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Swim before walking, know three languages at the age of five and play the violin, because “after three it’s too late.” These and other ideas have inspired parents for many years. What do psychologists think about this? Do fashionable methods meet the needs of children?
The radiant mother tells her friends that her daughter, at two and a half years old, already expresses herself in complex sentences – all thanks to the cards laid out throughout the house. And a happy father is not overjoyed at his son, who at the same age learned to count to a hundred. What, it would seem, still need evidence that early development methods work? Let’s not rush.
First, the amazing results of children are not necessarily what they seem to parents. “Yes, a small child can sometimes list numbers up to 100,” agrees children’s analyst Anna Skavitina. “But he just memorizes them the way he would memorize poetry. It has nothing to do with the score.”
Secondly, children’s successes are not always associated with developmental methods. “A child with whom parents talk a lot, speech, of course, develops faster. Especially if the speech of the parents is beautiful and complex, – notes child psychologist Galiya Nigmetzhanova. “Perhaps he would have shown the same success without any cards.”
And finally, thirdly. Even if the result is achieved and the early development system has helped, where is the guarantee that this will make the child happier and more successful in the future?
Child as a project
The ideas of early development came to our country along with many other bright ideas in the early 1990s. And many parents liked it, who in those turbulent years sought to control, if not their lives, then at least the future of their children. The intention is certainly a good one. But partly dangerous, because in an effort to shape the future of the child – for the sake of his own happiness, of course! – it is too easy to lose sight of the interests of the child himself.
“The cons begin where the desire to“ get a result ”takes over the parental view itself – what happens to my child there, is it good for him? – says Galiya Nigmetzhanova. “It is dangerous when a child is called upon to demonstrate the success of me, an adult, to my environment.” In this case, parents are tempted to turn parenting into a “project”. What is not a worthy task: to grow, if not a genius, then at least a very successful person? Worthy on one condition: taking care of the child. “If you grow up, you will say thank you” is not an argument.
Young children are very suggestible. Everything that they receive in childhood extends later into adulthood. And it is all the more important to respect the personality of the child, not to impose something obviously alien on him.
Let him be taught
Meanwhile, numerous schools, courses and early development studios respond primarily to parental needs, which, in turn, depend on fashion. Not so long ago, we were vied with promises to teach music, mathematics and foreign languages to two-three-year-old children. Today, when Eastern practices are held in high regard by parents, children’s yoga studios and even meditation courses for young children are multiplying.
“I don’t see anything wrong with a mother doing yoga with her child. At this moment they interact, the parent does something, and the child tries to imitate him, they have an even closer contact, says Anna Skavitina. “But if a parent, not doing yoga himself, gives the child, they say, let him be taught what I myself can’t do, this is no longer development.” And it’s not just about yoga.
Anna Skavitina is sure that people who are much less competent than the parents of these children often work with children in clubs and studios: “Often girls work there who have neither their own children nor special knowledge. Yes, we get children who are trained in a certain area and can demonstrate it to the delight of their parents. But it rather hinders natural development.”
No guilty guilty
Another reason for the enthusiasm for early development is increased parental anxiety. Future mothers and fathers are actively preparing for parenthood, attending seminars in advance, buying books.
“But then they feel confused, because the books promised one thing, but in reality it is difficult to fulfill all these recommendations,” notes child psychologist Elena Morozova. – Many parents do not trust themselves, their intuition, do not develop it, sometimes do not even turn it on, but trust the advice of specialists from books, trainings. Therefore, they do not always understand what to do, but at the same time they feel a high responsibility to society.”
Adults today have to live at a frantic pace. Feelings of guilt that they work too hard and don’t devote enough time to the child, constant doubts about “am I a good enough mother” can force young parents to load their son or daughter as much as possible, develop according to all methods at once, and send them to classes very early to make up for my own absence.
Parents are tired, because “their list of responsibilities is growing every day,” sympathizes psychotherapist Christophe André. – They need to make sure that the child grows up healthy, but also that he is happy and develops well. And in this area, we are all a little disoriented.”
Deification of childhood
Today, many parents and even psychologists have a somewhat idealistic view of childhood, in which children instinctively know what is good for them. The reverse side of this idealization is a distrust of authority, of intellect, and of adults in general who abuse the child, seeking to “average” him and cut him off from his feelings.
With this approach, the best thing parents can do is to leave the child alone and not prevent him from choosing what he likes on his own. True, there is one “but”: the child needs a connection with an adult.
“A child is a creature for whom the concepts of “like – dislike”, “pleasure – displeasure” depend on what his parents like, recalls Galiya Nigmetzhanova. “And he is best at what they do with him, getting pleasure from it themselves.”
Perhaps that is why acting and musical dynasties are more common than steelworking dynasties: steel cannot be made at home. Musicians are more likely to grow up in musical families where owning an instrument comes naturally. And the actors are in the acting rooms, because they grow up in an atmosphere of looseness and love for the stage. Sometimes parents do not want their children to follow in their footsteps, but children absorb the profession very early.
This point of view is shared by Christophe Andre: “It is not so much the methodology that affects the child, but the example that we give them with our lives, our passion.” But what if a bear stepped on your ear, but you dream that your son or daughter would grow up musical? To begin with, music should sound in the house. And then the task of parents is to find a teacher who will infect the child with his love.
“The role of an adult remains key,” Galiya Nigmetzhanova is convinced. “And if these are not parents, then a coach or teacher who loves his job, understands children well and has positive energy, charisma.” How to recognize him? After classes, the children’s eyes burn, they cannot wait for the next meeting.
Best development – game
Most of the methods of early development focus on the game form of training. But it should not be confused with spontaneous childish play.
The French philosopher Michel Montaigne assured that “children’s games are not games at all, and it is more correct to look at them as the most significant and thoughtful occupation of this age.” He is echoed by the Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky, who called the game “the leading line of development in preschool age.” Recent research shows that gaming reduces activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that responds to fear.
In addition, “with each successful game task, certain areas in the midbrain, the so-called “reward centers,” begin to spark intensely,” neuroscientist Gerald Hüter and philosopher Christoph Kvarch, authors of the book Save the Game!, assure. “We experience this feeling as joy, pleasure, sometimes even delight.”
“Young children experience a large number of such bouts of elation every day. That is why they are so eager to learn so much in such a short time. Not through teachings and instructions or other “developmental activities”, but due to the fact that every day in the game they learn more about the world and their opportunities to explore and create this world,” the authors of the book summarize.
In the game, the child learns to navigate the world and to cope with himself, with his affects. Therefore, the game cannot be just a “shell” for a developmental event, but must, above all, remain just a game.
Three whales of success
Today, more than one generation of children has tested early development. What conclusions did psychologists draw? “It is impossible to prove the benefit or harm of one or another development method,” says Galiya Nigmetzhanova. Man is an open, self-developing system. We cannot create laboratory conditions and identify what develops it and what slows it down.”
But if we are going to get serious about child development, we will undoubtedly need three “folk remedies”: love and respect for the child, sincere interest in what we are doing with him, and time to play. And it may well turn out that other methods will not be required …