Sports section of martial arts. The beginning of classes, joyful 6-8-year-old boys and girls run into the locker room. It is rare for anyone to have backpacks with sports ammunition in their hands or behind their backs — in most cases, parents, grandparents carry the uniform. It is clear that the elders do everything for them. Someone puts the children on chairs and begins to change clothes, hurrying and urging — the children only have time to raise their arms and legs, obediently letting them take off their clothes. Then they put on a uniform, and they are joyful and not very (after hearing the words: “What are you digging for!”, “Well, are you asleep?”, “Come on quickly!”, Etc.) begin to rush around the lobby, and parents, having folded and hung their clothes, continue their “education”: “Stop running!”, “How are you behaving?”, “Ah, come on, stop it!” etc.
The children have gone to training, the parents take a breath and recuperate. The training is over, a crowd of flushed, sweaty and happy kids is again rushing into the locker room … How are their parents greeted? “Come on quickly!”, “What are you digging for!”, “I’ll leave now if you don’t obey!” — and yet again everything is done for them. Children stand, parents work around them.
It is not right. Children can carry their own uniform. The guys know how to undress and dress. It is our hands, overtaking our head, reaching out to do their work for them. It is we, the parents, who are in a hurry, we are late, therefore we drive them, hurry, break down on our beloved children.
What motivates parents if they spend their time (and money) taking their kids to workouts? I have no doubt — love, the desire to instill independence, discipline and responsibility. What will be the result of such parental efforts? Apparently, after all, something else: the confidence of children that their parents are obliged to serve them.
Can all this be done differently? Can. I saw it. These parents with the child came a little earlier. The boy had a satchel behind his back, in which lay a uniform. He was not rushed when he changed clothes. He filmed everything himself. He neatly folded his own clothes. Most importantly, they didn’t pull him up, didn’t scold him, but patiently stood next to him. They talked to him, joked. Helped him? Yes, but only when he made a request himself and in relation to what he himself could not yet.
Hanging a jacket on a hanger is really impossible, too high. Tie the uniform correctly — yes, he still can’t cope with this, his parents help.
Everything else is done by the child. Not quickly, but his parents did not pull him up: they waited, prompted, praised. Of course, while he was the last to leave, but he dressed and folded his things himself! And his sports uniform (albeit part of it), but he himself was in his satchel — and he did it with pride. Perhaps his parents need more patience, but they work for the future, for his independence.
Looking at this example, I also decided to follow this behavior. I gave myself a task: to hold back my hands and give my son the opportunity to solve the problem of drying his head on his own. After training, everyone is wet, and usually my son asks me to dry his hair with a hairdryer. And this time I say: «Let’s try it yourself — you can do it!» He himself plugged the plug into the outlet (tried!), turned on the hair dryer and began to dry his head. Well, while he did it awkwardly and with one hand. Don’t worry, learn. I suggested to him: “If you help with your other hand and rake your hair, things will go faster! One two hands, and both are yours—use them to the fullest!” He began to ruffle his hair with both hands, things got more fun, and soon we both went home quite satisfied.
I walked and thought: if we want to raise our children and spend hours sometimes wasted on this, then it’s stupid not to spend extra minutes so that children really get lessons in independence. And we will become — closer, we will become — friends!