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Hello! Do you know what helps to establish contact, long-term relationships, successfully negotiate and get to know people whose services will be useful in the future? This is a technique with a concise name small talk, which in English means a short conversation. Its features are important to study and use for each of us in order to be able to easily communicate with different people.
General information
People often feel anxious when they need to talk to someone. And especially to get to know each other. It seems that you need to say something smart, original or funny in order to be remembered and make a good impression. But actually it is not. This opinion, by the way, only adds to the anxiety in the process, which threatens that absolutely everything will “fly out” of the head. And then even a pro in his field can begin to stutter or fall silent from embarrassment.
Very often we neglect the opportunity to chat on distant topics before moving on to the main issue. In order to save personal time or energy. But in vain. Because small talk helps to relieve tension, establish contact, and also understand what the interlocutor is like. We unconsciously “scan” each other in the course of a conversation, monitor non-verbal manifestations, mood, words that are more often used, and so on.
Therefore, no matter how insignificant a short conversation may seem, in fact it is a strong foundation, thanks to which joint movement forward becomes possible. It does not matter whether it is a personal relationship, or professional, business.
Rules
To master this effective communication, follow these rules:
Interest
Don’t be afraid to show interest in another person, even if you’re just standing next to a bus stop waiting for a bus. It’s scary to get acquainted or be the first to start a conversation only at first. If you practice small talk, you will eventually realize that there is nothing terrible in just sharing a thought with a stranger. Focus on your interest, not fear. Be afraid, but act. I’ll tell you a secret — it’s exciting to get acquainted even with the great masters of oratory. They are just afraid, but they do, and do not stop themselves.
ARE methodology
You might want to consider the dating strategy developed by Carol Fleming, an expert in successful communications. This technique consists of three steps, where:
- Anchor — search for common ground. Translated from English means anchor. You, in fact, will have to anchor at the first stage, so that there is something to cling to and continue the conversation.
- Reveal — disclosure of the topic, its development and a smooth transition to other areas. Remember the joke about the student who, preparing for the exam, learned only one ticket, about fleas. But he got a question about fish. Having told a little dryly what he knows about them, the quick-witted guy said: “But if the fish had wool, fleas would have appeared in it, which …”. So, talking about the weather, you can see that it is ideal for your favorite sport, pastime, and so on. Why the conversation will smoothly flow into a different direction.
- Encourage — means encouragement. This means that you should respect the boundaries and allow the interlocutor to join the conversation. Ask him open-ended questions, let’s have an opportunity to speak. Otherwise, the monologue will tire him and cause a desire not to intersect with you anymore.
Personal space
Respect the boundaries of personal space. If you invade someone else’s territory, you can cause an aggressive reaction. It is especially important to study the zones and rules of conduct with representatives of other cultures if your field of activity involves communication with foreign partners and clients. Because, for example, in Japan it is customary to talk almost nose to nose, although in European countries only very close people are allowed at such a distance. And each person has their own border, going beyond which they will not be comfortable. Therefore, be careful and consider the characteristics of your interlocutor.
Topics
It is imperative to start a conversation with positive topics, in extreme cases, not emotionally colored in any way. The discussion of something unpleasant usually ends on it, without giving the opportunity to catch on and switch to other topics and common interests. It becomes not clear what else is appropriate to add, and in general, whether it is worth it.
Pauses
When meeting, try to exclude long pauses, as the discomfort of silence will become an occasion to say goodbye as soon as possible in order to finally relax. If you don’t know what to add, make a compliment, each person has something that deserves respect or attention. Finally, say something about the weather. Ask about something. Just to avoid adding even more tension and awkwardness, ask open-ended questions that imply a detailed answer. Not just «yes», «no». Otherwise, the dialogue will look like an interrogation.
Expert zone
Listen carefully to what is being said to you and look for topics that you can “grab on”. That is, which give you more information about the character of another person, his tastes and preferences, hobbies. This process is also called expert zone detection. Every detail and every word is important, which will indicate the area that is most interesting and important to the interlocutor.
The expert zone can be both work and personal. Working, professional, it is better not to touch immediately, even when meeting with a partner, superiors. Personal interests are always the most relevant. If you manage to immediately discover what is important for another person, consider that you have earned his location and sympathy. Remember when someone is interested in your hobby or the success of the kids, it cheers you up? Want to continue the conversation with someone who is attentive to you and shows respect?
But you should be careful, if you do not guess the expert zone, there will be very little chance of making contact. Therefore, prepare in advance to meet and get to know people who are significant to you. Fortunately, in the modern world, this is quite simple to do. View your profile on social networks, study photos of places where they visit, what fills the news feed and so on.
I propose to get acquainted with the topics that will help to establish a small talk in such a way that it develops into a closer acquaintance and partnership.
Stereotypes
Rely on the stereotypes that exist in society. They will help start a conversation. Let’s say that it is believed that women like to shop, and most of the men prefer fishing as a recreation. Yes, people are different and their tastes too, but you can always check how the selected stereotype matches the real person. For example, talking about rainy weather, you can add that it is good for fishermen who use worms as bait. Because there should be a lot of them now. Then ask if he is interested in fishing himself. And even if he gives a negative answer, you already have a loophole to move on. That is, to ask, what then does he love, etc.
Affiliation
It is worth looking at the details of the image and it will become clear which groups your communication partner belongs to. So to speak, «turn on» Sherlock Holmes. Pay attention to what you arrived in, a car, a taxi or a bus. What is his style of clothes, shoes. After all, the brand of the phone. All this will give you comprehensive information to maintain an unobtrusive dialogue. Especially useful for those who are interested in networking. That is, the creation of useful connections, both for professional activities and for everyday, ordinary life.
Humor
This is a win-win tool that can defuse the situation, win over even a stranger, and also indicates the presence of a high level of intelligence. Learn jokes, remember funny situations, study jokes to share them at the right time. Just avoid topics that can cause negative emotions. For example, about politics or religion. You do not know what views, beliefs the interlocutor adheres to.
What can be said in other countries?
If you travel frequently, visit other countries for work, or interact with people from other cultures, you’ll need this information to help you connect.
So, about sports, especially football, you can safely start a conversation in Spain and England, where it will be instantly quickly picked up. It is better not to be interested in family in Scotland. Otherwise, you risk getting a reputation as a person who interferes in their own affairs. But the Italians will gladly tell you even about the cousin’s second cousin. It would be appropriate to announce the weather in England and Ireland. If you ask a German how he is doing, then be prepared to receive a detailed answer with the smallest details. But in America, this phrase is pronounced simply for greeting. The French appreciate humor and love to talk about food.
Completion
If your field of activity is related to trade, you simply must use small talk in communicating with customers. Unless, of course, you want to increase the number of sales. Many store employees neglect this technique, and not everyone knows about it. From what they look intrusive in their services, asking immediately questions about the product of interest. This mostly deters potential buyers. Therefore, your trump card will be an unobtrusive dialogue that will win over the client and inspire confidence.
We also recommend that you study the topic of human aggression, from the point of view of psychology. Where does it come from, how is it expressed, etc. This will help you, even better, to understand the interlocutor.
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Good luck and accomplishments! Practice this technique daily and you will soon become a virtuoso in the field of successful communication.
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina