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Bestiality, incest, rape — in our dreams sometimes scenarios arise that we cannot even imagine in reality. They disturb us, making us suspect ourselves of latent depravity. Psychoanalyst Andrei Rossokhin and psychotherapist Jacques Montangero deciphered several plots for us.
We wake up from them with a feeling of pleasure and … awkwardness, confusion, which then haunt us all day. Why do we dream that we are making love with the boss or the best friend of the husband, who in real life do not attract us at all? Perhaps we are simply deceived, believing ourselves to be better than we really are? “Dreams are grandiose performances that our soul plays for us,” Andrey Rossokhin answers. “Their plots, scenery and characters may be familiar to us in real life, but in fact they are a manifestation of the complex inner work of the soul, seeking to convey something important to us.” “Our dreams, no matter how exciting they may be, always wish us well,” agrees Nicole Gratton, head of the International School of Dreams (Canada). “With or without a sexual context, we need them in order to get to know ourselves better. They carry a message designed to help us, and sometimes, say, if cruelty sounds in them, they can warn of danger.” They are also associated with desires and worries that we did not manage to deal with during the day. Dreams can indicate our not quite adequate behavior, emphasize the manner of reasoning or acting, offer to look at the situation differently or provide moral support, reminding us of the unused reserves of the individual.
«DREAM BOOKS LIE: THE MEANING OF A DREAM CAN BE FULLY REVEALED ONLY TO THE PERSON WHO IT VISITED.»
“Our dreams often use a sexual context,” says Andrey Rossokhin. “But from the associations and fantasies of the dreamer, a completely different dimension of sleep is born, its deeper, unconscious meaning comes through.” Sexuality is the most intimate thing we have, it gives us pleasure and allows us to open up. Dreams about intercourse speak of a state of harmony between the male and female components of our personality. It is on the success (or problematic) of this psychic union that the feeling of the fullness of life and the flourishing of our personality depends.
To help us better understand the dream scenarios that disturb our consciousness, psychoanalyst Andrey Rossokhin and psychotherapist Jacques Montangero agreed to decipher several plots. At the same time, both experts strongly emphasize that the meaning of a dream may well be revealed only together with the one whom it visited. In the interpretation of dreams, there are no unshakable rules and common truths. Here are just a few guidelines and tips.
dream of masturbation
Maxim: “I am on the beach. Behind me is a huge dark staircase leading to the city, dilapidated, with a low stone parapet. Her curves do not inspire confidence. Even though there are quite a few people going up and down these stairs, I sit naked and openly caress myself, which gives me great pleasure. With the ability to levitate, I can climb to the height of any step while continuing to masturbate. No one seems to notice me, and I am absolutely not embarrassed that I am doing this in front of everyone.
Andrey Rossokhin: “The dream reflects infantile narcissistic experiences. The young man caresses himself on the beach, in front of him is the sea, which symbolizes the maternal principle. This dream suggests that the young man is more interested in erotic relationships with his mother than adult life, the symbol of which is the father (the city behind him). From the fantasy of merging with an omnipotent mother, he gains the ability to levitate. You don’t need to climb the stairs — just caress yourself. This dream is full of narcissistic fantasies of omnipotence, fear of being active in real life.»
Jacques Montangero: “Such a dream, most likely, has nothing to do with sex. Perhaps the theme of masturbation was chosen because it most vividly expresses what other elements of the dream also try to convey — liberation from restrictions. The dream hero is no longer subject to the ban on certain forms of behavior in society, he no longer cares whether others will “judge” him, he is not even subject to the law of gravity. If the dream is a puzzle, then this dream carries a message that reinforces positive self-esteem, and at the same time expresses a desire to throw off all restrictions from oneself.
Dream about rape
Anna: “The dream begins on a dark street. Two men attack me and push me into a truck. I’m blindfolded, I don’t scream, I don’t try to resist. I’m scared, but I keep my cool! On the way, I hear them talking among themselves in hoarse voices, laughing. One of them, speaking obscenities, touches my legs, I feel how his big hands rise to my chest, crumple it. Then the truck door opens and they drag me out. I am still blindfolded, but I know that we are entering a house with a large empty room: I can hear the echo of their voices. One of them throws me onto the mattress and removes the blindfold from my eyes. I’m on a four-poster bed. Two men undress, grinning lewdly… One rushes at me and rips off my clothes. In my dream, this situation excites me.
Andrey Rossokhin: “This is not about wanting to be raped. Such erotic dreams are typical for adolescents, whose sexual fantasies are associated with the prohibition imposed by the mother, and a sense of guilt for the fact that sexual desire arose at all. The mental way out of this situation is rape fantasies. All the events of the dream take place as if apart from the girl’s desire, and she can consider herself innocent. Confrontation with rape in reality can lead to serious mental trauma, but in dreams it becomes an exploration of one’s own and male sexuality.
