– You find out that you have cancer and you have a moment to choose: you only suffer or start living the way you always wanted – says Ewa. An hour after learning that she had a mastectomy, she posed with her fiancé for a session. The photographer did not guess that something was wrong.
- This first moment is the hardest. The night is the worst. Desperate, she hides under the blanket and says that she will not come out. It even covers the head – only the nose and eyes are sticking out, from which tears fall. He cannot fall asleep, he thinks he will never, ever fall asleep again. Eventually it collapses from fatigue. In the morning, she does not think about the disease anymore, but about how to organize herself – Ewa is one of the heroes of Agnieszka Witkowicz-Matolicz’s book “Unusual Girls. Cancer did not take away their dreams “
- Today he knows that you can’t put anything off, because you never know when the last day is. There is no point in waiting for the right moment to be ready. There will always be people who know more, are better prepared. It’s hard – the most important thing is to act, follow your dreams.
- The stories of these girls’ struggles can inspire other sick people. And for every healthy woman who thinks that life is beyond her. After reading about these 10 girls, she will definitely look at her problems from a completely different perspective
- The strength of this book is the strength of their characters, but also the fact that it provides practical tips on how to deal with the disease. Also those from doctors and psychologists. There is also a handbook for patients. “Amazing Girls. Cancer did not take away their dreams ”from October 3, it is already in bookstores
Elegant blonde with hair almost to the waist looks into the camera lens with joy. The make-up is flawless, the dress like from a magazine hugs a nice bust. She boldly shows off shapely legs and black high heels. Behind her is an elegant fiance. Young, beautiful, self-confident, fulfilled, happily engaged, happily in love. She doesn’t look like a girl who’s going to die.
And two hours before this session, her world collapsed once again. On the way, he gets a terrible message for every woman, shocking for a woman in her late twenties – another operation and amputation of the entire breast will be necessary.
This first moment is the hardest. The night is the worst. Desperate, she hides under the blanket and says that she will not come out. It even covers the head – only the nose and eyes are sticking out, from which tears fall. He cannot fall asleep, he thinks he will never, ever fall asleep again. Eventually it collapses from fatigue.
In the morning, he no longer thinks about the disease, but about how to organize himself. He calls the surgeon indicated by his aunt and makes an appointment for the operation on Friday.
What would she tell other young girls who find out they have breast cancer? A few months of a little different life are waiting for you. When you hear the diagnosis, there is a moment to make a decision – whether for the next six months, maybe longer, you will cry and suffer, tire, or will you decide that this time, despite everything, you will spend fun, joyfully, happily with a smile, you will think how you want to live and start living like that. It is a matter of deciding which of these options you will implement. We are able to rise to such heights to make this time as good as possible. Because it will pass.
***
Monday, October 3, 2016 – he receives an SMS that he can check the biopsy result via the Internet. She made it to make sure that the lesion the ultrasound showed was benign. Doctors refused to refer such a young girl, but she insisted. There is no time to look at the computer all day because there is so much going on.
***
They come home, remember to check the biopsy result. She asks her fiancé to look into the system of one of the private clinics. He is bustling around the house, asking from the other end of the apartment – how’s it going? She is puzzled by the silence – overwhelming and too long, she will never forget it. He rushes into the bedroom, and he without a word, pale, stares at the computer screen, looks over his shoulder, and there is only one sentence…. Malignant breast cancer.
“Suddenly, in an instant, my whole life turned over. I will never forget it.”
21.30 – the first call to my mother, the second to the professor that she would not come to the university, the third to my aunt who had cancer – for instructions on what to do. She calls her friends, they cry together. This first moment is the hardest. The night is the worst. Desperate, she hides under the blanket and says that she will not come out. It even covers the head – only the nose and eyes are sticking out, from which tears fall. He cannot fall asleep, he thinks he will never, ever fall asleep again. Eventually it collapses from fatigue.
