Education is tailor-made!
“Our two princesses, Adèle and Léonie, have such different characters that their father and I had to adapt. Even if our educational values did not change, with the eldest, our rather calm and docile model little girl, everything went smoothly. While with Léonie, our bitch, rather rebellious and angry, we had to learn to negotiate and manage the “no’s” repeatedly without letting go! »Mélissa and Thibault are like all parents, anxious to give the best possible education to their children while ensuring their personal development. As the psychoanalyst Dina Karoubi-Pecon underlines: “To educate well, it is to transmit the fundamental rules of respect for others and for oneself by knowing how to adapt the prohibitions and the universal law to the particularity of each child. The message is the same, but the way you say it takes into account the little person you have in front of you.
Prioritize priorities
It’s like when we travel abroad, we say hello to people because we are polite, but in the language of the country if we want to be understood. The best way to understand how a toddler works is to watch his reactions when we explain to him what is expected of him. According to the shrink: “You don’t have to read a thesis on education or follow educational models to the letter, daily observation of a child with whom we live allows to know him and to accompany him. ” Of course, the rules are integrated over the months and a toddler cannot be “perfect” all the way. Parents must prioritize their priorities and not be too demanding, because education is not training, but a delicate mixture of constraints and listening. When they ask questions, children expect clear answers. Everyone has their own way of learning: some need to be shown how to do it, others want to do everything on their own; some groped forward, while others waited until they had mastered their skills to get started.
Accept it as it is
In the same way as the physique ofa child is unique, his psyche, his sensitivity and his emotions are just as important, and in order for him to be happy, he needs his parents to accept him as he is. As the psychoanalyst explains: “Two people who make a child will give birth to a third person, from both but unique. The child is not a copy of his parents, he cannot be as they ideally want him to be. The child is a subject, he is himself! ” Respect their relational style, his character, his temperament, is the key to a successful education. A character is a set of features, tastes, attitudes, which are usual and that those around them spot. Be careful, a character can move! Lise, for example, saw Mathéo transform in a few months: “Mathéo was very shy. At nursery school, the teacher told us about his difficulty in making friends, in participating … On the advice of a friend, we enrolled him in a drama class and he changed. Little by little, it came out of its shell! This is why it is so important not to put them indefinitive labels.
Don’t compare it to others
Every child has skills, strengths and weaknesses, an attraction for a particular school subject, a marked taste for physical activities. It is pointless and hurtful to compare him to others … We were all annoyed by sentences like: “Look at your brother, he can do it and he is smaller than you!” »Each child develops at his own pace. To judge the development of a child, specialists have established averages that define a standard, an ideal developmentxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
As we can see, educating a child requires the ability to putting oneself in question, to adapt to his evolution, to find the best way to be understood by him, to listen to him, to encourage him, to support him, to protect him, to offer him essential learning to his future adult life feeling good about himself. This is the richness of the job of parents!