Jacques Montangero: “Some women like to present themselves as the object of violence, at the same time, real rape will outrage them and become a serious shock. This dream may be akin to such fantasies. Like most dreams, it should not be taken literally, as the theme is presented in an exaggerated, crude way. This theme is the desire to be the object of strong desire and to find undeniable masculinity in a partner.
Dream of bestiality
Marina: “I am lying on the ground next to some young man, I am overcome by the deepest serenity and a feeling of tenderness. My head rests on his shoulder, I look deeper into his eyes — large, like those of a deer — feeling how my heart shrinks from this tenderness. And then a monster appears — a half-animal, half-woman with an ugly face and hair, like a witch. She jumps on the young man and with wild body movements, excited, rubs against his thigh. The sexual context is obvious. I’m horrified.»
Andrey Rossokhin: “Sleep has nothing to do with bestiality. In the first part, there is no erotic tension, it sounds like a maternal attitude towards a man. Behind him lies the fear of feeling sexual desire for a loved one. In the second part, a female monster appears who behaves like a sexual animal. A dream about the internal conflict of the spiritual and sexual principles. If you’re sexy, you’ll turn into a witch. Sexual desire is transformed into the image of a frightening monster.»
Jacques Montangero: “The dream speaks of an exciting love, of a complete tenderness of connection, close to merging. An unpleasant being destroys this fullness and tranquility. This creature — half woman, half beast — may indicate the dreamer’s sexual principle, which she perceives as unbridled lust and potential aggression. This plot should move the woman who sees it to think about why sexuality here looks so disturbing and incompatible with tenderness.
Dream about homosexuality
Jeanne: “I am in a restaurant of some hotel. A certain woman is attracted to me, trying to get my attention, but she does not interest me. A few days later, I suddenly fall in love with some Spanish beauty. It seems that light emanates from her, she is so beautiful. I feel like hugging her, feeling her breasts against my skin, touching her naked body… Then we’re on the floor, and I’m realizing my fantasies. All the people around us disappeared. Only one person from around the corner is watching us with a look full of disappointment — this is the first woman who loved me.
Andrey Rossokhin: “The explicit homosexuality of sleep is associated with manifestations of a deep relationship between mother and child. In adult fantasies about childhood, the mother is often represented as a bright light or a woman of divine beauty. The desire to touch her naked body is the gesture of a child reaching for her mother’s breast. There is no one between the child and the mother. But there is a third figure who is watching them. This is a typical scene in primal scene fantasies (about the sexual relationship between father and mother). This third is the father who inevitably comes between mother and child. But the situation will turn upside down, and then the child will have to act as an observer, spying (fantasy) on his father and mother. The female observer from the second part of the dream may be the second «I» of the dreamer. In this dream, two conflicts are played out: the desire to possess a mother and the feeling of an abandoned child who sees how the other two (father and mother) are merged in their unity.
Jacques Montangero: “Here it is not so much about homosexuality, but about the choice or rejection of a woman as a desirable being. Perhaps this is what the dreamer should have thought about. In the absence of other significant details, it can be assumed that we are talking about what kind of woman the dreamer would like or believe she should become in order to fully enjoy her sexuality. It should be noted that lovemaking sometimes does not symbolize sexual relations, but generally shows the type of relationship with our partner: forced or free, careful or unceremonious to our inner world … «
Dream of incest
Christina: “I am in an unfamiliar house with many stairs, doors and wide corridors. The house is poorly lit, and I can’t make out the face of the man I’m making love to next to the wall. The situation is very exciting, because I’m afraid that someone might appear from one of these doors and take us by surprise. At the moment of orgasm, I discover that this man is my father. I am so shocked that I wake up.”
Andrey Rossokhin: “Every girl who has a good relationship with her father has warm feelings for him. But the mother forbids their manifestations. The heroine of the dream enters into a love relationship with a man, despite the fear of the inner image of the mother — she can be taken by surprise. But at the moment of orgasm, the feeling of guilt turns on, which transforms the image of a beloved man into a father. If this is a father, then this is a crime, and an orgasm will be followed by guilt and self-punishment: the rejection of sexual desires, relationships with a beloved man, and one’s own femininity. The dream speaks of the conflict of teenage sexuality and its transfer into adulthood.
Jacques Montangero: “In my opinion, the content of the dream is mostly unrelated to incest. This is the implementation of the theme of forbidden pleasure, which therefore becomes even more exciting. Its dual character lies in the fact that the action takes place in a passageway, which is emphasized by the many stairs, doors and corridors. When the theme of incest arises, the dream stops. The pleasure that needs to be hidden reminds this woman of her childhood. Hence the father — as a figure that establishes certain prohibitions. With its appearance, an exciting prohibition becomes a prohibition that causes shame. In a general sense, some disturbing dreams can be compared to some unexpected thoughts that occur to everyone, but they cause more discomfort to anxious people. These thoughts generate in them the fear of losing control — over themselves and what is happening. Isn’t that what happens to the dreamer?»