In addition to the “Stop!” rule, you can use the “Let’s figure it out” method in your family (or class) to reduce the number of fights (suitable for ages 5-8). It is quite effective, and the procedure is as follows.
First, the fight must be stopped: this can be done with a voice, you can physically separate them and stand between them, while it is advisable to hold the hand of one with one hand, and the other with the other. Now everyone should calm down, including you. As everyone calmed down and fell silent, you all need to move to a special place where you can talk leisurely. In any case, make sure that you sit quietly, and the two fighters stand in front of you at some distance from each other. Let’s call them Vanya and Sasha.
Now you give the task, the intonation is calm, without discontent and accusation: “Vanya, you are the eldest, so the first task is for you: you will need to tell me what happened and why you started to fight. Think about how you can tell me. Sasha’s task is different: when Vanya tells, your task is to remain silent, no matter what Vanya says here, and not correct him in anything. Later you will tell everything, but for now your task is to remain silent and train endurance. Are you okay?»
Attention! I hope you understand that sorting out “who is right or wrong” in fights between children is a rotten, almost unrealistic thing, so the real meaning of the upcoming procedure, apparently, is something else. What do you think?
Try somehow really do all this together with the children, and you will understand a lot. You will understand that it is very difficult for the listener (Sasha) to restrain himself: the narrator (Vanya) will tell as if he is not to blame for anything, as if everything happened because of Sasha; Vanya will certainly forget something important, and come up with something that does not exist … But — Sasha needs to hold on. Great workout! On the other hand, at the same time you teach and train Vanya: teach him to describe what happened calmly and consistently, in a reportage style, without name-calling and unnecessary emotions. Great skill!
The second part of the procedure is the same in reverse: now Sasha tells everything “as it really was”, and Vanya trains endurance and must listen to him without indignation and interruptions. For indignation and interruptions — everyone squats, along with an adult.
The third part — both, in the same turn and starting with the eldest, should think and say what they themselves were not quite right about, that is, how they should behave in the future …
It is important that all this happens measuredly and calmly.
Now put yourself in the place of the children and understand what is really happening now. On the one hand, in this situation, children learn to think, on the other hand, they soon become terribly bored next to such a calm parent, they begin to look at each other, silently agreeing to quickly stop all this and quickly return to their games … Without any notations from their parents, children long ago they themselves decided to make peace, and the proposal to play the game «Peace, make up and fight no more» is met with complete enthusiasm.
In total, in one sitting we get the following results:
- Children are learning. They learn what happens to them, analyze and tell in an adult way; learn restraint, the ability to listen without emotional outbursts and comments;
- The children calmly reconciled.
- The fight received negative reinforcement, the children learned: if they fight again, they will have to stand boringly quietly next to their father (mother) for at least ten minutes and speak smartly. Not quickly, but it gives its results, there are fewer fights.