In the morning, he no longer thinks about the disease, but about how to organize himself. He calls the surgeon indicated by his aunt and makes an appointment for the operation on Friday.
There is no time to think, there are so many things to do. As every day, he also prepares a list of tasks, one by one, pragmatically. You have to postpone the obligations at the university, write an application for leave, buy pajamas and other things for the hospital. This is what he focuses on. On Thursday, the examination at the hospital – she goes there, elegantly dressed, with painted nails, and a handbag matching the color – it’s a bit of a show of strength that she won’t give up. In the hospital corridor she tries to smile, maybe not as radiantly and carefree as before, but still. He is already on the operating table on Friday. As soon as she wakes up from anesthesia – her smile returns to her face, even when connected to oxygen, she smiles. A thumbs up as a sign that it’s going to be okay. Unfortunately, it is not – the operation fails, he has a haemorrhage. At night she returns to the block, her fiancé is driving her, because there is a shortage of staff, it is difficult to get the whole team on Friday evening.
****
Elegant blonde with hair almost to the waist looks into the camera lens with joy. The make-up is flawless, the dress like from a magazine hugs a nice bust. She boldly shows off shapely legs and black high heels. Behind her is an elegant fiance. Young, beautiful, self-confident, fulfilled, happily engaged, happily in love.
She doesn’t look like a girl who’s going to die.
And two hours before this session, her world collapsed once again.
On the way, he gets a terrible message for every woman, shocking for a woman in her late twenties – another operation and amputation of the entire breast will be necessary.
Even though the fiancé is about to turn the car around, she decides that it is all the more necessary to find the strength to do this session. She rises to the heights, wipes tears, fixes her makeup and grabs the boy’s hand to indicate that he is not giving up. The photographer does not even realize that something is wrong.
These photos are very important to her – they are the last piece of her old life. He’s going to have surgery the next day.
***
Mum’s phone call with another bad news that she will have a mastectomy. Mom starts crying on the phone, she has been brave so far, but she has no more strength, it is too much for her. My daughter’s third operation and this uncertainty about how far the cancer has gone. He starts to get really scared that he will lose her. “Mom, can you hear me?” – he asks. “Mommy, can you hear?” “I can hear you.” “When you hear, it means I’m alive. I’m alive, do you hear? “
She explains to her mother that no policeman came with the information that she died in an accident, that something irreversible had happened. She is alive and will live. Mom calms down.
***
He is looking for a hotel in Warsaw. The most important thing is that it should have a beautiful bathroom. After all, she’s going to take her first chemo. It is very likely that it is in the bathroom that he will spend the night vomiting. She asks her fiancé to buy her sushi. If he is to suffer and twist in pain – at least he will eat what he loves.
He’s expecting the worst. It turns out that it is completely wrong. After the first chemo, he feels well enough that the next day he can get in the car and spend a few hours traveling home. From the tour, she sends photos to friends and acquaintances so that they do not worry. A smile, a thumbs up and the belief that everything will be fine – these are her hallmarks
***.
A smiling, beaming girl with a short haircut receives a prize, flowers and congratulations. Nobody would have guessed that the laureate of the Academic Journalism Laurel for professionalism in the media is undergoing chemotherapy. And the most difficult one – the red one. After returning home, radiant, in an elegant dress and evening makeup, she takes pictures of herself, in a short hairstyle to capture how she will look again soon. She changes her outfits, puts on red high heels – maybe she has no breasts, but she does not let her femininity be taken away.
After this session, she is ready to shave her hair. The fiancé grabs the razor. First, he makes her a mohawk as a joke. Even though the appearance is very important to her, she mobilizes herself and smiles sincerely. He immediately accepts his new image, and to manifest it – he walks around with a bald head, takes a lot of pictures of himself and does not lose his optimism.
***
New Year’s Eve. Road from Lublin to Warsaw. Only a few cars pass along the entire route. Dark and empty. Fireworks and flares light up the night from time to time. Unique and amazing. They enter Warsaw – they are greeted by fireworks. Incredible. The last suitcases are brought in at five to twelve. They go out to the balcony and watch the fireworks show. A magical experience.
