Dreams about sex: what does the brain want to tell us?

“It’s okay,” says psychologist and dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg. “These dreams don’t mean you have perverted taste. Dreams about sex tell us not about sex at all! In most cases, such a dream does not mean a desire for physical contact, but a need for psychological intimacy or a desire to acquire some traits or qualities inherent in our “partner” from a dream.

“There is one general rule that will help you decipher the meaning of such dreams,” Levenberg continues. – Think about the three qualities inherent in the hero (heroine) of your dream. Name the first ones that come to mind. And now evaluate: at least one of them could be useful to you? Do you want to own it? Here! This is what this person symbolizes, and this is why you are having sex with him in a dream. So there is no need to worry and consider yourself abnormal. Your dream doesn’t mean you want to sleep with your sibling or your best friend’s husband.”

And now about more specific messages that are contained in different plots of dreams.

Incest

These dreams seem especially nasty to us. But it is worth remembering that everything in our dreams symbolizes some part of ourselves. Therefore, it is important with which relative you have sex. For example, a father most likely symbolizes your ability to be a breadwinner and breadwinner. Think maybe you need to improve your financial competence? If the hero of the dream is your sibling, think about what quality best characterizes him. According to Lori Levenberg, she once had such a dream about her brother. He is a computer genius, and at that moment she was trying to promote her site, and she just needed to learn at least some skills and generally have a person nearby whom she could trust, like a brother.

Sex with a colleague

Many people have such dreams, and often the next day it is simply embarrassing to look into the eyes of the hero of your dream. If you really care about this person, then everything is clear: the dream was really about sex, it’s just such a safe fantasy. But if the hero of the dream does not evoke tender emotions in you or even seems repulsive, then you need to think about the symbolic meaning of the dream. Perhaps you would like to have some character traits that are inherent in him. Maybe you would like to have the same composure in a stressful situation? Or are you drawn to his professional skills? Think about what your unconscious is telling you.

Sex with a person of the same sex (even though you are heterosexual)

Most often, such a dream conveys the feeling that you lack some important qualities inherent in your gender. For example, a woman should develop caring, sensitivity, creativity.

Women often have lesbian dreams during pregnancy, because a woman who carries a new life in herself is the embodiment of femininity.

And for a man, a dream about sex with a man often symbolizes the desire to be confident and courageous. Sometimes such dreams accompany events when he feels like a real man. For example, getting a promotion or inviting a beauty on a date.

If this is not an abstract partner, but a real person, it is worth remembering: maybe you recently had a serious heart-to-heart conversation, maybe you finally came to an understanding. Then this is a dream about a psychological, not a physical connection.

Threesome

If you really want to try a threesome, such a dream is a kind of simulator: you experiment in a safe dream situation and can feel whether you like it or not. Dreams sometimes play the role of a rehearsal preceding the real situation, they help us make a decision.

But if you didn’t even think about a threesome, and in a dream you are doing it with your current partner and someone else, this may mean that you want to bring something new into your relationship. For example, you would like to go in for sports together with your partner, combining business with pleasure.

Sex with the boss

If the hero of your dream is your boss, most likely you would like to have his power, authority, managerial skills, and the ability to make decisions. Maybe you want to step into the role of boss in your own home so you can better deal with naughty kids. Maybe you have to make a difficult decision – for example, to “fire” something or someone from your life: get rid of some habit, stop communicating with some person. Or maybe you want to “merge” with your boss in order to better cope with some project. The message of this dream is that it is time for you to take control, show determination and authority.

Rape

In real life, rape is not a story about sex, but about power and control. The same is true in dreams. Perhaps you feel that someone is exploiting or manipulating you, trying to control you for their own benefit.

Sex with a stranger

The most common of erotic dreams. Some believe that in such dreams we see our ideal partner, whom we crave to find in reality. But actually it is not. Although this stranger, whose face we usually do not remember, actually tells us something important. Dreams often present us with different parts of our personality in the form of a person, so that we can better understand who we are and what drives us.

This mysterious lover (or mysterious mistress) symbolizes the qualities that we associate with his (her) gender. For women, the mystery man expresses your male part, which has assertiveness, directness, the ability to earn money, manage your life, and the like.

You are very attracted to this person in a dream – this is your mind trying to draw your attention to those qualities that are embodied in him and which are already part of you. This means that it is time to become aware of this masculine assertive energy or, conversely, the feminine energy of sensitivity. Unite the different parts of your personality, just as your bodies come together in a dream. Be bold, take on a leadership role, or show empathy and kindness when needed.