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Girl or boy, the same education?
In 2014, a report comprising 30 proposals was submitted to the former Minister of Women’s Rights, Najat Vallaud-Belkacem. It was about promoting equality between men and women, from an early age. Many experts took the floor explaining how the fight against gender stereotypes was essential from early childhood. Anne-Emmanuelle Berger, specialist in gender work, recalled that research on this subject “did not aim at sexual indifferentiation but rather at the link between biological sex and social stereotypes”. In some nurseries, such as the Maison Bleue, nursery nurses are trained in stereotypes in their work with toddlers. The toys offered to toddlers are generally deexual, little boys are offered both to play with dolls and cars. When we ask mothers what they think about it, things are more clear-cut.
Unconsciously, parents raise their children differently
In her practice as a psychologist, Angélique Cimelière notes that boys and girls are differentiated from childhood. “In consultation, in my office the little guys go to the cars and the girls are attracted to the dolls and the clothes. “Moms confirm it on social networks:” I educate them in the same way on a daily basis but they do not react the same. If my daughter has never been attracted to car games or climbing, my son enjoys this type of activity ”. For another mother, of course, the boys are tougher. “I tried to raise them the same way but I didn’t succeed. My guys are much tougher than my daughters so I don’t have the same education with them ”.
Angélique Cimelière specifies that parents are not always aware that they are making differences. For the evening story, for example, they will unconsciously choose a book by T’choupi, with a different story depending on whether they are addressed to their daughter or their son. “This desired and sought-after equality between the two sexes still does not exist in our society. I think parents educate their little girl differently than their boy. They will not speak in the same tone for example to one or the other. They will whisper more to their little girl and raise their voices more easily with their little guy. This is the opinion of a mother: “It is certain that we educate girls and boys in the same way, but nobody is aware of it or dares to admit it”. For the psychologist, anyway, even if the child is brought up without difference, it is when it comes time to go back to school that everything is played out.
Even if a child has been brought up without differentiation, by the time he enters high school, in CP in particular, he will adopt very gendered and normative behaviors. “In elementary school, children meet their peers and become aware of the difference between the sexes,” explains Angélique Cimelière. The girls stay with their girlfriends to chat and the boys get together with “little guys” to play football or more motor games. The psychologist explains that this is the beginning of socialization and sexual differentiation. “If a boy is brought up in the non-differentiation of gender, once he goes to school, he risks being confronted with mockery because he chose a girl’s disguise for example. This can quickly turn into criticism or even harassment. In Sweden, for example, children were recently educated in schools that used the neutral pronoun “on” instead of “he” or “she”. Angélique Cimelière is not in favor of this system. “The child is denied in his identity. The books offered no longer refer to stereotypes. It is a pity, because it is essential for the personal construction of the child. ” She insists on the fact that stereotypes do play a role of important social markers for the future of the child. She believes that a majority of parents remain fairly traditional in their education and, consciously or not, make differences between their sons and daughters.
Educating your children, a question of personality
For moms, boys or girls, what matters is the character or personality of their child. “I have boys and girls and I raise them the same when it comes to politeness, help at home or at school. Then, you have to deal with the character of each child and adapt, ”says a mother on Facebook. Indeed, universal values such as respect, politeness, mutual aid… are transmitted to children without difference. Another mother explains that the child’s personality plays a key role: “ It’s a question of personality. We love and raise our children differently depending on their character “. Angélique Cimelière also confirms that the main basic principles of education are valid for the whole family with the parents she follows in consultation. This mom confirms: ” I don’t think that’s the kind of kid that determines my upbringing. The personality, the temperament and the differences of each child, make that I adapt to each one for what it is. “