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Until what age can a baby be given a pacifier? We consulted with a child psychologist.
Meeting a two-three-year-old child at the playground with a pacifier in his mouth is a common thing. This little piece of silicone is incredibly popular. But the question is, who? The children themselves or … their parents? And does it interfere with the normal development of our children, does it hinder the formation of the ability to express one’s thoughts?
“Before, I couldn’t sleep without a pacifier,” says six-year-old Daria. “Only she could comfort me when I cried. Mom was worried about this, but she gave it to me anyway. ”
Little Dasha spent all night and a significant part of the day with a pacifier in her mouth, which made her life very difficult: “Grandma and grandpa did not understand what I was saying, because I forgot to pull out the pacifier. But then I gave it up. And from bottles with a pacifier, too.
This is how, in a few sentences, a little girl described the problems that arise when a child is not weaned off a pacifier in time, namely, difficulties with communication and growing up in principle … What prevents us from doing this on time?
“As long as you don’t scream”
The French psychoanalyst Claude Almos considers the confusion of parents in front of the needs of their children a characteristic feature of modern society. Indeed, why do we feel the need to put a pacifier in a child’s mouth? The honest answer is very simple: we want him to shut up.
The child cries, screams, loudly expresses his emotions … He demands. And not only milk, but also attention, comfort and protection. It can take a long time to try to understand what exactly he wants to tell us, and to fulfill his desire. And giving him a pacifier as soon as he starts crying is much easier: this way we save not only our time, but also our nerves.
It turns out that in this way we get rid of the child? However, it’s not just about modern parents. The pacifier was invented at the end of the XNUMXth century, and similar devices like cloths moistened with sweetened water were slipped to babies back in the Middle Ages. So why do children need them?
Dummy as a transitional object
In the first months of life, the dummy does not pose any harm to the child. The baby experiences a completely natural need for sucking; for him, at this early, oral stage of development, acquaintance with the world is carried out precisely through the mouth. The child suckles the mother’s breast and thus builds a relationship with the closest human being to him.
And the nipple acts as a “transitional object” between the mother (with whom the baby feels complete merging) and the outside world, allowing the child to calm down, relieve the fear of loneliness and focus on himself.
“But as soon as a child gets on his feet, relationships with close adults fade into the background for him, and interaction with objects of the outside world becomes the main thing,” says child psychologist Galiya Nigmetzhanova. – And if at this time the mother continues to breastfeed the child, she, as it were, obscures this external world with herself. And the nipple, on the contrary, provides such an opportunity.
Blanket as consolation
The child actively moves, explores pots, cabinet drawers, coils, buttons, studies their functions, properties, learns to interact with them.
But at first, objects resist him – slip out of his hands, “do not give” into his hands, do not tear, do not wrinkle. And of course, such resistance causes tension in the child, frustrates him. At this moment, he especially needs the attention of an adult or … in the nipple, which relieves this tension.
“Until the age of two, a child has very strong excitation processes, while inhibition processes, on the contrary, are weak,” explains Galiya Nigmetzhanova. – And this excitement must be removed somehow. But how? The best way is to immediately switch the child to another activity. For example, from active and creative to contemplative or vice versa.
But it is important to do this immediately, noticing the first signs of arousal in him. That is why the presence of an attentive, wise adult next to the child is so necessary. If time is lost and the child is overexcited, it is almost impossible to switch it off and stop the hysteria even for a loving, close person – such is the property of the nervous system of a small child.
One child is enough to pick up and shake. Another loves nursery rhymes and jokes
And here the nipple in this case helps a lot. By taking it away from a child, we deprive him of a very important instrument of self-soothing. And if the parents cannot offer the kid some other way of comfort in return, he is forced to look for it himself.
Some children begin to pick their navel until wounds appear, others bite their nails or pinch their eyebrows … In my opinion, the nipple is still more harmless in this case than such traumatic ways of relaxation with the help of your own body.
What can serve as an alternative to a pacifier when the child is already overexcited? Every family has its own way.
One child is enough to pick up and shake. Another loves nursery rhymes and jokes. By chanting such rhymes, an adult not only changes the rhythm and intonation of speech, which switches the attention of the child, but also physically contacts him – strokes, makes a light massage.
Such actions, repeated from time to time, become a saving ritual that helps relieve stress.
Dummy as an addiction
By the age of two, a harmoniously developing child increasingly forgets about the pacifier and stops using it. He is increasingly captured by the objective world, which he already knows well and which no longer actively resists him. This means that there are fewer and fewer reasons for frustration (and for complacency).
If a child over two years old still urgently needs a pacifier, sucks it continuously, and its loss becomes a real tragedy for him, then we can already talk about dependence. And parents will have to take serious measures to wean their son (daughter) from this habit.
He is quite capable of refusing the pacifier himself, provided that the parents show due attention to him.
“After two years, a new stage in the development of the world begins – with the help of communication,” explains Galiya Nigmetzhanova. – The child does not just turn the object, but asks the adult: what is it? why? And he, in turn, answers the questions of dad or mom.
But how to communicate if your mouth is busy? It is at this time that the nipple begins to slow down the development of active speech. It is the direct responsibility of the parents to “free the mouth” of the child from the nipple in time.
Parting with the pacifier: the main stages
1,5-2 years. At this age, it is important to clearly identify the places and situations where the nipple continues to “live”, and where it cannot be in principle. For example, a child will always find a pacifier in his crib, but will never see it in the playroom or on the street – in areas where he actively interacts with the objective world.
Try to have this order: if the child is busy with something (building a house out of cubes, playing with jars and pots, climbing stairs, swinging on a swing), there should not be a pacifier in his mouth. It is important to clearly explain these rules to the child. If he gets used to doing something with a pacifier in his mouth, this habit will be much more difficult to break.
2,5-3 years. The age is very difficult when a child protests for any reason and negatively perceives everything that an adult does. During this crisis period, orders should not be changed and new rules should not be established. If you weren’t able to wean your baby off the pacifier before, don’t try it now. Just wait.
3-4 years. At this time, the child is increasingly involved in various play situations and transfers his behavior to other objects – toy animals and dolls. By acting out scenes involving toys and finger puppets that are easy or difficult to part with a pacifier, you will help your child see the situation from the outside and refuse the pacifier.
So, the solution to the problem does not consist in a sharp and categorical rejection of the dummy, but in the awareness of the goals of its use. It is important to resort to it only in extreme cases and to wean the child gently and gradually.
If your son or daughter asks for a pacifier, then he (she) needs it. The task of adults is to save the child from this need.
He is quite capable of giving up the pacifier himself, provided that the parents show him due attention, encourage him to do this, talk to him, teach him to talk, instead of resorting to a saving piece of silicone that plugs the child’s mouth and parents’ ears.