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Ekaterina Murashova on raising children, prohibitions, recommendations
The psychologist told how parents can find a compromise between “can” and “no”.
Setting boundaries for a beloved child is something that, oh, how difficult it is for moms and dads. Some are sure that the baby should be given complete freedom. Others – that control and strict discipline are needed. And how really? Ekaterina Murashova, a well-known child and family psychologist, specially for healthy-food-near-me.com told how to place accents between “allowed” and “not allowed”.
“Setting boundaries never hurts a child’s psyche. The child’s psyche is harmed by their absence. If something can be resolved, allow it. If you can give something – give it! – the psychologist is sure. “Some parents have the idea that there is knowledge about how to raise children correctly, the main thing is to get it, to do everything right, and then the children will also be“ right ”. It is not true”.
5 rules for setting boundaries for a child
1. There are no correct boundaries
Nowhere is it possible to know what exactly you should allow or forbid your child. Can he play with water in the living room? Can you eat candy before lunch? Can I watch TV at night? Is it possible to enter this puddle? All decisions on these issues are equally correct. And all the specifics for your family will be determined by you and only you.
2. Lean on yourself
What to focus on when deciding whether to allow the child something or not? What is convenient for you and seems reasonable on this particular issue. The recommendations of your parents, popular psychologists and talk shows do not play on this field at all. They may not be stupid at all, but they never take into account your specific preferences and circumstances.
3. Be consistent
If the situation is repetitive, then the solution for it should be the same. It was possible to play with water in the living room yesterday, it is possible today and it will be possible tomorrow. Candy is never given before lunch, it is always given only after it is over. If the situation is single, then you have to come up with a single solution for it.
4. Correct communication
The decision you made about the boundaries must be communicated to the child in a form that is understandable to him. The smaller the child, the simpler the shape, naturally. A child cannot decide for himself what is and is not possible in the world he has entered, but he has the right to know how everything that directly concerns him is arranged here.
5. Negotiate
Parents (mother and father) should have a common decision about situations that recur in the child’s life. This common solution is negotiated and compromised. A single, already made decision of one is unconditionally and situationally supported by another (then you can argue and discuss, but not in the presence of a child). Grandparents may have different boundaries, this is accepted. Parents never give candy before dinner. But at the grandparents in their apartment on the weekend, the child eats candy in no particular order. Nothing can be done about it.
Ekaterina Murashova, lecture «“, Lecture hall” Direct speech “, October 20, 12:00.