is a broken relationship with his body and his own sexuality, the reason for which is the difficult relationship of Electra with her domineering mother, Clytemnestra. The mother does not share the grief of her daughter who lost her father, moreover, she devalues her loss in every way.
“Clytemnestra embodies the negative aspects of Elektra’s mother archetype,” says Nancy Cater. The absorbing mother does not allow her daughter to grow, develop personally or experience joy, creativity, freedom.
On a more global level, she denies the uniqueness and individuality of her daughter. It is especially important that the negative maternal image breaks the connection of Electra with her female “I”, with her sexuality.
Elektra complex
The term “Electra complex” was coined by Carl Gustav Jung. In The Theory of Psychoanalysis, he suggested using it to describe the oedipal stage of development in girls, the stage in which a 3-6 year old daughter “develops a special affection for her father with a corresponding zeal for her mother.”
Portrait of a modern Elektra
The portrait of Elektra from the point of view of Nancy Cater is as follows. This woman is psychologically stuck in adolescence because of her unresolved relationship with her father. She continues to mourn for him many years later and cannot find her place in the outside world.
She identifies with the role of victim, blaming her mother for all her problems. She projects her power onto men (primarily her father and brother, Orestes) and is unable to act: she simply waits for her brother to come and save her. At the same time, she unconsciously has an inflated opinion of herself as a princess.
The myth of Electra is lived today by many women and girls. The loss of a father is not only about death, but about the departure of a father, divorce, is a common occurrence in our world. It becomes a trauma – for both the mother and the daughter.
A mother who cannot cope with the loss (becomes angry at her ex-spouse, blames him, or represses love for him) will find it difficult to bear the behavior of a daughter who continues to demonstrate her love for her father.
As a result, the mother becomes closed to her feelings. Their mutual misunderstanding strengthens the mother’s new marriage, which the daughter may perceive as a betrayal of her father and her.
In the future, such a psychologically incestuous relationship with an ideal father can complicate her sexual relations with men.
Feeling isolated, the girl may withdraw into a fantasy world populated by heroic male figures. She will dream that one day one of these father-like heroes will come and save her from life with her mother.
In the future, such a psychologically incestuous relationship with an ideal father can complicate her sexual relations with men.
Having matured, the modern Elektra can also experience difficulties in finding her own professional path. And not only because of depression and unwillingness to act. If her domineering mother is successful in her career, the daughter may refuse to realize herself in the profession in order to avoid comparison with her mother.
Find your way out
Young women who recognize themselves in this story should not be trapped in the myth, insists Nancy Cater. It formulates tasks, the solution of which will help to go beyond the myth and become freer. Here are some of them:
1. Say goodbye to your father. In order to complete the grieving process, the modern Elektra must come into contact with her anger at her father for abandoning her.
Anger plays an important role in the mourning process, and refusing to acknowledge it only prolongs the process. Once she can openly express the feelings of anger and abandonment that are repressed by her idealized father image, she will be able to accept her loss and move on.
2. Separate the real father from the ideal image. Elektra may learn about her father’s shady, negative traits after he leaves relatives, family friends, or others.
However, there is a possibility that she will still be attached to the idealized image of her father. Therefore, the modern Elektra can work out this issue indirectly through her subsequent relationships with men.
The modern Elektra will have to reconsider her relationship with her mother, admit that she and she are in many ways similar to each other.
3. Reconnect with your animus. Electra women project their animus (the male part of the female psyche) onto men. It is important to determine what these traits are – for example, the ability to set goals, make decisions, take actions – and develop them in yourself.
As soon as these projections are returned, the psychic energy will be released, and the woman will be able to become stronger, more responsible, ready to find her own way in life.
4. Discover femininity in yourself. The modern Elektra will have to reconsider her relationship with her mother, recognize that they are similar to each other in many ways, try to see positive features in her and reconnect.
What to do if the relationship is destroyed irrevocably? Fortunately, the positive mother archetype exists within our psyches. The Elektra woman can reconnect with him in a variety of ways.
Positive mother figures may appear in her dreams, and she may also interact with him through her relationships with other female teachers and friends.
Nancy Cater is convinced that recognizing a myth allows us not only to better understand our own experiences, but also to take the first steps towards liberation from its unconscious power.