The apartment next to the Cancer Center is sunny, optimistic, warm, cozy, very comfortable and well-equipped. Price does not matter. It is important that she is well and comfortable. And it is close to the hospital – if something would happen – there are specialists.
She lives off her savings, which she has put aside for traveling, for a new home, for a wedding, for the future. He comes to the conclusion that there is nothing to wait for. She has to please herself, now she has to live, focus on making it the best, the tastiest and the most comfortable. Money bought, when it recovers – it will earn another.
“It was one of the best decisions I ever made. When I moved to Warsaw, I didn’t feel that I was going backwards, but that I was going further. This city I did not know gave me a lot of extra stimulus, it fueled me. This city got me hooked. “
The big city welcomes her with festive illumination and is teeming with life. Full of people, bustle and pace, which she can easily watch because she has time. He visits, gets to know, and absorbs with his whole being. A thick winter hat covers the bald head. She looks like a healthy girl on the street. He gets as much as possible from Warsaw. She is delighted with the National Museum and the Museum of the History of Polish Jews. He goes in first, comes out last, he’s crazy. He can stare at Mehoffer’s “Strange Garden” for hours. She is in heaven.
He lives by the woods. In the morning she wonders what delights she will make for breakfast. Later she goes for a walk. He communes with art which he loves, with nature which he adores. He puts professional matters aside. Catch up on books and films. Nothing has to. Today she says it was a beautiful half year of life.
“Only then, when I was almost thirty on the back of my neck, did I realize that I was breathing. Until now, I have always worked intensively, so I appreciated the comfort that I do not have to go to work or reply to hundreds of e-mails. I sent my friends pictures to see how beautiful the forest looks in the sunshine. It was my time – joyful and enjoyable. Not knowing how long I would live, I decided that I have to live it nicely and the way I want. I discovered my company, I was fine, I didn’t have to hurry, run. I was learning to live anew, this time primarily for myself. “
That evening had to come. She remains alone, stands in front of the mirror. She has no hair, no eyelashes, no eyebrows, and she’s swollen. She has scars, she feels crippled. She stands without breasts, looks like no woman would like to look. She smiles to herself. And in the mirror he sees a flash, smiling beautiful eyes. They have strength, energy, a spark that will light the flame. Then she thinks that she is beautiful, really beautiful, on the inside. She sees herself, sees her best friend. This is a breakthrough moment.
***
April. He participates in a reportage for one of the women’s newspapers. They offer her a photo session. At the last minute, she goes for a wig. The stylist dresses her in a fiery red dress. I feel great. She had never experienced anything like this in her life – a professional session with a stylist, make-up, photographer. This is proof that even if life seems to be falling apart, life opens up new possibilities.
When the newspaper comes out, even the fiancé is shocked. He thought they would show her pale, in a sweater, on a hospital bed, and here is a movie star. Yes, it looks like a million dollars. A red dress, high heels, glued eyelashes do their job. But it is not everything. She just feels attractive. And it is during chemistry.
***
Today he knows that you can’t put anything off, because you never know when the last day is. There is no point in waiting for the right moment to be ready. There will always be people who know more, are better prepared. It’s hard – the most important thing is to act, follow your dreams.
***
What would she tell other young girls who find out they have breast cancer? A few months of a little different life are waiting for you. When you hear the diagnosis, there is a moment to make a decision – whether for the next six months, maybe longer, you will cry and suffer, tire, or will you decide that this time, despite everything, you will spend fun, joyfully, happily with a smile, you will think how you want to live and start living like that. It is a matter of deciding which of these options you will implement. We are able to rise to such heights to make this time as good as possible. Because it will pass.
“Amazing Girls. Cancer did not take away their dreams “, Agnieszka Witkowicz-Matolicz, Oficyna 4e publishing house, in bookstores from October 3, 2018